I know that people mean well when they try to "help". But it just makes things worse. I've gone through periods of time where I can't bring myself to reach out, even online. It's so consistently demotivating when I hear the same advice I've been hearing for a decade as if it's new or groundbreaking. Instead of people aiming to understand, they tend to try and fix or preach at me. It just doesn't work and I don't know what much I can do about it.
I've been depressed for 12 years and lost my entire teenage years to it. If people were more mindful of that fact, then maybe they would ask questions or express support. Instead, they tell me to meditate, pray, drink water, seek professional help, get more exercise, take vitamins, and share a list of coping skills. They assume I'm not already doing that and act as if I've somehow gotten to the age of 21 and managed to be ignorant of what my options are.
Once I get around to explaining why their suggestion isn't working for me, I get told I'm being difficult and not accepting help when it's offered to me. What's even worse is, I'm not even really asking for advice in the first place. I'm just looking for people to say that they understand but they give me unsolicited advice and wonder why it upsets me. I try to control my irritation but people don't understand what it feels like, I've been talking to one person my entire life and it feels so deeply offensive when everyone is acting the same.
It's so hard to reach out when no one is actually concerned about me as an individual and far more concerned with spreading their newfound knowledge around. Even though it's knowledge I was forced to seek out when I was 11.
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CroutonBehavior
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Hi CroutonBehavior! I think people are so self absorbed they give us advice to make them feel better. I can’t tell for sure because I’m not them. I get you though! It’s frustrating! I’m here if you need someone to chat with or just get things off your chest.
I'm glad I came across your post. I'm guilty as charged as an advice giver. Through being on HU I have learnt abit though. Like you said people don't always want others input on what they should do about whatever situation they are experiencing. I actually joined HU because sharing my depression and anxiety with the people in my life was causing me more stress with them checking up on me concerned 1 minute and wondering why I hadn't gotten over it already the next minute.
It took me a long time to realise that unless you are in depression you can't understand depression and its really not thier fault.
I had a major awakening when my sister had psychosis. She is now diagnosed with psychotic depression and that shit is so real. If I hadn't been witness to it I wouldn't believe it.
Like I said I'm glad I read your post x perspective is everything
Hello Ellameye and Crouton behaviour that's so true no one knows how anyone feels unless there them and going through what they are, I've also learned from been on here how much suffering goes on I'm guilty of advice giving do this that, sometimes better at that than taking my own advice, it's easy to say to someone go swimming meditate go for a walk but some days you feel you can't even get out the bed, sometimes all we really want is someone to listen and give us a hug, so I'll send you a vertual one and say we care and understand somewhat on here and would like to be here for you even if it's just to listen 🤗💛🌟
Saying that though all the basic stuff meditation walking fresh air hobbies.sharing your feelings. Hearing encouraging words and even general chat. It actually does help if you can get yourself out there to do it. There's no cure at the end of the day but we have to try something x
Yes in winter I have sad seasonal associated disorder and exreme head pain from Trigiminal nuralgia I just want to hybernate stay in bed few years back I was circumstancial depressed ptsd hit the bottle once too often I just wanted to stay in bed probably would have most the time if wasn't for my cat and mother, during lockdown I got myself out walking in park taking photos posted on Hu another forum then it helped me and others, knowing I'd be sharing my lovely sights that helped me inspired me, when my drinking became too much of a habitual comfort it was literelly sink or swim i choose to swim I swam myself back to health mentally and physically actually then my name was happy swimmer, I left here I thiught it was too depressing 🙄looks like blue sky I wish you and anyone reading a sunny day always helps getting out in the sun well does me 😊💛🌟🌞🌞🌞
It's because sadness is an emotion that makes people uncomfortable so rather than feel it. People do the utmost to avoid it. That's why they are not great when they are around someone who is depressed. It bothers them so they feel the need to dole out advice like "think positive" or "smile often". As you said nobody is actively listening. Some people can't be helped. Some people can't be "saved". Those people aren't looking for either, that just want to be heard and understood. So they don't feel like that are all alone and screaming into a void.
We're here if you just want to vent or just express your feelings. Hope we can give you support and be an ear for you. 🫂❤️
I think perhaps you need to be clear on what you want from people around you. If you don't want advice then say that, just like you have stated here.
I think people are trying to help the best way they know how. Many are telling you what worked for them in hopes that something they say will help you,
Asking for what you need is a way to help yourself.
We are here to support you in the way that works best for you. Please be open with us and we can listen and support your specific need
ok. No advice. I get that. Let me tell you why. I’m 51 yo. 17 years ago I was diagnosed by Mayo Clinic with “the worst case of fibromyalgia they had ever seen.” Also chronic fatigue syndrome. Later in life (2017) I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (which is currently “out of control” according to my doctor). Also have interstitial cystitis, inflammation every where (I am currently having a hard time walking because the soles of my feet are inflamed and swollen along with 3 different rashes on my feet which nobody can figure out) and I tell you the list is much longer.
Aside from my own health problems, my dad is in a memory care facility bc he has Alzheimer’s. My dad has been my best friend my entire life. Now he’s in hospice and I can’t bear to see him.
One of my brothers just had a widow maker’s heart attack (meaning he should be dead) but thank God he was spared. Since then he’s had another heart attack.
My other brother recently had a lung collapse and was hospitalized for several days. He refuses to stop smoking.
Rewinding a bit, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia long before anyone had even heard of it. Believe me when I say that I was a pioneer in finding ANYTHING that could reduce the intense pain, muscle spasms, etc. So when I get unsolicited advice, I’m extremely annoyed. Ppl who have been recently diagnosed are trying to tell me how to handle it. Like I haven’t tried everything they suggest in the past 17 years.
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So depressed angry irritable 
Irritated and having panic attacks
Anxiety manifesting as irritability
Tell me what is wrong with me!
Needing advice or someone who understands me
