I'm Tired

[mvillarreal]

I'm tired. I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of the confusion. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like this will never end. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of pretending to be okay. I'm tired of being too busy to talk to someone. I'm tired of feeling alone in this. I'm tired of having struggles in my head that are both philosophical and related to anxiety/depression that other people will think are just "out there." How long will I have to suffer? I feel like I was at such a high, happy place a week ago, and now I feel a sense of despair and hopelessness. It's like a feeling of, "What happened?" Please pray for me! There's a cloud above my head, and it won't go away!

[Orangeblossom85]

im the same. came here for some hope. but i guess without hope is much easier...

[Hidden]

Hi mvillarreal - this is too much to cope with on your own - what does your doctor say?

Am so sorry you have been feeling so low - hope you get the right help you need. Know how you feel. Is this to do with events in your life - or has this been going on for some time? Hope you feel better soon - may be your sleep has been disrupted which makes you feel worse.

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

It's my thoughts. Just very disturbing existential questions. I'm a very deep thinker, but that can make my brain go wild sometimes and lead to deep depression.

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Did you study philosophy in depth, so your mind has been channelled into different beliefs and speculations over to our existence so that conventional beliefs and cultural norms are incongruous? This is difficult for your brain to assimilate, as it may go established views. You can then overload your brain, and get racing brain as a result.

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

I minored in philosophy and majored in religious studies. In addition, I myself am very deeply spiritual, but my case is proof that spirituality isn't always just flowers, bunnies, yoga, and meditation. What you described, though, is very accurate. I feel like the beliefs I do have (which I always question and wonder if I'm crazy) totally go against Western cultural values, and everything else is just a nagging question mark. I'm always overloaded. One therapist I worked with even wondered if I had schizophrenia, and I was like, no dude, I don't have hallucinations, disorganized thinking, delusions, or paranoia. I'm literally just like, "Is there life after death? Is there hell? Am I going to hell? Do I have a purpose? Is the Law of Attraction real? Oh, look what I manifested! Wait, maybe this is just a delusion." That's the noises my brain makes when I'm trying to eat, sleep, do homework, lift weights, or take a dump, and I can't stop it!

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

I haven't seen my doctor in a while, since I live far away from home.

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

As you live away from home, is there a doctor near where you live and are there online consultations? If this is more than an ideational crisis, which has made you depressed

then may be it is more to do with mood swings? If you have had bereavements or painful events in your life, may be you are seeking solace in philosophy?

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I have ideation crises quite frequently, and sometimes it's hard to know who to talk to about this. Sometimes, when I go to therapy, it feels like that scene in groundhog day where the psychiatrist says, "That's an unusual problem, Mr. Connors."

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

Yes, but preferably not Western philosophy, as that just tends to be groundless speculation that goes back and forth between ultimately unprovable premises. I really would just like to communicate with God or something and ask all these questions. But then I worry that if I experience too much, there won't be any mystery anymore. This is what my head does.

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Mvillarreal - you are asking for a message from beyond in your imagination -

that's not unusual. People who pray or have a faith are asking for guidance in their lives, or praying for the welfare of their friends and families. The subjects you have studied are linked with your inner beliefs but both sides of the coin are hard to

read . To study belief is like trying to analyse the colours of a rainbow - you know it is above, comes from nowhere, and is beautiful. Once you analyse the physics, and how the rainbow is formed scientifically then the magic of belief disappears.

Love is not a mathematical equation or a triangle. You are entitled to your beliefs and opinions and if you go to a formatted psychiatrist with your wishes I'm afraid

you might be stuck with a label which is not your problem. I think you should approach all the problems caused by depression and anxiety and the added frustrating attention deficit disorder. I would try to use coconut oil and olive oil,

as they can protect your brain and eat fish, fish paste every day, meat fresh vegetables fruit every day - think of your physical needs and you may find that added supplements might help. Exercise and sunlight are important too to help your metabolism. If you have the highs and lows this is what you should talk about

but sometimes the drugs administered might not agree with you. Lemon balm and passionflower supplements may have the same properties to help your moods.

Your educational background has led to altruism which needs to express itself through your work ie counselling or psychology. This is what your courses have done - to help you find your vocation. You might have to do further study but there

are online courses to expand your knowledge and add to your perspectives.

Take care.

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Many people with depression anxiety and adhd may have a low vitamin D 2 and 3 levels. Supplements such as cod liver oil which contain both DHA docosohexnaenoic acid and EPA eicosopentaenoic acid . Omega 3 fatty acids can be plant based such as sunflower oil but the fatty acids found in fatty fish herrings mackerels sardines cod and salmon are more helpful for the brain. mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/....

D3 is the sunshine vitamin and is created with sunshine in the skin and is cycled through the body. This vitamin is harder to find in food but can be found in supplements. Coconut oil is effective too to help anxiety and depression

paleohacks.com/coconut/coconut and anxiety attacks.

papadlight.wordpress.com by Denny Allen

healthyliving.azcentral.com... oil cures for depression.

Other recommendations are to avoid processed foods with colourants and artificial additives, and junk food. Some people are unaware they have food intolerance such as gluten, dairy and egg and multigrain. Allergens can cause autoimmune disease and make you feel worse. CBT therapy is also recommended but is expensive- referring to attention deficit disorder and anxiety and depression Omega 3 fatty acids are essential for brain metabolism so if you are not having enough on a daily basis then supplements may be a help.

It is recommended to have 50,000 iu a week of vitamin D supplements for 8 weeks then 4000 a week continuing to help deficiency in the Natural Journal of medicine.

Hope you feel better soon.

[QueenofTerrasen]

I am with you.

[Igor4253]

I’m here anytime u need to talk or banter

[Jeff1943]

You can recover from your anxiety, and the depression that comes out of anxiety, no matter how long or how deeply you have suffered. Who says so? Claire Weekes, a psychiatrist, said so many years ago and during her lifetime through her writings and consultations many thousands recovered their quiet minds.

You say you are tired of the struggle. Maybe that's where you've been going wrong all this time. Struggling I mean. Struggling causes tension and stress: these are things your tired nerves need less of not more. So stop struggling. Do the opposite of what instinct encourages you to do. You are nervously exhausted and your nervous system became over sensitive many years ago.

So, stop fighting your anxiety, it's such a relief I can assure you. Instead, engage in masterly inactivity. Surrender to your anxiety, accept it for the moment. Agree to co-exist with it for the time being. Anything other than struggling and fighting with it.

Every time some symptom of anxiety disorder makes itself known, some anxiety attack let's say, and you fight it you release hormones of stress and of fear. These act on your nervous system keeping it in a permanent state of super sensitivity. This prompts new symptoms to afflict you causing more fear causing more sensitivity causing more symptoms causing more fear. Can you see what is happening here? You are caught in a vicious circle that self-perpetuates your anxiety disorder. So it continues unchecked month after month, year after year. What stress triggered it long years ago doesn't matter any more, it can be long forgotten, your condition is now self sustaining.

But like any other part of your body that becomes damaged your nervous system is waiting to heal itself. If only you can stop bombarding it with fear and stress. And you can do that, yes you can, by simply accepting your symptoms, even panic attacks, for the time being. Not accepting them for ever, you understand, but for the moment. But your acceptance must be utter acceptance, not just putting up with them and expecting them to cease any time now. It takes weeks of Acceptance before your nerves quieten and begin to recover.

You cannot both accept the symptoms and fear them at the same time. The symptoms of anxiety are uncomfortable and unpleasant but they can do you no permanent damage. Because they are fake symptoms: anxiety is very good at imitating real organic illness. Those stomach pains are not cancer, that feeling of a lump in the throat not a tumour and those chest pains are not heart disease but muscular tension. Nobody ever died or became disabled by anxiety, it's powers are limited, so why fear something that can do you no physical harm?

This, then, in brief is the acceptance method of Claire Weekes already mentioned as set out before you were born in her first book 'Self help for your nerves'* also published as 'Hope and help for your nerves'* in the U.S.

It has withstood the test of time.

*available new or used from Amazon

[Ragdoll15 in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you, that was very helpful for me.

[Hidden in reply to Jeff1943]

Hi Jeff - that's interesting reading. There have been cases which start as an anxiety attack which leads to a full blown heart attack. Perhaps the anxiety and stress hormones cause a cardiac arrest or not enough oxygen reaches the brain when feeling breathless.

Sometimes beta blockers are used to help these sort of panic attacks. I would always err on the side of caution and go to my GP, as not all cases of panic attack with heart arrhythmia are due to anxiety.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Hidden]

Indeed everyone should get their symptoms confirmed as to whether they are caused by anxiety disorder or organic illness: anxiety symptoms can sometimes be caused by thyroid problems, easily fixed by medication.

Other than this I have never heard of anxiety attack not being caused by anxiety.

In the example you give of an anxiety attack "leading to a full blown heart attack", the heart attack in that case is due to the heart being diseased such as arteries severely narrowed by cholesterol plaque.

So it is not anxiety "leading to" heart attack, the attack is caused by a faulty heart.

A healthy heart will never experience a heart attack caused by an anxiety: the heart muscle is one of the largest and strongest muscles in the body. A healthy heart can withstand a heart beat of up to 200 bpm without any problem for many hours.

This is why no death certificate has ever had 'anxiety attack' given as the cause of death, not one!

[bipolarrhapsody]

I 100% relate. The drop in mood is crippling. I'm new on here. Are you also bipolar? I mainly experience bipolar depression and intense anxiety, but the heightened mood every once in a blue moon makes the depression all the more painful. It's difficult feeling ok one day, or even great, and then, BAM, everything seems to slow down and become dull and pointless. Extreme fatigue and brain fog make getting out of bed, talking, eating, and even breathing feel exhausting. It's frustrating, but it seems to always pass...at some point. I completely relate to the struggle. Knowing I'm not the only one is comforting in a way..

[mvillarreal in reply to bipolarrhapsody]

No, I have depression, anxiety (including existential anxiety), and ADHD. The combination can be overwhelming sometimes.

[Hollick]

😥

[Dutch-girl]

I hear you. I often feel the same way. I've found that helping people gives me a small sense of purpose. Sometimes I'm not sure how to help, but even offering a compliment to a stranger is pleasing when I see that I put a smile on their face.

[_amabelizzario]

Mvillarreal! I'm praying for you and sending all the positivity and good thoughts you need. I hope you feel better soon. You are not alone, this all can be overwhelming and sometimes we feel we can't handle everything. But you can you are strong.

I wish you all the best always.

[-Sasha-]

"The biggest wall you have to climb is the one you build in your mind"

[kevinloveslen]

Hello @ mvillarreal,

I’m sorry that you are going through such a difficult time right now. I have been there, so know that you are not alone…there are others out here who can relate to the pain, the struggle, the emptiness, the crying, the anxiety and the depression. I don’t know your specific story or what happened, but the sun does come out and burn the fog away. We will pray Psalm 91:1 for you (that’s God’s 911!)…actually, I will pray the whole thing because it is what really drew me closer to Christ in 2003 when I felt like you describe. The only difference is that I changed it to first person vs. second person.

“He (or she) who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘You are my Refuge and my Fortress, my God, in whom I trust’.

Surely You will save me from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. You will cover me with Your feathers, and under Your wings I will find refuge; Your faithfulness will be my shield and rampart. I will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand my fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me. I will only observe it with my eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If I say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and I make the Most Hight my dwelling, no harm will overtake me, no disaster will come near my tent. For You will command Your angels concerning me to guard me in all my ways; they will lift me up in their hands, so that I will not strike my foot against a stone. I will tread on the lion and the cobra; I will trample the great lion and the serpent.

‘Because I love Him,’ says the LORD, ‘I will rescue you; I will protect you, for you acknowledge my name. You will call on Me, and I will answer you; I will be with you in trouble, I will deliver you and honor you. With long life I will satisfy you and show you my salvation.’”

I will pray for you.

In Christ,

Kevin

[suzzze]

I hear you. And I think the same thoughts. I pray the day brightens for you.