Some of you know, I'm horribly agoraphobic among other things and, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I haven't left my home since January. I've been crying for 3 days.
My doctor is forcing me to come in for medication management. I tried to extend my time but, he insists that I come in or, no more meds. I find it super uncompassionate. I don't like him, we had a telehealth appointment a couple months ago and I was deflated afterwards. He grilled me, I didn't see it coming.
I'm a mess right now. I can't stop crying and I can't rest. I don't want to leave I'm so scared. πͺ Any advice?
I picked out my clothes and jewelry and me and my wife have come up with plans to let her know what I need at all times. She's very supportive thank goodness. I've never been this scared in my life. Dead serious. Ugh.
38 Replies
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Try not to feed the fear. Our fight or flight mechanism works overtime when we are afraid. Deep breaths. Leaving home is never as bad as we envision it will be. Try to occupy your mind with something else tonight. You got this, I promise.
Don't let people have power over you it's ok to be with your pain or fear all the others are bufoons living dumb lives and your no exception you don't need to be anything other than you and still this world should not have forced you to be afraid , be still , all the others have pitfalls and struggles and we r all on these boat forgive
I had a similar problem just today or anytime I leave my house....what helps me is to think it's never as bad as you imagine it will be..and remember you'll be at a doctors office if it does get bad there is someone there to help you
Don't shame yourself. Cry, scream and howl at the universe about how scared you are. It's very real. Unless someone's been in your shoes they have no idea how hard it can be to leave home. It's unfortunate you're doctor is not more compassionate. I can understand him wanting to meet in person every so often but to grill you about things can be deflating.
Whoever is coming with you needs to also step in and express the direness of your situation.
If the appointment goes sideways it may be time to find a new doctor.
Yesterday I did something that I was frightened of and survived it!
What it was was that I had set my mind to go out for the day and go on the buses and at first I was terrified of the idea of getting a crowded evening bus home and had talked myself round saying yes I was going out anyway and that I would face the crowded evening bus home when it was time and worry about it later on!
So that I did I had a great day out and the first bus I got on was busy but not so much that I was terrified and the second one down there was fine as well and next time I go down there in due course it will be nice and easy!
Then it was time to come back and the first bus was busy but not terrifying so and I took a seat at the back and there were no problems there.
Then it was time for the evening bus and it was crowded so i took a seat at the front of the bus as I was feeling terrified and I had nearly given into feelings of terror by getting off the crowded bus but told myself no you will stay and see it through to the end and that running away from things that frighten you doesn't solve anything!
It's horrible isn't it when you feel absolutely terrified of things and you want to run away and avoid them but I told myself no you will stick with it and see it through to the end!
I kept telling myself things were fine and it wasn't long until I could come back home and sit down with a cup of tea and relax!
I did see it through to the end though and I was proud of myself for having pushed through in spite of having felt absolutely terrified on that crowded bus!
Next time I go it will be easier when I face crowded buses again!
Good news from here as I have paid off all my new urgent furniture that I bought for this place in full!
I swear on a stack of bibles that I have set up and paid for the urgent furniture myself out of my own capital rather than going running to mummy for money!
When my sister got her own place mummy and daddy bought it for her but lied to shut me up claiming they had given her the money as a loan but no they hadn't it was lies and at the time I had become ever so upset as it was unfair!
Nowadays I feel sorry for those who run to mummy at every little thing and get things handed to them as my brother got handed a flat and a car without having to work for them and I felt sorry for him as one day mummy won't be there to hand things out and what will he do then?
Nowadays as time has gone by and I have had many years of experience I do feel that long term its being unkind to kids handing them everything without them having to earn it themselves as when mummy and daddy are gone life won't step in and hand you things!
With myself I appreciate my things and enjoy them more because I have had to work hard for them and wait for them even though its infuriating having to wait I would rather that than get things handed without earning them and then getting told after all I have done for you blah blah blah and I would shoot back and say well you didn't have to no one forced you to do those things it was your own free choice!
Well congratulations! That's an amazing thing to do! So freeing. Good for you, I'm happy for you and, I agree with everything you said. It's not possible to enjoy the fruits of our labor if we rely too much on others. I mean an occasional help out is ok to me but, that's it.
Again, so happy for you! ππππππππππ keep on keeping on.
Thank you so much!!!! It's over now and I'm grateful! I cried when I got into his office, he told me to take a deep breath. I still don't 100% like him but, I don't hate him. I made an appointment elsewhere for 3 months out. Thank you again!
ππ»you did it Swilly!! Thatβs all that matters. So glad itβs done and hopefully the next one will be a better click for you. Sending good vibes and letβs speak it into reality. Hugs.
Thank you so much it means the world! I do feel like I can leave again and am even excited about it. I faced my fear and I'm ok. I love this community, you've all been super helpful. Thank you again πππππβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈβ¨οΈ
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Great job Swilly! I knew you could do it. Donβt give up, build on the momentum and get out a little more at a time. Eventually it becomes second nature. So proud of you!!
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I'm absolutely gonna ride this momentum! It feels great. Thank you so much! ππππ
Take things one step at a time today. Sometimes I have to stay in the moment and not think ahead. Get up and get ready. Take your time doing that. If you have to sit in a waiting room at all try this simple breathing exercise: breathe in deeply while slowly counting to three, hold that deep breath while counting to three, slowly exhale while counting to three. Can you take someone in with you while you see the doctor? Someone you're comfortable with. There are times I need to do that because I get overwhelmed and can't remember what the doctor said. Also take a notebook with you. Writing things down is both a distraction and a way to remember important things. And please remember you're not alone. Everyone here will be with you. Sending positive calming thoughts.
Yesterday when I was terrified of the evening crowded bus just before I set off to go out for the day which I really enjoyed I had told myself how I can't let irrational fears stop me doing things and to get worried about the crowded evening bus back when it was time to do so!
I did get the crowded bus in the evening and had been absolutely terrified and had nearly got off it in terror but had told myself that running away from fears doesn't solve them and that I would stay with it and very soon I would be home and could relax with a cup of tea!
I stayed with it and survived in spite of the horrible feelings of being terrified!
Being terrified is horrible but it won't hurt you and it's better to see challenges through than not!
I would rather go to things that frighten me and be absolutely terrified and work through it than avoid them and miss out on opportunities!
Thank you! That's all extremely helpful! I love my notebooks and folders for worksheets. It's over now and I'm grateful! I cried when I got into his office, he told me to take a deep breath. I still don't 100% like him but, I don't hate him. I made an appointment elsewhere for 3 months out. Thank you again!
Btw yes, wife came with me. She's in my corner 100%. I made her my agent on my Healthcare power of attorney so she can do anything for me. I trust her. She was uber supportive. Breathing exercises saved me that day.
I honestly almost made a post to here from the waiting room. There were so many people waiting and, it made my anxiety quite extreme. That was a part of my fear (there being a lot of people in the waiting room). Stupid doctors offices! π
Years ago we went to the family planning clinic to their evening session to pick up a contraceptive pill prescription and the place was packed and we had to stand in the waiting room!
Ughhhhhh!!! I hate that! I mean no one likes waiting but we dislike it for different reasons than "normal" people.
What gets me are the germs, the smells, the coughing and sneezing, and the unknown that anything can happen at any time with anyone in that room. The more people, the bigger the risk that something bad will happen.
Those are my irrational thoughts anyway.
I was gonna have my wife go check in for me and text me when it was time to go in but, I made the mistake of assuming that bc of the lack of lots of cars in the parking lot, that there wouldn't be many people. Boy, was I wrong!
Thank you so much!!!! It's over now and I'm grateful! I cried when I got into his office, he told me to take a deep breath. I still don't 100% like him but, I don't hate him. I made an appointment elsewhere for 3 months out. Thank you again!
Your fear is real and you are having real reactions. It doesn't matter if others think you should be able to control it. Short term, it sounds like you need to make it to your doctor. Perhaps there are ways to reduce the stimuli that triggers your response. Ways to shield you from as much exposure to stimuli as possible. Someone might drive you and pick you up and drop you back home as close to your front door as possible,. Maybe, you can wear very dark sun glasses, practice deep breathing technoques to calm yourself, even put a jacket over your head and have someone guide you...whatever will help reduce your panic,
Long term, this doctor does not sound like a psychiatrist or good at patient care. You need to find one who understands your situation, will do telemed appointments and will help you find ways to have a functional life. Also, a therapist who works with this specific phobia and has a good track record treating people with your condition. could be very helpful.
Unfortunately, there are no short cuts to get through all of this but there may be ways to reduce your anxiety in the short term and then take a serious look at finding the best psychiatrist and therapist for yourself. You may not get to enjoy going out, especially in crowds but you may be able to go to a park or on a quiet vacation. Setting up "carrots" for yourself to help motivate you to try different ways to reduce your panic response to going out and being around people may provide a more positive and confident outlook. It's long and it's hard but with the right help, it may be worth it.
You deserve to be able to enjoy life again and professional support may be able to help you get there . I wish you the best in your struggle. Don't ever stop trying to have a better life!
That's all so helpful and thank you! The appointment is over now thank goodness. I did do some of the skills you spoke of. I'm getting better, feeling positive today, thank you π
I did wear sunglasses but I get paranoid that I'll get judged by people. I have a hard time with being judged. Idk why I care so much about what people (that I'll most likely never see again) think about me.
My self esteem is shot, I'm sure that's a part of it.
I have saved your advice in my phone so, thanks again. π
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Another post, I know. It went so bad with my psych. 
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