Verbally abusive bf

[Lena613]

Hi I'm new here. I've always had issues because TBH I think I'm bipolar. To broke to find out how true that is. But I've never felt like myself. If that makes since. I been dating this guy for 2 yrs & ever since my depression & anxiety have gotten way worse. He is verbally abuse but then turn around & be super nice to me. He is very controling. Of course he wasn't like this at the beginning. It started a few mths ago. Now I try to leave but some how he does something to make me believe things will change. I'm to the point where I can't bare to keep this up but I can't leave him either. I know how dumb it sounds because when this happened to a friend of mine it was easy. Now that it's me I don't know how to handle it. Any advice?

[gogogirl]

I don't have any advice- but why can't you leave? You've already said you've gotten worse since dating him. Life is too short to waste on someone who wraps you in a cycle of abuse then controls by being "nice."

[Lena613 in reply to gogogirl]

He tells me he is gonna change & he will for a few days. But then it gets worse.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to say this yet I think you should leaver him. Positive breeds positive & negative breeds negative. I'm here any time for you. Here's a big warm hug from me! XXX

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

oops I meant leave , forgive me, sometimes I try to type to fast, always in a hurry & I go no where!

[Lena613 in reply to Hidden]

Ty

[Hidden in reply to Lena613]

I'm sorry I don't get Ty, forgive me? XXX

[gogogirl]

If you are afraid of leaving because of finances- I hope you can contact a crisis line and a shelter. No one needs to live like that.

[Lena613 in reply to gogogirl]

He threatens to tell ppl at my job my business when he feels I'm gonna leave. I'm a very private person not even my family or friends know anything about my relationship. So he uses that to keep me. That scares me.

[gogogirl]

If he threatens like that - that is control. Please for your own sake ( I know I cannot tell you what to do) tell your family if they are a supportive bunch. You are being scared against your will. What would happen if he beat you so that you became dysfuntional ? That is why you need advice from a shelter or even some women's support group. Please- please get help. Also, usually jobs I think keep information confidential about people for security's sake- otherwise anybody could call about anybody- right? People have to wonder- why would anyone want to keep someone against his or her will. I do not know what kind of abuse he has inflicted - such as name calling, threatening to hurt you , stealing property etc. but staying with someone like that sounds very very risky.

[Rickrock]

Get rid of him , he’ll never change .

[Lena613 in reply to Rickrock]

Ty

[gogogirl]

Please continue to post here so we know you are okay.

[Lena613 in reply to gogogirl]

Ty.

[gogogirl in reply to Lena613]

What is Ty?

[Hidden in reply to gogogirl]

It stands for thank you 😊

[EmLee96]

Have you heard of battered woman syndrome? Its when one is in an abusive relationship but refuses to leave it. Its easy to see from the outside that it is unhealthy and that one needs to leave it, but it is a lot harder to actually do so, especially when they try to "make up" for what they have done.

If this kind of behavior has become a pattern for him, you need to leave this relationship because it is dangerous for you. However that is only something that you can do. I hope that you find the strength to do so because we all deserve someone who loves us all the time.

[Lena613 in reply to EmLee96]

He wasn't like this at the beginning I think that's why it's hard for me to accept that this is who he really is. Slowly thing get worse. And I keep believing things will change. I was a strong women at the beginning. I always helped women in these situations. And now that it's me I feel stuck. Ty for your words.

[EmLee96 in reply to Lena613]

Sadly people are not always who they seem to be. Im sorry things are like this for you. You can be that strong woman again! Use this experience to help others

[Lena613 in reply to EmLee96]

I just read about BWS and thats exactly how I feel! He has never hit me it's more a mind thing for him. Verbally abusive. Ty for sharing that with me.

[EmLee96 in reply to Lena613]

It is crazy what verbal abuse can do to someone- it can actually be worse off in some cases because there is no evidence of it... Except in the mind of the victim. There are lots of hotlines that you can call and talk to someone trained to handle circumstances like yours. They are great resources!

[Lena613 in reply to EmLee96]

Ty

[gogogirl]

Again, please post here, and let us know how you are doing.

[MommyBro]

Clearly this is abuse by your significant other. I haven't experienced it, but I know people who have worked in women's shelters, and this is the classic pattern for abuse. It will keep getting worse. I also recommend calling a hotline and planning an exit strategy. These people can help you with that. Sometimes you can't just suddenly leave; you need to make a plan, especially if he scares you. This dynamic with him will not change, so you need help to get out of there.

[Hidden]

Maybe your bf has bpd, bipolar or explosive personality disorder. Why would u suspect you’re bi polar? Self diagnosis is bad, u need to see have an evaluation in a mental hospital to know for sure. Abusive people are NEVER mean in the beginning, they are nice so they can lure you in at first. Watch some documentaries. If I were u, I’d save some money, and leave when he’s not there and go to the police. Fuck that!