Looking for support

Hello I'm here because I need a judge free zone to vent with people who will understand. I lost my job due to my mental illness three years ago and now I receive social security disability benefits and it's barely enough to live off of. I know I need to overcome my mental illness and find work to support myself and my children. Most days it's hard for me to leave my bedroom for anything other than the bathroom. I think I know what to do and I think if i tried i could figure out how to do it but I just can't bring myself to do anything other than sleep. I lost so much weight and my hair is falling out so I don't feel pretty and that just adds to all of the issues that I am already struggling with. I really want to be better for myself and children but I just can't. If you read this and have any advice for dealing with depression anxiety and PTSD please share.

15 Replies

  • First off, I may not know you but I can sure say that you must be beautiful. I say that because after all your struggles, you still have hope. Hope for yourself, hope for your children, and hope for a better life. You may not see it yet but it is there clearly written in your post. So there, that is one less worry for. Now, anyone with depression, anxiety, or whatever can tell you that there is not a quick fix for us. The road is long, hard, and never goes away. It's a constant struggle everyday. Some days you win and some days you don't. Focus on the days you win. You need to set yourself some goals if you are serious about what you want. Write them down. In bed if you have to. If you can't get out of bed, then the first goal is to get out of bed. Start small. If necessary ask for help from friends, family, and believe it or not, your children. I don't know how old they are but I can almost guarantee they see you. Kids are extremely observant and resilient. Love for our children can be a very powerful tool of motivation and support. I am not saying you should unload your struggles on them. Never. But trying to be the mother they need goes along way. Always remember that even the most seemingly insignificant goals can build upon one another. Next thing you know, your holding down a job and taking the kids out on the town. Don't misunderstand me, it's never as easy as that. I know all too well. It took medication, therapy, and time to just get to a point that I could manage. Also, check with your disability office about programs that can help you. I know they offer some and they are free. They may be able to help you find a job when you are ready. You can do this. Don't give up. You have already taken a step. You are talking.

  • I don't have a support system at all. My marriage ended very badly and we relocated because of it. So I don't know anyone here. My oldest child knows more than I would like for him to about my mental illness. He is a great help. I know it is because of him I haven't completely lost it!

    I have found a place here that finds jobs for people with disabilities but I haven't been able to bring myself to make the call. I so scared just thinking about it makes me makes my heart race.

    My parents come visit every 3 months to cook up a bunch of food and drag me out of my house. I have thought about asking my mom to sit with me while I made the call but I don't know how to ask her and I think she will probably think that her sitting beside me to make a call is pretty stupid. Her and my dad both think that I just need to snap out of it already.

    I want to set goals but in the past if I didn't accomplish them I felt so bad about myself and my abilities. I Know it's something I need to do and I will just start small.

    You give really good advice. I feel like just talked with a old friend. Thank you

  • I feel for your heartache. It is never easy when a marriage ends. You may not have a support system near you yet but you do have one here. Sometimes, I think it is easier to share our difficulties like this. Without the anxiety of having to actually look someone in the eye while telling them you are drowning. No fear of judgement or disappointment that can sometimes be so clearly evident in the way they look at you. Sorry, got off track. I am relieved that your son is a source of comfort for you. Children have a way of doing that. Maybe it's because they are innocent and they love so completely. It makes no different to them. (A bit like dogs. Ha Ha. If only we could train them as easily.) I know that you are anxious about finding a job. Being a single parent is hard enough. Add in financial problems. It is no wonder you are stressed and depressed. BUT...you are strong. Never doubt that. Don't be afraid to ask your mom to stay with you. She gave you life. She visits every 3 months. As a mother yourself, you should know how we are affected when we see our children hurting. However, I don't know your particular relationship with your mom. If she was the first one that you thought of to sit with you then I can only surmise that you love her and trust her. If that is the case then I truly believe that she would not judge you or think you stupid. I bet she would jump at the chance to be your rock. We mom's need to feel needed too. Don't stress yourself out though. I hate to say it, but, is employment something you are emotionally ready for? Not that I don't have faith that you could do it because I do. Start slow. Just make sure you are in a place to deal with the stress. Remember you are fighting a war. Sometimes, in order to win a victory in a battle we must call on back up. That's us. We have faith in you.

  • Any possiblility that you could move closer to your parents? Hope I am not being too nosy. Isolation is a great contibutor of poor mental health. Those of us here alreaady know that. I was also asking that because you have kids, lost a job, and your kids would have their grandparents closer.

  • I agree with small steps. One thing. Then maybe another.

  • Hello. If you receive SSD for your condition, there must have been medical records from mental health professionals, including psychiatrists who evaluated you and supported your case in receiving SSD.

    Are you being treated for your condition now by a professional? You don't mention any. And if you have SSD for at least two years, you should have Medicare benefits as well.

    Think the best thing you can do is to take care of yourself first, get treatment.....You know no one is going to get you out of bed and dress you and make your appointments with mental health providers.

    But you CAN do that.

    I had to, and it was one small step at a time. You're right. SSD may not pay much if you haven't worked long enough and so not much from your pay checks was put into FICA to build enough credit to receive more benefits. But you have some benefits including Medicare. You can take advantage of what you do have and get the help you need.

    You CAN do this. Start by getting yourself out of bed, shower and dress. Then maybe the next day, get out of the house and take a walk. And the next day try to do a little more.

    You sound like an intelligent person who needs our support to carry on.

    So write as often as you want. There is always someone in this world awake and reading the posts put in this venue. OK? ok. :)

  • I was seeing a mental health provider for years before I received SED but shortly after the ADD was approved she retired. I have met with four others since then but it just didn't feel right to me and I gave

    I really like your suggestion. Tomorrow I will try to get dressed and shower and slowly build myself up to leaving my house and getting help.

    Thank you

  • Good. keep intouch.

  • I am

  • I have been going through the same exact thing. I also lost my job due to my anxiety, it was a horrible feeling. But I found a silver lining and am now doing something that I love. Even now though, I still struggle and still have some minor problems with anxiety at the workplace. You have the power inside you to overcome this everyone does. Look at your lovely children and write about them first thing in the morning keep a notebook next to you so you don't have to get up to get it if it helps. Write your feelings down all the bad all the good. As far as ptsd goes if you feel yourself being triggered what I found to be a great exercise is to sit down and touch 5 different things and in your head describe them then look at 4 different things describe them then listen for 3 and try to smell 2 different scents and taste one. It reminds you that whatever happened is in the past and you are here, you are a survivor and you are strong. You've won every battle with your ptsd because your still standing.

  • I'msorry you lost your job too. I would love to find a job that I can be successful at. I never really thought writing as a outlet. But officially it works. I wrote a post and got the support I was looking for. I am going to try do what you suggest tomorrow morning. I think doing something positive like that will help set the mood for the rest of my day. I will try the exercise you suggest as well. Thank you so much for your kinds words and I wish you all the best.

  • Hello

    Try not to be do hard on yourself your doing the best that you can if you live in England you can ask to be referred to positive directions at your local job centre you will have one to one support with a support worker who will help you work towards your goals and they can meet you when it's best for you near to home if you like they can also go with you to any appointments and sign you up to confidence building classes. It's important to set realistic and achievable goals as you don't want to put too much pressure on yourself. There is also Shaw trust who work with the jobcentre they help people with mental disabilitys get back into work they work with you and employers to find you work and give you the support you need to stay in your job. You sound like a really good mother who has ambition and I am sure you will get there

    Best of luck :)))

  • I lost my ability to legally operate motor vehicles and become and remain employed due to the siezures my disorder was forcing on me about 8 years ago. It took 5 years and an attorney to allow me access to Social Security. They agreed that I was disabled due to siezures. This was proven when they took my driver's licence after one. But when it came time to balance out my loss of freedom due to illness the government refused me almost to death what I was entitled to, Social Security! I dont toss the word entitled around loosely. I have a legitimate entitlement to Social Security because I paid for it while earning wages for an employer and being struck with a chronic condition that prevents reliability.

  • I believe you already know what to do, but you are yet to decide if it is worth doing.

    You typed "I know I need to overcome my mental illness and find work to support myself and my children."

    Ask yourself why you keep refusing to do just that? Why do you instead choose day after day to wallow in self pity? Why do you continue to let depression control your life and the life of your family. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself if you want a better life for you and your children.

    when you finally make up your mind to get out the front door, even if you end up having to walk like a zombie to make it happen, get to your doctor and have him help you get on a treatment plan that will work for you.

    The key to achieving your goals is you. Are you going to let depression decide your destiny or are you going to fight it and get treatment to help you regain control over your life and your dignity

  • I am sorry you lost your job due to mental illness. You do not have to give details- but I think that some people are scared of mental illness- yet it's real as any other illness. I mean would they have canned you if you have cancer? Was it a behavioral or productivity thing? If you have a diagnosis- would you be able to talk to your former boss? I hope that you get help from medical and support groups so you do not have to face this alone. How has your family been? By the way, I am here. I too have been through some circumstances. Do you have a NAMI chapter in your area? Just the fact that you are already looking to the other side shows there is hope. And your mom is out there also. I am here as well. Losing a relationship and moving to boot can be awful. I was there some years back. It is difficult for people to understand. How were you before all this happened? You are a courageous and special person. I went to a seminar last year about mental illness in children. The professionals said that the old belief was that depression would last forever. The message was with the right supports there is light and it no longer is a dooming diagnosis. Going through all that and then having to hold it together in a strange area is just about impossible. However, there is hope, and you have taken the first step - identifying that you have a mental illness. There is no shame in that. NAMI is a support of CEOs without stigma- businesses that support those with mental struggles. Incidentally, the speakers that I saw last year said that mental illness was 100% caused by trauma.

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