Irrational fear

[quitter333]

Hi, a short intro for better situation - I started having anxiety after many things piled up in my life - stress at work, relationships, lack of athletic activities for over 5 months, despite very athletic life - and most notably abandoning substance use - cigarettes cold turkey, pot, most of coffee and alcohol - caused a landslide of mood and mental disorders, that are lasting for over 45 days now (I know many struggle with withdrawal and so on for months, but my symptoms change rather than get better - from severe panic attacks, to insomnia, to weird mental things (mindpops and racing thoguths) and now panic attacks at night. It's like suffering from panic attacks, that goes away, then slight dementia, then it goes away and memory loss and insomnia arrives etc.

The point is that is truly hope it's just withdrawal and some traumatic experience stress (I genuinely had first panic attack during night in my life and thought I have gone insane, severe depersonalization and fear of not being able to think straight.

I can attribute A LOT of problems to lack of sleep, as it is hard for me to fall asleep, despite attempts to do it in a disciplined manner. So hopefully if I get a week of good sleep my mind will restart. I even broke my teatotalling ways and got really drunk - yes, you can sleep for 10 hours, but the sleep is of shit quality and you wake up just as anxious as ever. Sleeping 4-5 hours normally gives MUCH better results.

SO - THAT ABOVE WAS GENERAL DESCRIPTION. NOW QUESTION:

My current mental problem is panicky feeling/panick attacks at night. I wake up every 2,5-4 hours (i.e. exactly over 1 sleep cycle. Before that I slept like a bear) and have a weird feeling. I have learned to live with it and there is no fear or racing thoguths anymore, as I wake up rather normal at the end of the night. But yesterday I panicked over absolutely irrational fear or poking my eye. I imagined it so vividly, I had to hide my pen and was fearing I might poke my eyes with fingers and had to get up and breath some fresh air. I never went back to bed and just listened to music and calmed down rather quickly. It was unfortunately Monday morning and about 5AM. Felt extremely sleepy later even tried sleeping 9-11 AM but then just went to work.

Do you ever feel irrational things like this? I read ALL AROUND mental problems from withdrawal to schizophrenia and I don't feel anything heavy applies to me. I do think though I have suppressed either ADHD or depression or bipolar syndrome for years now (had terribly broken heart 3 years ago). My brain always have been super creative and quick to think write speak and connect, but it recently feels like having a ferarri engine where you pour in nitro and water simultaneously.

Do you experience irrational fear? Especially at night?

I have had panicky wake-ups before, mostly because I started noticing my brain just rushing shitton of memories I had recently without me willingly recalling them. Thankfully I am in absolute control and know it is just mindpops, but not like voices or hallucinations. They are (rather - were) also all neutral. Still - freaked me out when I wake up mid night fresh from dreaming (dreams also became extremely vivid recently), and I get awake and mind races and I feel a bit crazy and anxiety starts because of it

. If I concentrate I could stop it so racing mind is in the past I hope, I don't notice anything for the last few days now. Panic attacks at night have returned and it freaks me out much more, as it robs me of sleep and that starts to make me irritable and slower. Fun communication while I love it, is tiring to me when I have been short on sleep, while usually I am the talkative one.

If you share experience, it would be nice thank you

[rach1402]

As I was reading your post, I kept thinking to myself, that sounds very much like my experience of ADHD and then you mentioned it yourself. That would be worth investigating, especially as a lot of people with ADHD who are not diagnosed and treated effectively often self medicate with illicit substances and alcohol. It can also develop into bipolar disorder if not well managed.

I have always found life a struggle and didn't know why I found things difficult that other people could do with no trouble at all. It was a relief to get diagnosed, nearly 2 years ago now, when I was 35 years old. I'm still trying to tweak my medication to find the right one at the right dose for me, which is easier said than done when my psychiatrist seems to be stuck in the dark ages, but just knowing and understanding why I have the difficulties I have is a big help.

[quitter333 in reply to rach1402]

Well, the point is I actually can concentrate like to a high level and enjoy studying, it is just that I often get bored (I can willpower through immense amounts of material though, like point focus for 24 hours non stop work easily). I've always been a bit hasty and quick thinking, but not necessirily book smart.

I feel the shock from quitting all substances and problems just sent my brain into overdrive a little. I still cannot say if I am regaining my true self, or am getting worse with my health. After all my age should be accounted for as well, I right off the adolescent years.

[rach1402 in reply to quitter333]

Yeah, it's worth taking everything into consideration. Hyperfocus is a feature of ADHD, I could only really hyperfocus on video games when I was a kid/teen but my 10 year old daughter can hyperfocus on reading. To much info to put here, but the defining characteristics of ADHD are problems with the executive brain functions, you should be able to find them easily if you Google executive brain functions. It's definitely worth looking into as a possibility you might have ADHD, it would make a lot of sense and easy to treat once you know what you're dealing with.

[Chantalmarie1988]

Hi there ! Yes I get horrible insomnia and irrational fears that just come out of no where. Have you tried any natural sleep remedies ? Melatonin , sound machine, eye mask . Lavender is a great smell to help you relax. Spray on your sheets and pillows . I also recommend not doing any work , studying or eating in your bed because that can mess with your sleep cycle. Your bed should be used just for sleeping. Try to stay off your phone an hour before bed because the light can immensely effect your sleep. Readings book before bed helps! Hope this helps!

[quitter333 in reply to Chantalmarie1988]

Remedies tried - yes. Poor results.

Screens off before sleep - I almost get to bed easier if I just watch something. I will try avoiding ANY screens outside my work as of today.

Today I made a mistake of not going to sleep when I felt like it at about 20oo l 8pm and ended up going to bed and falling asleep at 2AM at night. It is 6:30 precisely and I woke up. And sure as hell had this dealing of - oh this feels weird. Remembee i feel weird and pa icky in mornings? Even felt a flash of adrenaline throughout body - but concentrated and its fone now a minute later. I am literally distracting myself with Healthunlocked right now

[Bjo51]

I have sleep problems but I think yours are much worse. I think you should see a regular doctor first for the physical panic attacks. Then you should see a therapist of some type so you can talk it through with someone who understands. All of what you are going through is not good for your body, you are going to end up with more problems.

I have to take something to sleep otherwise I was functioning on 2-3 hours of sleep every night. I was seeing a therapist but I didn’t feel comfortable with him so I am going to find another one. I also have night terrors and wake up screaming.

Please see a dr and get help. I will pray for you.

[baileyf14]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have heard that irrational fear happens more during the night time. I have not experienced it but I know people who have. Have you thought about seeing a professional about what you are dealing with? They can help you figure out what is triggering this and help you find ways to cope/make it better. I would do this as soon as you feel comfortable so you can maybe get it under control faster. I really hope everything gets better.

[quitter333 in reply to baileyf14]

I really got these things since I stopped smoking (I have felt fear, anxiety, anger, dark thoughts and depression before, but not like in such a manifestation and so suddenly). I think my brain got shocked a little too much. Hence I am reluctant to really make a bigger problem out of this as it already is.

...

I already mentioned it to my family doctor. I got some anti-stress pills, I used for when I had panic attacks after quitting to smoke, but overall I avoided using any medical remedy for too long.

As I said - I feel rather good overall, but problem is that I have just these waves of uncomfortable thoughts. they are very short, and I strongly feel that they fade away as time goes by. I definitely felt weird and anxious 24/7 like 4-5 weeks ago, and now I already feel very productive, except evenings. Still - I have these mental things, they feel like traumatic memories of extreme depersonalization/ panic during few nights after quitting smokes. I do not know if that's normal or a concern, since never before something influenced me like this. (like - I can understand feeling moody, but feeling weird and having weird thoughts is new to me. It does not influence my social life too much)

[quitter333]

Update - it was connected with blood pressure (hightened)