I don't feel emotion

[Carry-On]

For a while now, I have never truly felt any emotion - particularly happiness and love. This is most apparent as it relates to my current boyfriend. He has been so incredibly supportive of my struggles with anxiety and depression, and has been a tremendous help in helping me overcome it to a certain extent, and for that I am forever grateful. However, I have lost that sense of feeling for him. I know I love him, but I have no emotion towards him. I lost any sense of sexual attraction, I've been having performance anxiety, and I don't understand why - when I have never dealt with this in the past. Has anyone had a similar experience?

[newhope]

I actually went through this same thing with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We had a major breakthrough after we had a fight. I can’t remember what it was about but it was needed. We needed to let out all that frustration and say exactly how we felt and express it in how we have been feeling it. It was a pretty brutal fight but damn we needed to get angry at each other. Once we saw this, we learned and understood. I was numb for a while because I kept thinking that I don’t have any true friends and I was constantly feeling horrible about how I look and I just wanted to be alone even though I missed missing him. We needed that fight. Now everything is back on track and I miss him everyday. This all happened when I purposefully tried to piss him off which is horrible but I needed him to get angry with me. I needed someone to tell me that what I was doing and how I was feeling is a waste of time and it’s hurting other people.

[newhope in reply to newhope]

Oh, and believe - it definitely helped with the sexual attraction thing. I don’t know if this helped /:

[Carry-On in reply to newhope]

We have fought more frequently that all of these emotions resurfaced recently. I think this happened after I stopped taking my medication because I felt fine and that I didn't need it - but boy do I need it. I truly underestimated the power of medication. But that is besides the point. I am trying to really understand the point you are trying to make here, I do have a sense of it - but I would like to understand more. If this is okay. So how have you found that generating anger in your boyfriend towards you or your actions helped in getting that emotion back for him in a sexual way, or just feeling the way it was when you first met (that butterfly feeling, if you will)?

[newhope in reply to Carry-On]

Before our fought it was a lot of routine “I love you” and not much conversation at all. Very repetitive over txt kinda thing. And when we were together, we would try but something was missing. Personally, I knew he was missing me. I knew it but I felt nothing. I just wanted to be alone. I felt horrible and I wanted to feel that way - and because I felt horrible, I wanted to make him feel horrible. (It’s terrible, I know) But seeing him get angry made me realize how passionate he was about our relationship and it opened my eyes quite a bit about what I’ve been doing. I had been hurting him and I could see it and that time, I could feel it too. Made me think of the first time he said he loved me which was literally within the first couple of days we met 😂 Been together for three years and that history... all those fights... him growing and changing into a man for me... suddenly getting angry... well, it was sexy. And it made me realize how much he cared. So I guess I just needed to see his passion for me and that’s what did it.

[Carry-On in reply to newhope]

Okay I am totally on the same page now And honestly, I completely see where you are coming from. For me, I have those moments where I see his passion after a fight that wasn't necessarily intentional as you mention - but a fight nonetheless. And it makes me so emotion to see a guy truly care about you wholeheartedly and want the best for you. I never in a million years would think I would find a guy like this. I think my lack of libido goes beyond just mental health, but more physical health. I have been trying for so long to figure out what has been going on with my body and the numerous trips to various doctors has resulted in the same results - that nothing is wrong. But, I have a feeling in my gut that something physical is going on with me and coupled with my psychological illness it has created this situation I find myself in. But it is refreshing to know that I am not the only one that has struggled with this, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel

[Carry-On]

Also, side note. I am also 21 and about to graduate from college. it is nice to find someone around the same age as myself

[newhope in reply to Carry-On]

I am so glad this helped. And yes, I haven’t found many people around my age here!! You’re gonna make it through. I got your back. 😊 If you ever need to talk boys, I’m here. I’m working through the boyfriend thing too 😋 Let me know if you are able to breakthrough with him!

[Carry-On in reply to newhope]

So glad to have had this connection with you! And I will definitely keep that in mind - and please feel free to reach out to me if you just need to vent or need advice, anything! Thank you again And I will keep you posted, might be a little while longer before I see any significant change - have a few doctors appointments coming up in the next two months. Hopefully this gives me some answers!

[newhope in reply to Carry-On]

Yes, and same to you!! Good luck with your appointments. Will be thinking of you! ❤️

[fauxartist]

we do fall in and out of love...could that be what's really going on for you....or do you feel no emotion for others as well. There's a difference...if you are shut down emotionally to everyone and everything, that would be something you want to get in touch with.

[Carry-On in reply to fauxartist]

I've noticed this semester (I am currently a college student), I have distanced myself from my friends. I tend to isolate myself from those closest to me, and I have lost friends in the process. I don't know why I do this - and it has significantly impacted my mental health because I feel that I am missing out, that those individuals don't care about me because they don't check in with me, etc. So maybe this is one of those things where I have lost that emotional connection with more people in my life than just my boyfriend?

[fauxartist]

you may be going through depression, and really, casual friends need to be constantly nurtured or they do tend to drift off elsewhere because they are just on the outside of very close friends, outside of the very few best friends in our life. Again you may be falling out of love with your boyfriend for what ever reasons. But I would say maybe talk to a therapist about how your feeling.

[Carry-On in reply to fauxartist]

I get that. I just really hope it is not the case in this situation. I have never felt better about myself than how I feel when I am with him. He has helped my confidence and anxiety issues tremendously. I constantly want to be with him, and I find he is the only person I need in life. It just this fact that I don't have this emotional/sexual connection that is really frustrating. To put things bluntly, we haven't had sex in over 4 months and I have been trying for months to understand why It is so painful for us when we do try - so I think that factor alone has proved to be the main reason for that emotional distance. It hasn't always been that way.