I can’t take much more: I don’t want to... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I can’t take much more

retiredinFLA
retiredinFLA

I don’t want to make this unduly lengthy but I’m desperate for some uplifting words. I’ve had so many tragedies in the past 10 years. It would look exaggerated if I wrote it all here. I have insurance for my primary care.... she’s been prescribing the same anti depressants for three or four years. I don’t have insurance for psychologist and psychiatrist care.

I’ve had trouble with anxiety during this time and have developed anxiety attacks where I can’t stop crying and shaking. It’s gotten so much worse since April. I have no family. My only son is an alcoholic and is suicidal. He lives out of state and has gone to jail a few times in the past year. He and his spouse moved in April. my grandson (14) has been told by his step dad to quit spending vacations with us and stop calling his grandmother so often. My ex daughter in law was like a daughter to me until this happened this year. Now she has to back away too according to him.

I actually made an effort to meet other women here and the two I thought would be good friends, just didn’t pan out after 6 months.

I remarried 8 years ago to a man with a temper; we don’t really like each other all that much. Financially we need each other in our retirement.

I am lost and I’m scared of who I’m becoming.

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Hidden
Hidden

Im 66, retired with no major problems. I struggle with anxiety/ depression too. It sounds like you need at least one really supportive person in your life. If counseling isnt an option, what about looking in to visiting a church.sometimes there are support groups within the church or maybe pastoral counseling. It wouldnt be like psychological counseling and most pastors are not professionally trained psychologists. I cannot imagine living with a spouse you dont like, that has to be hard.

retiredinFLA
retiredinFLA in reply to Hidden

That is an idea I will check into. And you’re right.....when my 2 best friends were alive, I did have support. Thank you for responding.

Maybe your grandson has been told not to call you, but you can still call him. Would that be an option?

Oh goodness, how awful. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through. You are one strong lady to still be keeping going! I’m with Hoski - would you be up for trying church? I’m not pushing my faith on you (I’m in a shaky place myself with that just now), but many churches have their own counselling and befriending services. You do really need a source of support - it’s good you can come online, but it doesn’t replace a real person. Sending you hugs and strength ♥️

Hidden
Hidden

It’s scary to be a partner with someone. Unless you can call him dingleberry. It’s not ideal that your partner is angry all the time. But someone told me to focus only on the good stuff. Because it can be like tunnel vision when we see negative things or flaws.

I’ve been alone for 12 years. It’s lonely but maybe I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Maybe I’m too insecure about my turkey neck and my own flaws that I tunnel in on. I’m trying to be kind to myself. Dyeing to be empathetic with strangers and more understanding to the folks around me. Everyone is doing the best they can with the brains they have.

retiredinFLA
retiredinFLA in reply to Hidden

In my better moments I like to try to keep more of a positive attitude......the depression hits and it flys out the window. And I do understand being kind to yourself. I’m afraid I still have work to do there. Thank you for your response

retiredinFLA
retiredinFLA in reply to Hidden

You have a very good point, thank you

Can u call the grandson? Give a ticket to come visit? He's at a age, if his dad sounds so mean, he needs you. You can go, free to counseling women shelter in your area they can also give you help, for some solutions. Your living situation, sounds like the beginning of anxiety & sadness. You can get, free help, don't feel judged people want to help you🐝

Hi retired. I wish I could give you a big hug! I need one too. The loneliness is awful, isn’t it? I agree church would be a good place to start. Why do you think your grandson’s step dad would say something like that? I understand some people are just mean but what is he getting out of it?

He is “married” to my sons Ex. He doesn’t want me involved. She was like a daughter for 25 years. But she does what he says.

Please hang in there. I understand how scary going through so much and feeling so utterly helpless is. I don't really have any friends or someone to rely on emotionally either. The isolation can definitely double down on the stress, loneliness, fear and sadness.

Try to keep hope alive...

Sometimes it truly is one day at a time when it gets bad.

Things can get better I promise. It sounds like it’s these other people’s problems, not yours. I know they’re family but they made the choices they made. And try to do nice things for yourself. You don’t have to find a woman to make you happy. Find your happiness within yourself 💜

Oh, but I’m a she! That’s funny......but I don’t think I specified lol.

You said “other women “ my bad!! You don’t need a man! Lol 😂 I am all over the place. But omg I have so much trouble meeting other women!! It’s so hard! I want girlfriends. I’ve met a few on here too. I’ll be your friend!

😹I wasn’t clear there.....I meant older women like me (bored, lonely,). to hang out with, go to the beach, go to a happy hour with😸. Nope, been married. Three times. This #4 is a keeper; flaws and all. But 😾he can be such a MAN! This is FLA.....lots of old ladies hang out and go places together😄.

Aww yay 4th time is the charm. I was married before too and this one is definitely my keeper. I want women to hang out with too! How do you meet them without coming across as gay? I swear to God I asked the bartender out WITH my husband there and she thought I was hitting on her. I was like "nooooo I just want a girlfriend to hang out with LOL"

LOL. That’s funny...... I was needing someone to be a friend , to share things with, go shopping, This was my ad in the “Neighborhood” App. (Everyone around here uses this for lost dogs, selling like an online garage sale, and they gossip and bitch about the City Council and the traffic, etc

Under General Notices I wrote this:

We’re Not Dead Yet!

60 something year old woman looking for other women of similar age who still want to enjoy life ! any others wanting to get out of the house sometimes and meet for lunches, beach trips, shopping, wine tastings, live music....

I wouldn’t think about the horrible things going on in my life and I thought it actually helped me Get over a lot of heartbreak for the first 6 months. I sort of gravitated to two women who had already known each other. They actually liked me......I’d been beat down to very little self esteem and I was so surprised and happy. I was the one with a husband that didn’t want to go anywhere so I got out about twice a week doOr a few hours and the three of us had a blast. I didn’t sit and dwell on what was going on with me. If course I didn’t address the problem either.

One of them in particular lived very close by and I spent Some of my time with her. I asked her for about the 10th time yesterday what was going on and that I felt a definite backing away from me. Now at this point I thought we were friends that could open up about whats bothering them. Like my best friends and I used to. I hadn’t had a friend really since she died a few years ago. Anyway this woman I felt so close to had to listen to me gave about a ten minute cry. I know here husband died around this time last year and she won’t talk about it. Come to think of it she’s never talked about her feelings except for saying the Christmas season is hard to get through. She told me that lately they thought I was extremely negative and I brought their spirits down. It seems I didn’t pass the probationary time. Man, I was so hurt. She said “all you’ve done lately is be such an energy sapper. You only talk about the problems you have at hone, you have too much work to do, your ankle is still hurting. You’re having surgery on your wrist. Your son orobkk liEnd, and grandson problems. Everything negative.... It’s gotten really old“. Well, I was mortified. I told her she definitely had a point and that I wished she had said something to me sooner. I hurt my ankle a couple weeks ago and had to turn down the last couple of things she was doing. I thought she was a friend but I think I ended up with an acquaintances. She and the other girl text or talk everyday. And know so much of what is going on with each other neither have told me much. So, experiment over. I just want some alone time now. I knew there was a reason I was an introvert! I don’t know if I could ever put myself out there like that again. I mean I suffer from depression and anxiety. Negativity just sometimes hangs around with it. Bottom line, I think I stumbled into the former cool rich mean girl that would have thought me a mess. If you read this far, you’re an angel. I honestly don’t know what she wants to happen now. I’m going to be at home recuperating for a couple weeks anyway for a wrist fusion. So, I guess the balls in her court. Any experience or advice here?

It’s them! Not you! You had a lot of courage putting yourself out there. I love that. You should be proud of yourself and don’t give up because a few bad apples suck! I think it’s sweet you opened up and shared the way you did. Some people just can’t handle it. That’s on them! Not you!! You keep it up. It’s actually inspiring me. I want to start a book club or some sort of sorority to get girlfriends. It’s hard! But I’m seriously proud of you! You rock!!

Thank you very much......I needed that so much. I’m going to copy that and I can read it again when I need it

Awww good! That makes me happy 😃 We’ll find friends somehow right? 😂

Thank you. Actually I did start writing a few evenings ago. I think it will help. In my head I have finally accepted that life is in fact, constantly changing. My heart is having the hard time

I had an epiphany this morning. The word that came to me was ‘weary’.

The world makes us this way. Weary.

I found the less I take responsibility for others the less weary I feel. By that I mean the further I put myself away from others emotions the more I can have my own without exhaustion.

I can’t change what anyone does or feels. I can’t even handle myself sometimes. To keep the weary away I’m going to (not always literally) walk away.

I can’t change that my oldest is a sociopath and manipulative. I did raise her not to be evil. My weary time with her is over. I can’t change my gaslighting mother or arrogant brother so I take the good moments. The minute it starts to go bad I leave. I’m going to refuse to allow others to make me weary.

You’ll get your grandson back. He has his own mind. He won’t be under someone else’s thumb for long.

You’ve at least got someone with the same goal; financial survival. Be honest in your head and treat him as your friend. Don’t let it make you weary.

As soon as I let go of the weary - I’m already feeling better. Boundaries for weariness. I started today. I think it can work. In a week I turn 56. It’s my new coping skill. I hope you can take something from this.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty

Happy birthday early Doaty you are kind you are smart and you are valuable. May this year be the best year of your life.

I re-read your post today and I relate to it more each time I read it. You’ve put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling

I know.....You do tend to get numb. I haven’t found another way come to come through some situations. May you make a break through

That’s a shame because manipulators know what buttons to push to keep the other person off balance just enough. They have an uncanny ability to know what to say and how to act to achieve their goals. Manipulators are very intuitive and if they used their talents for good instead of misery the world would be a happier place. Encourage her to stand up for herself.

We can talk anytime.....I don’t exactly have the phone ringing off the hook or many knocks at the door! I get it. I’ve got family that I’ve had to back away from to keep my sanity! God, get us through this season.

Hidden
Hidden

Well I read a book once about psychiatry. There is this one doctor that thinks if you can rewrite your story in a positive way that it helps a lot to cope better. For example being a survivor or something. So do lots of journelling and talking about your feelings and such and try to find a silver lining. It's there. Other things that help are having healthy psycho, social, physical, and spiritual practices. And maybe meds. I take meds and they just make my brain better than without them. I'm not a doctor so I don't know but I really hope you get feeling better. This will pass. Hang in there.

Maybe when you get Medicare and Rx coverage (Medicare will make you get a Rx plan) you can see a psychiatrist. My PCP had me on the same meds for years and finally referred me to a psychiatrist. He changed my antidepressant and added another one! What?! Some days I cry all day and some days I don’t give a shit. I’ve lost track of who I am on these meds.

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