Health anxiety and depression

[BrianM1991]

Hello everyone first post. 27 here and have been suffering from health anxiety for past 2 years. I never had these issues before then and now I struggle to leave the couch unless for work or special family gatherings. I’ve always been very much a sit in my room alone and do my own thing as long as I can remember. Even in kindergarten I would throw up almost everyday at lunch and was always a bit on edge until high school.

Lately any issue from calf pain to a pain in chest sends me to doctor google and then start always fearing the worst. My doctor recently prescribed me xanex and Citalopram and it dulls out the anxiety but still feels like some is still there. The strangest feeling is the fear of death and not wanting to exist at the same time. Part of me believes it’s due to isolating myself making it impossible to have true friendships and relationships. Also over the years becoming more dissatisfied with a job that pays just enough to keep me there but not really enough to move forward while also dreading doing it.

I struggle to stick to things that make me happy like music and art. It’s almost like I rotate every 3 months to something new being good at these things but never truly great at anything. All of my hero’s changed the world by my age and I can’t muster the energy to begin trying to change my own world. I’m living in a Groundhog Day nightmare of the same while progressively getting worse mentally. I’m sorry for the emotional vomit in this post but needed a place to vent it that felt safe. Thank you all for reading

[fauxartist]

hi brian.....I'm really glad your getting that all out here...and one thing is for sure...your not alone here, many people here also have social anxiety and every one deals with it differently ,...but knowing your with others here now that understand where your coming from I hope helps you, it does me. A great way to get to know others too is reading posts and comments.

Also..never compare yourself to others who have accomplished great things....we all do what we are happy with and it's us in our own world doing what we like to do. We don't need to be self defeating because we are not changing the world....the only thing we need to really care about is our world....and what makes us happy.

[BrianM1991 in reply to fauxartist]

That’s beautifully poetic, sometimes I guess it’s easy to lose sight of your life when your so focused on such a big picture and crumble under ambition. It’s hard learning to take small victories. And I’m glad there is a community for this, it’s soul crushing to suffer in silence.

[fauxartist in reply to BrianM1991]

I think any victory with this disease is a big win....we can have goals in life, but don't let them define your path....enjoy all the side trips along the way, and if your path veers off onto a better course.....be sure to allow yourself the flexibility to take what may be an even better path.

[Pattianne1957]

BrianM1991

I too have been prescribed xanex and citalopram. The xanex is bad news...took me a while to feel like I could stop taking it and it is addictive. All the while I still felt like the anxiety was still hovering but not as bad. I found that after switching to gabapentin for restless leg and to aid with the citalopram, symptoms were better.

I too feel like I have no friends and no hopes of getting any, as I do not work outside the home and am not involved in anything that involves meeting people, because I prefer not to have the anxiety that goes with it. But I do get severely depressed about not having friends to get together with.

I don't know what the solution to this is, someone out there does?

[BrianM1991 in reply to Pattianne1957]

I think the small battles is what we have to fight, try meeting one new person this week kinda stuff. I’ve gotten really good at the fake laughter and smiles but trying to work everyday to fake it till I make it.

[Rosalia1 in reply to Pattianne1957]

I have no friends as well and the one friend I have is to busy always talking about herself and how great she has it and for me to shake it off and she tells me to not cry

Screw that!!!!

[ErikViking]

You pretty much described my life! You're not alone with these struggles. It got so bad that i entered myself into inpatient mental rehab.... to help me view life differently and to learn how to trust God.

It's good that you're on meds now.... finding the right medication is half the battle.... changing your way of thinking and viewing things is also super important. It's hard, but in time I'm told that it's very beneficial and necessary. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Prayers,

Erik

[Lymeforyears]

Hi Brian. I Relate to so much of what u said. I've been dealing with issues since about 17 and I'm 50. I've had bouts with agoraphobia where I didn't work for awhile because of social anxiety issues and low self esteem but finances of course kept me going back. I had mostly A's and B's in college and high school but always have taken jobs that u spoke of. Good enough to pay the bills but not good enough to have a better life. I was the same way with medical issues. Unfortunately I was bitten by a tick in 2011 and because of lack of doctors knowledge am left with late stage Lyme disease. It's now affected my kidneys, spleen. Red and white blood cells.....etc It's horrible. So now that I really do have issues of course anxiety is through the roof. I love that u have such an interest in music and art. While I only dabbled in playing the organ and am not musically inclined or too knowledgeable of the arts, I will say I love music. I have Sirius radio and it has every type of music from 1940's to now, every time of genre. My favorite is the comedy channels as they make me forget. I do work in hospice in memory care (Alzheimers etc) and love helping others and have s huge love for animals. I can take care of everyone but myself but I do as u have been...faking it til making it. 💛

[Rosalia1]

Your not alone I’m in the same boat fear fear I hurt and now a sweet taste in my month that won’t go away and I google it and I get scared that it could be this or that make myself sick

Had a CT of my heart I’ll hear back on Thursday from the doctor and I’m friking out my blood pressures is very high !

I don’t leave my house for nothing and lost my husband of 25 years 2 years ago

We need to hang in there

This to shall pass sweetie message me if u wanna talk ok I’ll listen ❤️