Uncertainty: when I was 12, I watched... - Anxiety and Depre...

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when I was 12, I watched my mum enter a manic episode for the first time. No one else picked up on it, but I sat there for months watching her go downhill, until she was hospitalized. Ever since, I've kept a stringent watch on my own thoughts and actions. I have actively worked on improving myself. The problem being that even my attempts to fix myself begin to look like an illness. My Psyche can't determine whether I have bipolar, depression, anxiety or ptsd. I've had A headache for 7 years as well, which is getting worse. And so everything i do and think could fall into some sort of mental illness, regardless of how hard I tried to achieve that attitude or behavior, it could always be attributed to bipolar or ptsd, or denial.

Now I have to decide whether I'm going to try another medication for depression which could trigger bipolar :/

11 Replies

Are you under medical care for your condition? I hope you're not trying to "fix" this on your own.

well, I see my doctor weekly at the moment, and I've got a psychologist. Is there anything else I could be doing?

Yes, is your "Doctor" a neuropsychiatrist or a family practitioner? Can make a very big difference.

I'm glad you're under medical care. I got the impression from your initial post that maybe you were trying to battle this on your own. That happens a lot on this forum - many people are as afraid of treatment as they are of their illness.

haha, I know the feeling. I guess everyone is resistant to change.

It's a funny thing about this illness - people are in absolute misery, yet they don't want to change anything. I like to quote your great Mr. Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going!"

HearYou in reply to jkl5500

Washington knew it didn't matter how many battles one loses, as long as you keep the (right) troops fighting "together",you win. That's why I was asking which type a soldier was your "Doctor" and suggested a second or third opinion.

jkl5500 in reply to HearYou

I don't know if she wants to hear about Washington, as she is British. But your point is valid - a GP usually doesn't know beans about behavioral disorders.

HearYou in reply to jkl5500

Well, I'm American, born well after WWII, but know about Churchill and respect his legacy. I'm not Engish. So think she may have heard of Washington. If not, she may be curious to learn a tiny bit about a prominent Brit named Washington who felt England had to give up and recognize a new and only nation governed the way Washingon helped create.

You are correct about the need to determine what "Doctor" she has. England's system may be providing her a GP as he is less expensive than a psychiatrist.

Have you considered a second opinion by a different psychiatrist? Responded to your other post. Know most people in your life said to stop school and you can't work. But you can make a decision to have a say in your treatment. The diagnosis label is not as important is the right care is provided. Hummm. Have you tried a third opinion? Took several before I was referred to the right one.

Please kneel down and pray and force yourself to have hope that everything will be better and believe that God is hearing. Pray and don't loose hope.

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