As soon as I got to work a customer accused me of being rude. I hadn’t even spoke yet. The line was way backed up. Then I cut my finger. So I got off to a very busy bad start. This sent me into anxiety. I’ve been here 4 1/2 hours and this is the first time I sat. The problem is it’s been so busy I haven’t done any of my extra duties. I work register. Alone. I’ve been anxious all night and my legs, feet and back feel like they are going to explode. I have so much to do but just need a minute. This just isn’t good for me. I’m messed up and my body can’t handle this. I really love working. I love the people. My son and I share my car so I need these hours. There is nothing else close. If I quit I won’t do anything. I did this to get out of my house. The thought of quitting makes me want to cry yet I can’t physically handle it. Usually I’m so happy at work. I got to work off the wrong side of the bed I guess.
To top it off my son had shoulder surgery and he keeps passing out convulsing. He did last night so I got no sleep worried about him in ER and talking to his wife. I warned her he wouldn’t handle it well but this is more than even I thought. My husband passes out too every time they draw blood or he sees blood or gets needles. Craziest thing. All I can say is Thank God I don’t. I’d never be conscious!
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Him and his father (my step son but I raised him) have severe health anxiety. They faint if they see blood or have blood drawn, needles, injuries on themselves and sometimes others. I pulled my IV out once after surgery while under anesthesia. I was crazy on the anesthesia and kept pulling them out and my poor husband kept fainting. Well it started when they started his IV prior to surgery and he fainted. Then when he changed his bandage for the first time. Last night he said he felt a pain and thought he may have hurt it so he started getting anxious laying in bed and out he went. He’s going to a neurologist to be safe but he’s just like his father. My biological son is like me. Tough as nails. At least when I was younger. I worked in ICU and the rescue squad and have had over 30 surgeries. I never understood it but it happens. My husband doesn’t convulse like a seizure though. I’m scared he’s going to reinsure his collar bone as well. It didn’t heal after he broke it and they had to shave the bone, rebreak it and put a plate in. He also picks up my grandson from school now that it’s been a week. I’m glad he’s out on break now. That’s scary. I call it a health wimp. I am not sure why this happens to them. Luckily they’ve had very few medical problems. The anesthesiologist said he was vagaling but thats not what I thought of it. Idk. They both have high anxiety.
Well I went to one paint nite. It’s fun. They show you how to do it but not actually a class. More of a paint party. I went to Bingo. I love bingo. I also went to a Blarney Bash but not with people. I’m just doing random fun things with a couple groups I joined. I’m joining a NAMI group for mental health. I’m not committing to a regular basis. Just joined groups and will go to stuff as able that interests me. I have a ticket to a dinner and a play that sounds so fun. I may start going to a bible study too which I enjoy. I also joined a group for people who don’t drink alcohol to do fun stuff other than being someone’s designated driver. Too many fun things are centered around alcohol but it’s just not for me. So just winging it trying to get a friend and have fun. I may go to bingo Saturday alone if finances allow. The talking distracted me. Baby steps but trying new things.
Well, heck of thing to happen....it's Easter and all the nasty rabbits came out instead of the fluffy huggable kind! NOT FAIR!.
I live too far away or I would come and just boot a few of the nasty brown rabbits out the door for you.
Your son had shoulder and he is actually having convulsions? Well, he is in the ER, the safest place he can be, so give yourself a break from that worry.
Just get through the night. Just get through the night. Tomorrow will be better. Yes, it will,ok? OK!
Yes. I got some rest. It helped. I don’t do well physically and that messes me up mentally even when I feel my mental is stable. Which is rare in itself. Yet my mental makes my physical worse. I’m in a viscous cycle here!
I was born severely club foot. I’m used to foot pain but still broke records in sports after being told I would never walk. Or at least my mom was. They said by the time I was big enough to walk I would need a wheelchair. Then after my wreck they said I would never walk. It sucks but I’ll take the pain if it means I can walk.
Sorry you're having a bad night- also glad you came on here to vent about your thoughts re: relocating. Sometimes it helps just to vent. I hope you find the answers also to your son;s convulsions. Sounds like you are a determined grounded woman , and I hope you find time to do more of the things that give you a little pleasure even reading a book about a far away place and time.
I am in a book club now. Except I can’t seem to get into the book. It sounds very interesting. I always loved reading but I can’t seem to focus. The book club meeting will be hard if I can’t focus to read the book! 😂 Some books draw me in and I can’t put them down. It blocks out the world. I would choose this book it’s just not grabbing me. The worse my anxiety etc the worse I concentrate. I loved paint nite and bingo. Finances alright then I may go to bingo Saturday. I don’t have anyone to go with but i don’t like talking anyway. It takes my attention. That stressed me last time. Everyone talking to each other. I got distracted. I’m going to try to sit alone if I can. Unless I recognize the girl that invited me or told me about it that lives near me. I really want a friend. I’m just not sure I’m ready. I have to learn to control my mental actions first I think. Baby steps. At least it’s fun.
Sometime it’s mind over matter. I’ve been strong a very long time. I’m tired now. I don’t want to be strong. I don’t feel strong. I think I used up all my strong.
You haven't used up all your strong. You just need to rest and some time to put more in. You're in Virginia, the state of states, the state where freedom from England was won at the battle at Yorktown, it's in your water and soil and your heritage, you are in the state of George Washington, but even he had to rest at times while he was stitching the states together to be a nation. It's ok to take a day off and do nothing but rest. I respect you very much.
Did you know no Washington man before George lived past 50? George, in spite of all his strong being worn down at times, lived to 67 when the average man lived to 55....and it was after he rode his horse for hours around his property in the sleet and rain for two days? (Not wise, should have rested to add some strong.)
(AND he had hemorrhoids since he was in his 20s and had to put a pillow on his saddle......that was to make you smile, because it is true....6'4" huge man riding his beautiful horse on a pillow. lol)
😂😂😂😂 I guess I’d need a pillow in my saddle. I love Virginia. I want to move away to avoid conflict though. I want a new life. I don’t like this one. The problem is it comes with me. This life!
I’ve always dreamed of moving to Florida. Some place warm but not overbearing like the desert. The cold hurts me so bad. Maybe one day! Right now I need to be able to drive to my mom if she’s sick or her me when I’m sick. I’m all she’s got to take care of her. I know things and have medical experience. My sister is a druggie and my brother fighting to stay clean from heroin. I hate drugs and alcohol. I don’t even doing them and it’s hurting me so much. Anyway, maybe one day. I’ve never lived more than 2 hours from Fredericksburg where I was born. I do love it here.
That's good that it's fun at least. I understand about control, believe me, but after all you've through maybe you just need to have some R and R. Thanks for your post.
That’s almost all I do is R and R. I live in my recliner home alone 99% of the time. I have had too much heavy stuff, I’m bored and lonely. I want to learn to be carefree and have fun. I’m going stir crazy!
I don't blame you Tink. I hope you can at least do a day trip some time soon. I know you're son is recovering as well so you've got that in your life. My hat is tipped towards you absolutely. You're human.
I’m going to try to go to Bingo tomorrow. I don’t have anyone to go with me but I’m hoping no one will notice. I don’t do well when I get distracted anyway. I enjoy the game.
I hope that everything will be alright with your son!!!!🙏
I can relate that is what i tell you when i have to work the snack bar at work. Soon as i clock in i see a long line of people who are rude and impatient!!!!!
Last Friday at work, 2 different customers asked me "how long have you been working here?"
I effing hate it when they ask me that honestly. I gotten anxiety after both instances that night. It gave me so much anxiety plus there were moments within that shift i felt depressed. I felt like nothing i did was good enough even though i always try my best with each task or customer i handle. Everytime a customer ask me that i feel intimidated and they may not intentionally ask to be rude (but i think they do cause why else would they ask?) but they always come off as rude. Like why ask me that? So what you know? I'm only human and it's not like I'm a machine that knows all the answers to everything. **Ugh....so much anxiety😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰
it sounds like you are very conscientious , and yes people in general unfortunately can be rude. Sometimes people ask questions just to make conversation- I doubt they meant anything by it. Anyway, wherever one works - there is always something, but obviously they like you because you are still there! Are you working full time? Also, working at night has to be tough.
Yeah, no I'm part time unfortunately. Trust me the people said it in a rude way to question me and how i do my job usually when i work at the difficult positions at work. Yes there is always somethin'😡. Working at night is just tiring and my job doesn't tell the people we are closed when we close so i still handle customers after 12am and apparently i don't get overtime since I'm only part time😒✋
A lot of people do not get overtime in this political climate - it's true. It's easier when there is a union, and even then it depends on the situation and the people who are in the collective bargaining unit(CBA). In this area for instance, there was a piece on the news - some nurses went on strike at a hospital due to having too may patients.
Well, that's life- a lot more people were in unions years ago- now it's mostly certain public employees who are. Thanks to many jobs being shipped overseas ( years ago) times are different. Even people who have degrees in some instances are waiting tables. It's rough.
Well exactly how and why would they have to wait tables? The career they want isn't high demand? (Like how nurses and doctors are always needed into the workforce so they get hired quickly)???????
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Are we the night watchers?
Depression after bad breakup
Great night, anxious morning 
Nights are hard
