Signs/struggle

[Michael8072]

With all the signs i see it makes me think about life and how I should be living it yet I still struggle. I want to be out. I don't want to just go to work and then be in my room. I want to be outside exploring. Having fun enjoying but yet I can't seem to do it.

I have no ambition no dreams. I know it's still early for me. I just started therapy and bringing everything I kept inside to the surface. I'm starting to finally deal with what I guess I haven't wanted to deal with for so long. It feels so silly why didn't I have a back up dream. Why was that the only thing that got me excited. All these questions and I won't know the answers to. Praying that things will get better soon and I'll find some kind of direction. I want to wake up happy and with a passion for what I want to accomplish with my life. I'm just as clueless now as I was when I was 18. 20 years of my life has passed what have I accomplished.

Hugs to everyone struggling.

I'm gonna continue to walk the path and hope that over that fence lies whatever it is I'm looking for.

[Agora1]

You will get there Michael, as we all do eventually. A psychiatrist once told me that I was like a person lost in the middle of the ocean, not knowing which way to get to shore. I had no direction. With therapy they will help you find your way once again. Believe in that.

[Michael8072 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I truly believe things will get better given time and patience (which I have to work on as well) I hope I've already hit rock bottom and now the only way is up. I don't want to dig my hole any deeper.

I'm grateful I can share here as I have no other avenue of sharing other then my therapist who I see once a month right now. I gotta learn to continue to share even if i feel I'm repeating myself I don't want to go back to holding things in anymore. Thanks for sharing and listening to me it means alot.

[Agora1 in reply to Michael8072]

Remember Michael that this is our "Safe" place to share our concerns, fears and victories without ever being judged. No need to hold things in anymore. We are hear to listen and support each other.

[Michael8072 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. Hearing that means a ton.

[Grimreaper]

Michael

You are doing great don’t worry ..

we all run the race as rat race without knowing why we are doing it.

Good you started to introspect .

Life will take turn for brighter side .. keep walking 👍👍

[Michael8072 in reply to Grimreaper]

I will try to continue this path and stay positive. Thank you.

[Hidden]

I’m starting over at 39, I hear you

[Michael8072 in reply to Hidden]

I wish you well on your journey.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Starting over? I am the same age. I would say we are learning from our past experiences to forge a better future.

[hypercat54]

Hi I hope you achieve all you want to but I don't think it's that common to happily leap out of bed eager to live your passions! I wish it was. Most people have to accept the lesser version of that which is to get up and don't mind doing your job (even quite like it) and look forward to your free time. it might be better to aim for that first?

Even when young I never had any dreams or thoughts of the future and if someone asked me what colour my thoughts were I would say black. Therapist would say we want to get you back to how you were before as though that mean something to me. It didn't. I have always been this way in living memory as I have suffered from depression since a young child though I do vaguely remember being a happy, healthy, bouncy little girl until my dysfunctional upbringing got a stranglehold on me and nearly choked me to death.

Nowadays I just accept that I have changed what I could and am grateful to just get through the day intact without having to worry about dreams or illusions. Ok I am in my 60's and I appreciate you are a different age so forgive my cynicism.

I hope this has helped you a bit anyway. x

[Michael8072 in reply to hypercat54]

It has helped thank you. To a point I agree with you. I guess really all I want is to find something I can be really passionate about. Something that just would fire me up again. I had a passion once and that thought had me happy.

I would like that again. That's all. If i find a job that I could wake up to and not mind getting out of bed id be happy with that as well. I just want to feel like I did something good with my life. I don't know if that makes sense.

[Hidden]

Don’t be too hard on yourself! Our journey takes twists and turns. Are you cultivating a spiritual life? It helps me sooo much! Wishing you the best!

[Michael8072 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I try not to be hard on myself but I think I fail at that alot. I gotta try better.

[Hidden in reply to Michael8072]

You’re not failing, you’re human!