Severe mental health fear PLEASE HELP

So, I have anxiety and some depression. I just started meds for it but I'm only in the first few days. So I won't feel anything yet. I fee a bit of confusion. And loss of appetite. But I'm just hoping this works.

My biggest fear has always been having something more serious. Everyday I google and find a new symptom to give myself. I do not want to be schizophrenic but part of me believes I'm going to end up losing all touch with reality.

I don't hear or see things but I'm always checking to see if I do. I talk to myself in my head so much that I started to question if that's a symptom. Even if I have a negative thought usually it's a thought in my head I don't hear or see anyone else's voices in my ears or my head, just me

Also, I have some sort of fear of god. I do believe in him and I do pray but the fact that schizophrenics sometimes associate themselves with Talkingto god scared me. The other day I was watching a movie and had a thought pop up about a movie with sex and I immediately though what if that was god. Sort of like god controlling ones thoughts which is again a symptom so I started to freak out. My far with god is unknown maybe being punished for sins or something since my mom said that growing up. Usually they're just thoughts I know are ridiculous but because I'm having them and am associating them with schizophrenia I'm afraid.

I hate seeing coincidences because then I start to fear if I'm psychic because I've heard they see coincidences a lot as well as numbers that stand out to them and I see my birthday all the time on the clock so it's been freaking me out

Before this fear I used to pray so much for a sign to help the anxiety go away. That now any little coincidence or sign I associate with god sending me a sign or something. Most times I can't give it a meaning once I thought oh that's scary maybe since she hurt herself it's a sign that I should hurt myself. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just want to make sure it's still anxiety and depression.

I have agoraphobia with some panic but I also have a beautiful little boy who I want to focus on. Will my life ever be the same again ? Being that I've googled I've kind of implanted the symptoms to myself and I'm freaking out. But everyday it's something new. A month ago it was bipolar disorder. Now it's schizophrenia and psychosis I'm hoping to overcome this especially with the antidepressant. I hope my mood lifts and the thoughts and worry stop.

Thanks.

Seeing my therapist tomorrow but I could use some reassurance right now.

Is this all something that can be dealt with.

Will I be okay ? I have a toddler who I want to be there for. Without worrying and googling soo much and stop trying to find a sign in everything.

Thanks again

[Kobojunkie]

finding a sign in everything? There are no such things.

Talking to yourself in your head? I talk to myself and I do so out loud. I have conversations with myself when I am alone and sometimes catch myself doing it when I am around others. Nothing wrong with that. Matter of fact, it helps me when I need to make a decision. I think it is part of my brilliance.

seeing god in everything? That is a stretch. If God wanted you to see Him, you would have absolutely no doubt in your mind that what you just saw was God. So stop thinking you see him everywhere when you are not even sure. He is God. It's like if you were to see your mother, would You have any doubts about what you see? Of course not.

make sure to let your therapist know of all the tears on your mind and insist on getting some help with all of them. You pay the therapist to help you, so make sure he/ she gives you the attention you think you deserve or find a better one. It is your money.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

I said more of controlling the thoughts and sending signs. Not actually seeing him. Thank you for your feedback. My post was more in question as to do I seem schizophrenic or psychosis ?

[BonnieSue in reply to Hidden]

You don't seem schizophrenic or psychotic. But I am not a psychiatrist. Still, I can look up the definitions and you do not fit. So in my un-doctor state and my medical professional situation with plenty of experience in many things medical and my research capabilities I do not suspect these diagnoses in what you have told us so far about yourself. Now you can breathe easy.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Hidden]

I think you are overthinking things. Rather than torture yourself why not simply go see your psychiatrist and get him to tell you once and for all whether you have any of those ot if it is all just in your mind? That is still the best bet. Free your mind of the fears once and for all.

[Hidden in reply to Kobojunkie]

I see my therapist tomorrow. I'll let her know of my worries