So, I have anxiety and some depression. I just started meds for it but I'm only in the first few days. So I won't feel anything yet. I fee a bit of confusion. And loss of appetite. But I'm just hoping this works.
My biggest fear has always been having something more serious. Everyday I google and find a new symptom to give myself. I do not want to be schizophrenic but part of me believes I'm going to end up losing all touch with reality.
I don't hear or see things but I'm always checking to see if I do. I talk to myself in my head so much that I started to question if that's a symptom. Even if I have a negative thought usually it's a thought in my head I don't hear or see anyone else's voices in my ears or my head, just me
Also, I have some sort of fear of god. I do believe in him and I do pray but the fact that schizophrenics sometimes associate themselves with Talkingto god scared me. The other day I was watching a movie and had a thought pop up about a movie with sex and I immediately though what if that was god. Sort of like god controlling ones thoughts which is again a symptom so I started to freak out. My far with god is unknown maybe being punished for sins or something since my mom said that growing up. Usually they're just thoughts I know are ridiculous but because I'm having them and am associating them with schizophrenia I'm afraid.
I hate seeing coincidences because then I start to fear if I'm psychic because I've heard they see coincidences a lot as well as numbers that stand out to them and I see my birthday all the time on the clock so it's been freaking me out
Before this fear I used to pray so much for a sign to help the anxiety go away. That now any little coincidence or sign I associate with god sending me a sign or something. Most times I can't give it a meaning once I thought oh that's scary maybe since she hurt herself it's a sign that I should hurt myself. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just want to make sure it's still anxiety and depression.
I have agoraphobia with some panic but I also have a beautiful little boy who I want to focus on. Will my life ever be the same again ? Being that I've googled I've kind of implanted the symptoms to myself and I'm freaking out. But everyday it's something new. A month ago it was bipolar disorder. Now it's schizophrenia and psychosis I'm hoping to overcome this especially with the antidepressant. I hope my mood lifts and the thoughts and worry stop.
Seeing my therapist tomorrow but I could use some reassurance right now.
Is this all something that can be dealt with.
Will I be okay ? I have a toddler who I want to be there for. Without worrying and googling soo much and stop trying to find a sign in everything.