Guilt

[BlueRussianCat]

Feeling guilty for not going to a social event. My son wanted to go because there would be others playing football. I didn't want to go because I knew I would be alone as most people don't talk to me beyond greetings. But I was going to do it for him. I woke up really early that morning with nerves so I was tired early afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until it started. I could have still gone as I had everything ready but I let my social anxiety prevent me from making the effort. I used the time as an excuse not to go.

I feel guilty because my social anxiety is affecting my son. I know social isolation is not healthy and I don't want him to suffer from my anxiousness. My guilt pushes me into depression and suicidal ideation. I think I am a failure and a horrible mom. My husband is not supportive because he didn't want to go either. But he doesn't feel the same responsibility for our kid's social engagement as I do.

I want the negative feelings to go away. I can tell myself I will be better next time but I never am. I fall into the same doubt and fear every time. I can't stop obsessing over what I should have done differently. I want a rewind button to do it differently so I don't feel this way. I fear I am harming my son.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I’m sorry for your struggles. Keep coming back. You’re not alone.

[optimismrus]

You are not alone. I've struggled with guilt over choices I've made as a mother. We can't change the past, but we can accept that we are doing the best we can. Maybe you can find something to do with your son that you'd both enjoy and share. Beating yourself up only makes it worse. You deserve peace of mind and I hope you find it. We're her for you. 🥰

[BlueRussianCat in reply to optimismrus]

Thank you for the support. Unfortunately my son is at the age where he wants to spend time with his friends and not his mom.

[metalminded]

Is your son old enough that you could drop him off at the event, providing it’s safe, and let him enjoy time with hood friends?

[BlueRussianCat in reply to metalminded]

Yes and that is part of the guilt that I didn't even do that.

[metalminded in reply to BlueRussianCat]

I understand the guilt. This is something that will take time to overcome. Step by step.

At least for next time you know you can do this for him.