I'm tired.

[Lizanimal]

I go to therapy once a week, I share my deepest fears, my most depressing thoughts, my struggles with relationships and my desperate unhappiness. I love my therapist but she always tells me that I'm doing well, that I'll be okay and I'm not okay. When I'm depressed I explain to the degree that I can what is bothering me, if there's something specific, sometimes I'm just morose with no clear reason. That's depression. My loved ones ask me why? Why do I feel bad? What can they do? Recently my therapist brought up the fact that I have some symptoms of OCD and wants to keep that in mind as we continue with therapy, I told a family member who asked again and again for specific examples of the possible OCD. I told them what I was comfortable with and they began to openly doubt my therapist and gave me the same tired advice about motivation and trying harder etc. The truth is that most days I'm incapable of taking care of myself and my family will not believe me when I tell them this. I want to scream. It seems like nobody believes how bad I'm doing. Even my partner who sees how bad I feel is insensitive at times, leaving most of the yard and household chores for me despite my constant pleading for help around the house and explaining how helping me could take away some of the anxiety. Nobody is listening and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so unfulfilled in my relationships. I'm not saying I'm a great wife or daughter but I do try harder then I have the energy for and it seems like everyone else just takes it for granted. I don't know how to proceed.

[gogogirl]

Well- I am not there and maybe that's not the total reason- but if your partner leaves most of the chores for you no wonder you feel that way! Maybe your partner needs a good dose of reality- the proverbial kick in the A! Your partner tells you to "try harder" or you think you should- come on! Please be kind to yourself- maybe treat yourself to a nice day and enjoy your company.

[gogogirl in reply to gogogirl]

Again I cannot offer advice- but you sound intelligent, and I'll bet you are more capable than you think. We all need recharging at times. Anyway, welcome. I hope you get outside in nature and breathe.

[Lizanimal in reply to gogogirl]

This isn't really about recharging. I've HAD to take days off and nothing gets done; the dishes, laundry, garbage pile up. We fight and he will do some chores for a day and then that's it until the next fight.

[gogogirl in reply to Lizanimal]

Maybe try to do one thing like the laundry- is it just the two of you?

[Lyn842]

That's why we need good support groups. Many people do not understand depression and what it can do to us. Dealing with ourselves IS exhausting! Those closest to us often don't understand. They think we can just force ourselves out of it. As for your therapist, be honest and tell her to give you examples of why she believes you have OCD. Even if you have it, thats prob not the sole reason you're depressed. Being depressed and looking around and seeing all the undone things just adds to your stress, making you feel worse. What works for me sometimes is just literally forcing myself to do even one thing. Then say to yourself that you are doing the best you are capable of doing at the moment, or day. Then you'll feel a tad bit of accomplishment and continue doing that each day. Once when I was at a very low point, I forced myself to take a shower and put clothes on. That's all. Don't beat up on yourself but don't quit trying. Others may not understand what appears to them as laziness or lack of responsibility. You understand and we understand. Things can get better but it starts with baby steps. Keep in touch and post your success even if it seems silly and too small to brag about. I want to hear from you.