Hating my 18 year old right now

[D0119]

I dont really hate him, but my anxiety doesn't let me handle this well!! He is now insisting on moving out of the house. We got into it over him taking my car without asking and never putting gas in it. I know this is stupid, but it's a respect things. We spend over 400 a month just to try and keep him from his outbursts. Meaning martial arts class...unlimited internet, phone, car etc. How do I get over this and not fall into his trap. Husband will not stick up for me...but that's another long issue. Sorry for complaining...just had to get it out.

[littleorange8]

then let him move out so he understands not to take these things for granted. he’s 18 and shouldn’t be having outbursts lol. my mom had cancer and i learned not to take anything for granted. i would help with dishes, fill car gas, etc. i even paid for her phone using money i saved up when i was your sons age!

[AZ1970]

Does your son have a mental illness? If so it seems his medications may need a boost. I have a 17 yr old with bipolar and autism. The best advice I have gotten is to not take things personally. When their brain is on fire from being triggered, it’s not really them. It’s the illness. That said, it is vital that you take care of yourself. That is the best thing you can do for your son.

[Hidden]

Maybe him moving out might be beneficial for him.

[Hidden]

Let him move out, he's definitely too spoiled

[Krazie]

It seems to me that moving out would be the best thing for everyone in the family right now. Your son need to learn respect and gratitude for the things you have done for him. The best way to learn this, is to go it on his own.

If he continues to have unreasonable outbursts, that interfere with his life, an evaluation by a mental health professional may be considered.

Good luck, dear. Teenagers can be difficult. I always thought it was because it made it easier to let go.

[fauxartist]

oh yeah...good guy bad guy parenting...sucks.... be the bad guy.... your right to set boundaries...and teenagers... yuck.... we had three here at one time...my heart goes out to you. You can love them, but don't enable them.... tough love can save them from themselves sometimes. Stick to your guns...set your boundaries...he's an adult....I know he has issues but unless he is a ward of the state.... he can do what he wants. Your only option is to let him know your supportive, but it's your house...and your rules. And if your husband objects...tough...if he isn't going to participate in dealing with the bad guy stuff, he has no say so.

[Ann10]

Teenagers are difficult to deal with. They have one foot at home and one foot out the door. Can he support himself with a job? They want independence at this age but have a hard time taking on adult responsibilities. If he starts looking at places to live, he will figure out if he can afford to be on his own with all the expenses. If he continues to live at home, he has to abide by your rules. I hope that you can figure out a solution to these issues.

[Hidden]

I have 2 children on the autism spectrum and have had to "keep them happy" myself against my ex's influence. Unfortunately for me I had to cut them off at 18. It was their therapists' call, so they could learn for themselves, but of course act as a back up. My youngest went off to live with his dad for a while out of anger and that was excrutiating for me, but they both now understand their role as my child and what I am dealing with. Its HARD and hurts, but works. Family therapy is another option.

[thealonemom]

My heart goes out to you. I had very simular problems with my daughter. Our home became a battleground and at one point i had to tell her to move out. That was the most difficult thing that i ever had to do. You are correct that yes it is a respect thing. What you are dealing with basically is a power struggle. Therapy taught me many things while my daughter was home that i didnt realize would happen when she turned 18 or really gave much thought to. Turning 18 is a whole new world for both you and your child. The fact that legally at 18 they are adults takes many things we were respinsible for away from us and gives to them. Here are a few examples. They must show their ID and complete and sign their own medical paperwork. They can even tell the Dr. To not share medical info with you. Do you know that i was not able to change a cell number at the pharmacy for my daughters scripts. I had no legal rights at all. Think how empowering that would feel to an 18 yr old. So dynamics have changed and they have to change some at home as well. We cannot try to xontrol any longer. They must be respectful but we as parents have to change. We have to give more freedom to allow them to learn to be that adult. Yes it is your home and there are rules but they will be different rules than before. Set up certains times the car is available. If he cant fill it with gas then hide the keys and he walks. If is going somewhere let you know. If he will be back late make a call and let you know. The rules now are about respect. If he is not able to do that then just let him move. You are working way too hard when you dont have to. Set the boundaries as well as the consequences if they are not followed. Then there is no thinking about it. Oh and never discuss anything while either of you are angry. I promise you will do or say something that you will regret.