Losing hope.

[gab12]

I am new here. This would be my first post.

Lately, its been tough. Past two weeks or so I have just been in this daze where I just want to cry. I think its because grad school is taking a toll on me. I am trying so hard to study and pass my exams and classes but I get lost in the process. One class in particular stresses me out so much that my heart beat goes up just by thinking about it. I have been studying for my exam for a couple of days and tomorrow is the big day. I don't feel ready, I don't feel confident and I'm getting upset. Then I start to think about how I am not smart enough, not capable and not ready to become a professional in the field I am studying. It is a domino effect. My mind is just cloudy and as much as I try to think positively and tell my self that I WILL pass and WILL be okay, the negative thoughts just come back in. Any advice?

[Hidden]

How will you explain cloudy mind?

[gab12 in reply to Hidden]

I guess what I mean by cloudy mind is that I tend to overthink things; negative thoughts running through my mind. Hard to steer away and think positively.

[Hidden in reply to gab12]

You may have anxiety disorder,get urself checked by a psychiatrist

[gab12 in reply to Hidden]

If I ever do get anxiety, it is very situational, for example, before a big exam. I value school very much and set a bar for my self that I guess is sometimes too high to reach!

[gab12]

I have been told that before and I try my best to think positively. I am physically well, none of those factors are affecting me. I am very hard on myself I must admit

[Mac_M]

It's called the Imposter Complex, and I'm very familiar with its symptoms and outcomes. I'd like to share some of my challenges and what it took to keep what's left of my sanity. I'm the first in my family to go to college and grad school, and was a federal employee. Stressed out became my new normal. I had a heart attack at 50 because being a social justice warrior was diametrically opposed to my professional life. The idea of radical acceptance was my lightbulb moment. Of course my social justice work conflicted with work interests. Of course I would get upset. Of course the people I worked with did not share my values. I recommend googling radical acceptance for some pointers. Good luck on your journey.

[ilovetacoma]

I suffer from really bad anxiety. While I have never made it grad school, I can only tell you what works for me. Writing... Whether it be here or in a journal. Writing out ALL your thoughts. Write until you have let everything out.

I usually stop there, but someone like you who is an academic, could maybe break down your thoughts. Highlight all the positive things, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Strike out all the negative. If you're still anxious, write more.

You'll do great. Just keep thinking,"I'm going to rock this exam."

Good luck Gab!

[Hidden]

Face your fear, take the exam and if you pass you go celebrate, if you do not you take it over, take the class over, beg the professor for a passing grade, whatever the next step is because there will always be a next step in your life. As a man or woman thinks so are they. Think good thoughts, go pass the exam.

[Meyerscs]

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I can offer no specific advice but I can share a bit. I like the reply you received about “radical acceptance”. My dad is a retired math professor. In my case, my studies and schoolwork were always propelled by fear - fear of failure. . . fear of disappointing my parents. I masked it as a child, but as an adolescent I experienced very overt problems with anxiety. As an adult I settled on blue collar work - cooking, janitorial, and “elder helper”. I place great value on human relationships. Do I have sadness? Yes. Still, I have many blessings in my life and I try to be awake to the world and lead an ethical life. If you are clear on why you are pursuing your studies then I urge you to be kind, brave, and give it your best shot. Perhaps you will need some more support, medication and patience. That’s ok. It is wise of you to reach out here and share your struggle - as a beginning. My own story is not meant to discourage you from pursuing your goals and dreams - on the contrary. If I had developed into a different person - FAT CHANCE! then perhaps the course of my life would have gone differently. From my heart I wish you the very best - in all your endeavors.

[RaqXo]

I can understand completely. I graduated and found a job within a year and I did not like it so I quit. Now that I quit I feel so lost and helpless. I’ve always seen myself in a good position with a good career and now that I’m completely lost and unaware of what I want to do i feel like i failed myself. And i am extremely critical. A part of me is like “calm down, you’ll find something” and the other part feels helpless and overwhelmed