Needing Advice

[itsfine]

I've been holding on to someone's darkest secret about something horrible they did so it has become mine too, yet no one knows that I found out about it. Having this knowledge has broken me in so many ways: I feel anxiety, anger, betrayal and disbelief in the person involved and what they did. So is it really okay to confront that person and tell them what is breaking you apart when there is the strong possibility of seriously emotionally harming multiple other people and wrecking their lives?

[Stilltrying_]

Hi, I have tried to understand your post and I think you are saying that someone you are close to has done something very bad but if you tell other people then this will affect the rest of your family and your telling will pull the family apart?

I just don't know what I would do. I would be afraid to tell because of what that person might do to me in retribution. If it is someone close the main thing you would need to think of is whether you would be at risk of violence yourself for exposing what they have done. In that case it may not be safe for you to tell anyone.

I'm still not sure i've understood correctly though?

[itsfine in reply to Stilltrying_]

Sorry I was so vague, I'm just really scared to open up but yes you definitely are on the right track of thought. I am not at risk of violence, just afraid of tearing my family apart. Thank you so much for your concern and input!

[Susan512]

If it's something the authority need and should know then I would let them know , I don't want anyone taking revenge to you , do you have someone you can trust and tell them what you know I'm so sorry that this issue is taking over your life. God bless you and protect you.

[itsfine in reply to Susan512]

I truly appreciate that but no I am not at risk of violence, I'm sorry if it sounded that serious.

[Optimistic_22]

The truth shall set you free. Honesty is always the best policy. If the people involved are searching for an answer then they must know. You must also protect yourself when revealing this information in the best way possible. I'm not sure what the situation entails . But my strong gut feeling tells me it may have something to do with rape. If you know what this person did was wrong . The benefit of revealing the info would outweigh the harm then you need to tell. Maybe these people would be put at ease. Then you need to let them know. But you need to let them know in the best way possible for whatever the situation maybe. That's the best response that I can give with the given information. If you like to talk further you could message me privately and I will try to be of more help. I'm sorry you have to deal with this seems very unfair but just know things happen for a reason. Just please make sure you protect yourself from people's retaliation. Evaluate the situation carefully with all things considered. Hope this gives you peace of mind.

[dmduarte]

I don’t think u should be going thru this for someone else secret. If the person harmed someone else, be cautious because u don’t need to be harmed. That person might hurt u trying to keep their secret. Do u have someone u trust with ur secrets. You should definitely get it off ur chest

[itsfine in reply to dmduarte]

I have one friend whom I have told but I definitely still need to talk to the source of my problem. Thank you so much for your advice!

[dmduarte in reply to itsfine]

Then u should definitely talk to them and try to resolve it. U need to make yourself healthy

[itsfine in reply to dmduarte]

Thank you. I hope to try soon

[lostgirl75]

I'm going to say get new friends no secret is worth hurting others over. Plus it may not be true. I had a friend who confided in me and she was my best friend for decades and what she did was morally wrong in so many ways that I had to stop talking to her and let her go from my life. I miss her a lot but knowing what she did I couldn't live with it.

[lostgirl75 in reply to lostgirl75]

I just the other posts and if someone did something to you illegal than yes tell

[itsfine in reply to lostgirl75]

I’m very sorry about your friend but I respect your actions

[sheila1kerry]

What an awful position you are in. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, especially if there is a possibility of others getting hurt. Only you know what the outcome looks like. Remember one thing though, if this deed is terrible, the person will not want others to know. Also be careful not to put yourself in harms way. People will do a lot of horrible things to keep their secrets. My advice would be to protect yourself first before you take any action. That may mean confiding in someone else so that you are not the only person holding this information. Good luck anyway, take care.❤️

[itsfine in reply to sheila1kerry]

Thank you <3

[Hidden]

Why is it necessary for the other people to find out just because you confront the one who did this horrible deed. If you need to confront them so you can let go of this feeling and move on with your life then maybe you should do so but affecting other unknowing people seems to be very very unfair. If it is illegal that maybe another story but if it is just immoral, I would let it go.

[itsfine in reply to Hidden]

If I could just confront one person I would but it’s a family issue (not illegal) so I’m scared that if I talk about it my siblings will find out and get upset which could cause everything to go downhill

[kltnala17]

Yes you can I have but realize the person you confront may be in denial or use denial against you.i am a retired rn. I famialiar with these techniques/ responses. But you may begin your healing process. Are you seeing a mental health pro? I am

[itsfine in reply to kltnala17]

No I haven’t been able to tell my parents that I need help and I honestly don’t know how to

[kltnala17]

Do you live with them? Are they going to have to pay for any/ all costs of treatment and change from it? Do you believe your difficulties stem from ACE- adverse childhood events? All things to consider. Think plan act. I do. All the time. Treatment/ recovery is life changing and for me never stops. Take care

[itsfine in reply to kltnala17]

I never knew ACE was an official stressor (I’m not sure if that’s the right wording, sorry) but now that you mentioned it, yes definitely from that I think. It’s emotional not physical harm however because I accidentally found out what a family member did. Thank you and I hope you continue on your path to recovery xx

[Hidden]

Hiya, I read your post, and it's jumping out at me, you really need to tell someone else, maybe a family member, or someone you trust, people who tell you things like that do it to taken the burden of there selves, by sharing it, you will be able to deal with it, as it's not your problem.. Let me know X

[itsfine in reply to Hidden]

The problem is that it involves a family member but after talking to a few people I’m starting to think that might make it easier to work things out. Thank you