I feel nothing

[Fishmonster]

What do I do when I don’t feel anything besides anxiety and depression? Destruction anger death killing sad butchering happy mutilating it’s all nothing to me I tell my self to be happy but I don’t feel it it being a nice day I’m accomplishing nothing I feel I have intrusive thoughts of killing someone going to sleep not to wake up sexual thoughts that just want me to boil my brain I walk through a store passing people thinking how I can kill them I’m just a moral-less shell music can’t go loud enough it feels to easy to say goodbye to this cruel world so many things bother my physically and mentally too much pain I remember when I would take a razor blade deep into my leg to feel the pain the blood the agony to feel something

[Agora1]

Fishmonster, you MUST get help immediately. You are a danger not only to yourself but others. Help is available to you but you need to reach out to a therapist or Emergency Room. The chemicals in your brain need some help right now to adjust the thoughts and feelings going on in your mind. Is there someone with you now? We need to keep you safe. x

[Agora1]

Fishmonster, I need to hear from you. I need to know you are SAFE...

[Fishmonster]

I’m never safe im here now just going through the motions

[Agora1 in reply to Fishmonster]

Thank you for responding. I take this very seriously when someone is hurting emotionally as you are. Are you under a therapist's care? On medication? It sounds like you need to be seen by a professional who knows your case history and can help you. No one should have to feel this much physical and emotional pain everyday. Something needs to be adjusted (meds ? )

We're here to listen. x

[Fishmonster in reply to Agora1]

I’m on meds and have been I feel like I tried everything I’m at my end

[Agora1 in reply to Fishmonster]

When meds aren't doing anything and other methods have been tried, then it sometimes becomes the time to talk to your doctor about in patient care. I knew when I had reached that point and was admitted as in patient for several weeks. I was able to have 24/7 care from professionals who could observe me as well as my doctor doing some medication adjustments. Working on my issues during that time provided me with a respite from the emotional pain and crying I was under.

Please try to set up an appointment with your doctor to discuss what the next step should be. I understand your pain is all too real. x

[Pocha45 in reply to Agora1]

I feel fishmonster when pills.and therapy arent working it sucks ! Everyday is torture worrying worrying nervous fatigued.

[Agora1 in reply to Pocha45]

I was just looking over their past posts from fishmonster.

Are you going through this yourself Pocha45. I do agree, it's a bad spot to be in. x

[Pocha45 in reply to Agora1]

Yes for 2 years i have lost everything . I literally stay in the house summer is worse its like i just shut down. I feel like it's punishment. You just want to be normal like before.

[Agora1 in reply to Pocha45]

I so understand. It's difficult but even when I was backed into a corner feeling that nothing was working, I knew it was going to have to be up to me if I wanted to survive and get my life back.

We can only go by our own experiences. For me the in patient hospitalization gave me time to work on my issues as well as how I could address them. My doctors worked on trial and error of different meds while being monitored.

As it was though, once I was out of the hospital and the meds weren't doing their job and I became agoraphobic, that is when I took over. I turned this world upside down, looked into everything that I could. Used different modalities that were out there. Was glued to YouTube and listened to everything they had to offer on meditation, deep breathing etc.

I finally realized that after 30 years of being on Benzos, that it might just be the medication that was keeping me from going forward. It was then I started the slow, safe weaning off my meds (psychiatrist monitored). It took over 2 years to come off my daily meds as well as another year and a half for my brain to heal. I always knew there was a answer and I had found it. Half way through the healing process, I started feeling like myself again and today, I am back to being normal for me once again.

We each have to find our own path in getting to our goal. It is not an easy journey but it can be done. x

[Pocha45 in reply to Agora1]

Wow! That is great to hear i feel like i had so much time that i wasted for me its a combination of appearance ..feelings of sadness lack of achievement etc . I'm trying to work from home at least. I make plans then breakthem. People have lives and don't have time for my bs. My hair Is falling out weight up and down its hard trying to fight being depressed then you look depressed smh ....i really made a,mess of things i care to much what people think. It just doesnt end. I was doing ok then i fall back again night time is my only time I'm calm. Then the sun is up at 5or 6ish and the anxiety comes right back.

[Fishmonster]

I did spend a month in patient and then weeks out patient I feel I just have gotten worse I keep fighting just to have something new to fight off

[Pocha45 in reply to Fishmonster]

Exactly

[Fishmonster]

If nothing works then why continue just to torture ourselves?

[Fishmonster]

Hope you all do well ty for your help