i seriously don't understand why i can't bring myself to actually be a decent person and show my ****** feelings. a couple minutes ago my stepdad put down one of my pets and i knew about it but still wasn't there. then i decided to lock myself in my room while he was burying her. i couldn't even bring myself to walk outside and ******* watch. this is what happened earlier this year too. my grandmother died in July and when we went to visit her in her house before she died "to say our goodbyes" i had a panic attack and sat on her porch trying not to vomit while the rest of my family spent time with her. that was the last time i saw her. she was announced dead not much later and i had to walk up to her casket knowing that i couldn't ******* see her properly on her last days. its so ******** dumb that i just run away from all my problems and i always hate myself after things like this happen.
why? just why am i so weak? - Anxiety and Depre...
why? just why am i so weak?
This can be a normal reaction to loss called “anticipatory loss” you feel a premature detachment and premature death before it occurs. It’s weird to feel this but sometimes its just a natural response to cope with our pain. This doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
thanks i just did some research. i just wish that i didn't push myself away from these situations rather than facing them because i don't want to be afraid anymore
You are facing them, but you are facing them in a way that’s comfortable in your own ways. That’s what makes you, you. If you’d like to change it, you can, but this is not something that I would consider you being afraid. If you are afraid, remind yourself that it’s a normal human emotion and we all have our own fears.
true, but i feel like when i do this it makes me seem like i don't care because I'm just going and isolating myself or whatever.
Hmmm well Isolating is different. It’s more constant in my opinion, where you can get into this habit of doing it and that’s when you need to probably do something about it. But if you isolate to get yourself together over let’s say a death, you are ok. This may be what you need, and only you can know what you need. There’s different stages of grief and everyone has their own way of dealing with things.
i understand that and i agree but i don't want like my family thinking that I'm not feeling anything because i don't show it or i run away
You seem to really care about not letting your family down, which is caring of you
I would just communicate that to them when I feel comfortable enough to do so. Communication is really key in making someone understand you a bit better, but i to, run away from my own feelings sometimes. It’s a process for sure.
good point. i'll try that next time. thanks a lot
The more you take resposibility for your life the easier it becomes,you may even leave your Anxiety behind you,I have spent best part of my life wasted on worrying and not speaking my mind-its no joke it pratically destroyed me when I was almost burnt out-when you speak up for yourself and truly air your feeling you will lose that feeling of what have I done you will probably gain more respect fom others and of course be more at peace with yourself ;its never easy but thats what you have to do -self assertive books are helpful!
💓💓
you obvs have strong feelings you just don't know how to express them and that isn't weakness , plus you have anxiety to deal with , next time a situation arises try a different approach, good luck and don't be too hard on yourself
thanks.
you are not weak just tired of being strong
but i haven't been and that's the thing i want to be strong but i cant
you have not many can struggle so much and survive so you are strong you just don't know it trust me someone will see you as strong (I do)
aw thanks
I too dont think you are weak at all. You have lots of emotions and really care about animals and people. You show lots of emotion on here too and I think its really lovely. We need to connect with people like you. Im not sure regarding why you struggle to show how you feel when someone dies. But it certainly doesnt summarise you or mean you 'run away from your problems'. This may be just how you grieve thats personal to you and we all need to grieve and manage our pain of dealing with loss in our own way. It isnt fair to use this experience as a generalisation of how you are in life. You are very much willing to try face difficult things and express your vulnerable emotions and need for support otherwise you wouldnt have posted this here. You have made other posts too that show how brave you are in wanting to face other difficult problems that make you emotional. That is strength. You are strong. You are a decent thinking feeling human being who just grieves in her own way, and thats natural and thats ok 💞🌻🌼
that means more than you can think. thank you so much 🖤
Don’t hate yourself or beat yourself up.everyone deals with things different.Sometimes it’s easier to run away or bury our heads.Because it’s the only way we can deal with the situation at the time.I do think this is part of anxiety so please don’t blame yourself I do this as well sometimes it just makes life a bit easier to cope with,you are a decent person and I’m sure your family know this.take care
thank you. -hugs
Hugs to you to take care and remember we are all here for each other.Your a good person x
so are you!! have an amazing rest of your day 
You to from your friend in the uk.
lange....
sorry i'm behind ... catching up...
i'm soooo sorry to hear about your pet... i've had to put down some pets... and it's friggin gut-wrenching.
but there is something i find solace in - it's the idea that we CAN put down our pets - so they don't have to suffer.
isn't it both ironic, and somehow appropriate - that we can give our animal friends a more dignified, and humane goodbye, than we can give our fellow humans!??
as many have said - you are NOT weak.
we all grieve in our own way, and in our own time. you hopefully know me well enough to know i don't blow smoke - i say what i think... well, read these next words carefully - and REREAD them as many times as it takes....
.
i'm not gonna tell you what i think - THIS I FRIGGIN KNOW:
I absolutely know that your grandmother loved you; and she KNEW you - maybe even better than you know yourself in ways. She knew the pain you were feeling - she knew and understood why you couldn't go in to see her.
i'd even bet, if she were here and could read my words - (and if she could speak french) she would say: il a raison. je t'aime. Je vous connais. And do you know how i know she would say that? - because i don't freakin know french!
if you have any trust at all in what i say - then trust this. i don't see you running from your problems. i see you acknowledging them, and talking about them. that ain't running. it may not be your idea of facing them - but it IS a step in that direction!!! don't beat yourself up for that... if you need to feel beat up... then i'll yell at you to stop beating yourself up! does that help at all?
.
cherish the good times you had with her. I guarantee you she did!
.
do you want an idea on how you can still get your feelings out? it's never too late. Do you know what a 'sky lantern' is? it's like a mini hot-air balloon. write what you would like to tell your grandmother on a little notepaper, attach it to a sky lantern, and launch it into the sky. you could also use a mylar helium balloon.
and don't just do 1 now; do 1 anytime you feel like it!
personally - i like the sky lantern - because i like fire. launch at night.
or you can take that message and send it into the sky, by burning it outside.
... mon ange
fire burns... fire lights... and fire glows.
in your own hand,
put you to paper,
however so you feel...
from ever do you reel...
from mind, from soul;
let the hatred flow...
thru body, thru limb;
let the feeling flow...
thru wrist, thru hand, thru pen...
let the gut, and wrench do flow.
feed the hungry paper;
it thirsts, it needs... it feeds,
what allowest that you bleed.
that seep, from you, the blue,
to flame alight, they fuel...
alight, it glows,
sky-ward it flows...
like angel does it rise, but heaven not it rides,
for too, like one, as time foretold;
to ash, to dust, transform, it must.
transformed as ash, as specks of dust.
the darkest bits, dechue, they must.
but freed from you, and weighted no more;
fly free, and live - you're tethered no more.
-r
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