21, too sick to have fun

[CroutonBehavior]

Everyone my age is hyped up about the summer and all the stuff they'll do with their friends. But I don't have any friends. I can't even drive. I don't even want to do anything wild, I just want to be able to go to the mall and feel okay. Or see a movie and remember the plot instead of being worried about how loud I chew or if something bad is going to happen.

Instead, I've been hyping myself up to take a walk around our very safe neighborhood for 4 weeks and I still haven't gone. I'm still able to sit on my front porch and take my dog out to the backyard but I can't remember the last time I made it to the sidewalk on my own.

I've tried making friends online and it doesn't work. I'm too insecure for apps that require profiles and swiping (plus it scares me). All I do is go online all day, maybe clean, maybe try to go outside, sit by the window, and pace. I try to take care of myself. I've been eating better, taking some vitamins, trying to dance a little, getting good sleep, and all that. But still, I just wish I could talk to someone and just be around a person who I don't live with.

[blackcat64013]

Hi CroutonBehavior,

Thank you for your post and reaching out to the forum for some help and suport.

Can I encourage you to call 988 today. This is the relatively new number for mental health help in the USA.

With 988, you are encouraged to call if you feel you're in a crisis and need support even if you are unsure if your concern qualifies as a crisis.

Finally, the line is available 24/7, an acknowledgment that mental health concerns can occur at any time, and deserves the same urgency as physical health emergencies.

If you are in a severe accident, you would likely call 911 for help before calling someone you know, and 988 offers a similar resource for mental health.

When you call 988, trained crisis counselors are available to listen and refer individuals in need to local centers.

The hardest thing is making the call- go for it. Dial 988. 🐈‍⬛

[CroutonBehavior in reply to blackcat64013]

I have little to no respect for 988. I've had a lot of negative experiences on there and went through a phase of my life where I was calling them almost every day. They're severely understaffed and training doesn't equate to kindness. All their responses are scripted and I don't blame people for calling but it really doesn't help in most cases.

[icespicebutdepressed]

hi i feel the same way! it feels like the small number of friends i want to drink and party but i can’t do that anymore cause my mind is so occupied with negative thoughts i used to say yes to have fun and cause i know they wanted to go out and the more i said no to social interaction the more they would pick up on my strange behaviour i feel trapped as i am isolating myself i am worsening my condition pls let me know if you can relate to this so we can talk more

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Crouton, I am sorry that you are suffering. It sounds like you are making some good steps, and I think sitting outside with the dog sounds great. I feel like I largely lost my years of 21-25 with severe depression and anxiety. Are you going to therapy? It sounds like you are wishing for some good change while beating yourself up for not making the changes. That is often how we are, and how I am. I hope that you find largely edifying stuff online. I will add that I love the book "Feeling Great" and the Feeling Good Podcast. They are both from David Burns. As an aside, have you heard the song "Bummerland" by AJR? I like the music and the lyrics about missing out, I think he was talking about the pandemic, but I have missed out on a lot from depression and anxiety. When he talks about feeling like a hero by buying one beer after his bank account has hit zero 😁 Sometimes taking a shower makes me feel like a hero when I have been laying around depressed for a long time. I wish you peace and hope on your journey ☮️

[CroutonBehavior in reply to LoveforAll41]

I just fired my therapist a month ago because we weren't clicking after a year of trying. I haven't been looking for another one because medication is my first priority. Thank you for the suggestions.