Hating myself today....

[brightbronzexo]

Sometimes I feel like I'll never become a mom, and that scares me to death. I've had 3 abortions in my youth because i was too much of a coward to break up with my ex that I didn't want to be with, so I would always let him guilt trip me into sex, even tho i hated having sex with him. Then when I got pregnant I hated him even more. I just knew he did it on purpose so that he could try and trap me. So I got an abortion. Twice. I felt so horrible afterward because I knew if it was by anyone else I would've kept it. But i hated him so much for trying to trap me. Then another time with someone else. I was so desperate to get prego and have a baby I got preggo on purpose and the guy didn't want anything to do with me. It broke me apart and i had an abortion a 3rd time. Although he was there thru it all i still felt so alone. I knew the only reason he stayed during was becuz he wanted to make sure i had it done. That's how much he didn't want me to have his child, smh... I've been depressed since all this began 9 years ago

[gerg]

Nothing that you do today will change your past. Acceptance of our past allows us to learn the lessons we need and move forward as a better person.

[brightbronzexo]

Thank you. I will check it out

[fauxartist]

okay...I don't want to get into a debate with you because I am completely convinced your heart is in the right place...I am deleting my other comments because they are too close to the line on site policy about religion.

[brightbronzexo in reply to fauxartist]

Thank u both for commenting. And the website did help me by reading the other women's stories...i appreciate both of u for caring about me in that way 😊I hope you both have a great week!

[fauxartist in reply to brightbronzexo]

I'm glad that worked out for you...I think Here_I_am is a great guy with all good intentions.

[CaptainCrunch]

Sounds like you have had a rough go at things. I am glad you are reaching out. Life can be so unbearably hard at times. Please keep posting. I am sure you will get the help you need and support you deserve.

[brightbronzexo in reply to CaptainCrunch]

Thank you