Happiness and What’s Holding Me Back

[annie_flowers]

When I sit and think about.. how far I’ve come and how much further I can push myself to go on I fall into a spiral.

I have a friend- for privacy reason I’ll call him Mark. Mark and I share very similar feelings. Feelings we feel all the time no matter what day, time, event, situation, or mood presents.

Although I hold him dear to my heart and I truly love guiding him in the right direction we always seem to put eachother in worse position because we struggle so much. So, although we love to vent and use eachother as a means to release all the negative energy in our lives we, as separate people on their own, can’t deal with that much emotion.

This kind of brings it full circle to spiralling. His problems become mine and mine his. And my problem make him spiral and his problems make me spiral.

I guess at some point I have to be able to choose my happiness over the feeling of having someone there.

Side note: I’m new to this community, but if anyone actually does read this I have a question for you- what are you not willing to give up for happiness? Or even what are you holding onto that holding you from experiencing real happiness?

[Dabela]

Hi annie_flowers and welcome! I’m actually experiencing something similar. I love my friend so much but for a lot of different reasons I have come to the realization that we may not be the best for each other anymore. It’s not exactly like your situation but I know what you mean in having to make that decision for your own happiness even though it’s painful. I think that we should not be willing to not let go of things in our lives. I know that doesn’t sound good but I’ve learned that things are always changing. Something I thought would never happen, happens and I have to accept and adjust. I don’t say that as flippant as it sounds. I know how hard it can be to do this. It takes great strength and courage to see what is not good for us and then to make that change. And I think that’s what you are showing. I’m sorry you are experiencing it though. I know how much it can hurt.

[annie_flowers in reply to Dabela]

I find it amazing you had the courage to reply to me! It means a lot.

I don’t think I’d ever completely cut him out, but I would definitely distance myself from being his emotional sponge so to speak.

I’m sorry about what you’re going through as well, and I think you’re right in saying you don’t need to completely cut someone out, but finding that balance and waiting or even.. expecting change to happen is healthier in the long run.

[Dabela in reply to annie_flowers]

Thank you for the kind words they mean a lot to me too 😊

I def agree! It’s about finding out what is best for you and making those adjustments so that you can take care of yourself and be happy. It sucks that the road to happy can be painful but I guess that’s just the way it is sometimes. Distancing yourself for awhile just might be the best thing.

[Odeimindil]

I recently saw a really good friend from college. We bonded over a lot of similar interests but also over mental health struggles. I think our friendship helped us know we were not alone, and we definitely helped each other in some ways to make better choices! But seeing her this weekend and hearing about her suicidal thoughts and seeing self-harm wounds I think was triggering for me. After seeing her, my mood was at its lowest it's been for a year for about a week. I'm not sure what the best thing to do is, but you're definitely not alone in trying to figure out boundaries with friends!

[annie_flowers in reply to Odeimindil]

Thank you for sharing! I totally agree with you. Just as I was saying before with the other comment, you really do need to find that balance in helping your friend when they need but also taking the time for yourself to really.. heal and regroup and come back to your happiness.

I wish you all the best to you and your friend!

My advice to you is to make sure you have the technique and the means to come back to your safe place in terms of mental health before putting yourself in a situation where you could possible trigger negative or harmful thoughts.