I spent a lot of time with my grandparents growing up. It was the only place I really felt safe. When I grew up if I wasn't there once or twice a week I was calling them. A few years back my grandmas anorexia got a bit worse, were not sure if it caused the dementia but it really didn't help it. I still called her every week up until last year. She was getting worse and I had a really good call with her so decided we should end our weekly calls on a high note. Then my grandpa became very ill and it was a really ugly situation. My grandmother (to put it lightly) is a awful bitch but how much she loved her grandchildren and husband made her semi redeemable. She made the hospice care for my grandpa so much more difficult by not allowing them in or threatening his nurses. it was recommended that he go to a different home but he couldn't leave her. It's been a few months since he passed and she has been complaining about all sorts of pain but refused to go to the doctor because she's stubborn and so forgetful that she thinks the pain just started today. She wasn't responding to my mom last week so they took her to the hospital where they discovered her entire body is full of cancer to the point where it would be too invasive to figure where it all started from. I just can't stop thinking about how much pain my best friend and childhood protector is in and the pain the rest of my family is in trying to take care of her and how I'm ten hours away by choice and alls I can do is listen. I'm also mad that she didn't do more before she got sick to take care of herself. She is like this shell with little glimmers of my grandmother that quickly fades to this awful women who does and says things I can't even repeat. I know some of it is the disease but this is also the same women who told me to stop eating in my teens because I was the "fat cousin"