I used to have this friend that I’ve known since kindergarten. A few months ago I told her I didn’t want to be friends with anyone anymore. I basically confessed to her about my depression. After saying she would help me, I continued being friends until I realized that she was getting on with her life. She never stopped to help or talked to me once besides over messaging, or apologized unless it was over the phone. I started avoiding her and stuff.
Whenever I looked at her, I felt kinda guilty since she had a bad childhood too and might also have depression.
Recently, I also found and read my old diary from elementary school. I realized she stopped giving any effort towards our friendship since 3rd or 4th grade.
She had almost always been the one to hurt me: emotionally (telling me I’m annoying/clingy or telling me to go away as I ruin everything during a game of ball) and physically (pinching my arms until I screamed or hitting me when I angered her).
She had said that she’s changed (since last year), and maybe she is, but she’s hurt me so much that I just can’t bear to be around her. Being around her makes me feel bad about myself and brings up bad memories.
Yet at the same time, I feel guilty for avoiding her and hopes she will have better friends.
Do you have any advice?