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Anxiety and Depression Support
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Cant seem to get through this

By all accounts I have a great life and so many things to be grateful for. I'm happily married, 2 healthy children, good job, and dont struggle financially, but for the last three months I have been struggling with anxiety depression so badly it hurts. I have a therapist I see weekly and am on medication but this black cloud will not vacate. I have been trying the whole fake it til you make it mentality but it is exhausting even though I am just going through the motions. The part that breaks my heart the most is that I dont even seem to enjoy playing with my children, all I look forward to each day is being able to go back to bed that night. I will have day here and there when I feel alright and life just seems normal again but they are always followed by days or weeks of depressed state. I just feel like the struggle is pointless and want to give up and just hide in my bed, but I know this doesn't make feel better in the moment nor will it help my recovery.. it's so frustrating. I know everyone says that it won't last forever and there are millions of people that have successfully made it through similar, but when in the midst ok f it, it sure seems hopeless.

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I feel the same exact way. It hurts so much honestly. I just feel like I’m moving through the motions. The idea of getting out of bed and going to get food in the kitchen hurts. It’s like I’m blind but not blind. Feel as if mind doesn’t process things as much anymore. This is all just a feeling and even though it hurts and there is the feeling of it never passing, it will. I know it will, for both of us. You are a strong individual, and sometimes when these feelings come on so strong they hurt us down to the core, they hurt us to where our spirit is affected, it’s difficult to have that hope. But I know that when we do come out of this, it will be the sweetest thing we’ve ever experienced. Have you considered trying CBD oil?

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Thank you for the reply and the words of encouragement. I know i have to believe things will get better but sometimes it's so hard and I question will it? And then I start worrying what my life will be like if this is what I'm like forever. I have looked into CBD oil and it looks like the research on it is promising, I just worry about how it would affect the drug tests I have to take for work?

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I have the same exact thoughts. They’re so scary they’re paralyzing at times. I have read into it and I’ve read many times it shouldn’t show up in a drug test being that the only Cannabinoid they test for is THC.

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I've been an anxiety sufferer for 30 years now. It does get better. You get better coping strategies, you start to recognize problems coming on and reroute them before they devastate you. Sometimes you'll fail at that, and have a really bad time, but you're doing what you need to do, which is take charge of fighting the problem with therapy and medication. Once you learn how to exert more control personally using the things you've learned in therapy, it will be like a different world.

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Rando,

Thanks for the reply. I cant wait for the day I am able to cope on a more consistent basis. I'll have a couple days where I think I've got it figured out and can work with and through the issues, then bam I'll wake up and it's like I'm starting all over

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Hey, lots of us have been there on this rollercoaster they call LIFE. What kind of work do you do? Perhaps you need a break if you can just getting out and doing for yourself- treating yourself to whatever.

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Hang in there friend! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers today.

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Thank you so much. The prayers of the righteous are very powerful

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I hope that writing down about your great life will remind you about that. Also, have you checked with you MD to see if there is a physical/medical connection about you energy level?

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Yes indeed, I definitely realize all the great things in my life and practice gratefulness daily, but that alone is not the cure for depression which ends up making me feel guilty and worse. I have had a full medical check and blood work done as well and everything comes back good. He just tells me to try to get more exercise because it will make me feel better and to keep trucking along

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Listen, I go through bouts of depression due to regrets , but I also know intellectually there is only the present. No, I am not a criminal, but I do think of some things like the coulda, woulda etc. Does it do any good to ruminate and hope the time machine will appear? Of course not- . Still , sometimes, I blow off steam , and am glad there is this forum.

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Isnt that the worst, being able to logically and intellectually dissect and disprove all of these feelings but still having them!!?

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Depression can be treated, are you on any medication? I found Lexapro lifted my depression within a week. Therapy and exercise are good but severe depression will take months to lift without treatment.

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I am taking medication and going to counseling. Have been doing that for at least two months and am only having brief periods of relief. I really am worried that this will never lift.

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The medication may not be working for you or can be augmented by Abilify.. depression does lift. See Douglas Bloch he has suffered depression and had to be admitted to the hospital and had ECT done which did lift his depression. Please watch his videos they are very informative and encouraging.

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You mentioned you have a few days of relief from your depression. Prior to I’m assuming these better periods were less frequent. Remind yourself this is progress. Two months on medication isn’t a very long time. Some people may not really see/feel the effects for three to six months. I know it’s tough to be patient but with more time you will find you’ll have more better days than bad. You’re taking all the right steps. Hang in there. It really will get better.

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Thank you for the encouragement. I am on my current med and dosage for just over a month my Dr.s think I need another med change already. I want to give this one more time but trying to function while in the grip of this has me questioning everything. I have had some days that I felt better but then all of a sudden I get sucked back down and it seems like there is no way back up. I have made it to work today but I am just hiding and crying most of the day.

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I'm assuming increasing the dosage of your current medication was discussed with your doctor? If you don't mind me asking, what medication has he/she prescribed you? I had to change my medication and dosage a few times but eventually found one that worked. I fully understand how you feel. I started with anxieties but then depression came into the mix. It's a dark place. It's difficult to describe unless you've been there. Do you have family/friend support? Are you trying any coping techniques?

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I started off with anxiety and was prescribed citalopram and was on that for a little over two months and just kept getting more and more depressed. Psychiatrist recommended switching meds and I'm now on 30mg of mirtazaprine for just over a month. I work at a hospital and spoke with my GP briefly he said I may need another change if I'm still feeling this way. I am trying to be patient because I have read everywhere that these meds can take time to work. My family is very supportive, which sometimes makes me feel even worse because of the guilt of not being able to get better for them. I have been seeing a counselor that has been nice while I am at the office with her. I know I have seen progress and have had some really good days but the last 3-4 days have been unbearable and make me wonder if I am really getting better. I try correcting my negative thoughts and doing deep breathing but sometimes I just cant get them to stop and they seem to go on for days.

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Anxiety and depression will certainly test your patience, your sanity, your everything but you're fighting to be better so you will get there. If it makes you feel any better, you're in company with the search of the right medication. I think it was my third or fourth medication that I finally found a match. My situation was a bit hairy because I was also being treated for two other conditions. I'm on three different meds at the moment and while it took some time, I'm finally in a better place. This is how I know you will be as well.

Never feel guilty about your depression. It's not your fault and it's not in your control to just make it go away. What is in your control is seeking help to get better and that is what you're doing. Coping techniques aren't a cure-all but they can help take the edge off a bit. A lot of breathing exercises for sure. Guided meditation. change in diet, exercise, chamomile tea (surprisingly worked), coloring (for anxieties), interaction with my pet. Sounds like you already know isolating yourself is not healthy so I'm glad you recognize that and forcing yourself to be in company with others. I know it's difficult but continue interacting with your children, your wife, your friends. It'll get better.

Glad you're posting on this forum. Hopefully it's helping a bit.

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