I have been suicidal for most of my life. When things get bad,I want out. I actually wake everyday disappointed that I’m alive. The only thing that keeps me going is my sweet 14 year old son. I ended up in the hospital about 3 years ago for attempted suicide and I promised him I wouldn’t do it again. Yesterday my husband and I had a very bad fight and I almost broke that promise. I don’t know how to be happy. I don’t have one person in this world I can call my friend. I am married to an addict whose been in recovery for 12 years now, but he has an awful disposition and I honestly don’t know why I married him. I constantly make bad decisions and choose the wrong mates. I can’t remember a time in my life when I was happy for than a day or 2. I actually envy others who have successfully committed suicide. Isn’t that awful?I quit going to church for a lot of reasons.
We don’t visit anyone and no one visits us.
So, so tired of life. It sucks to be me.