Sorry just doesn't cut it anymore

[User1964]

For the past 6 months or so my mental state has been out of control. Call it menopause, or call it depression and anxiety to boot. I've used up all my "I'm sorry's." I can tell that my husband is getting sick and tired of my sadness and nervousness. It's so frustrating. I can't stand how I feel. I'm trapped in some horrible negativity. It's worse now that he's not being supportive, and being agitated about my feelings. Anyone else experience this?

[Hidden]

My heart goes out to you. That is a rough situation.

[claire0410]

It may be time to seek professional help. It can make a world of difference for both you and your husband. I am so glad that I realized that I couldn't deal with this by myself and went for counseling, it was the smartest decision I ever made. I learned how to better communicate what I was feeling to my husband so he could better understand what I was going through. It made a world of difference for both of us. It can get better!

[User1964 in reply to claire0410]

I went through 5 weeks of Intensive Outpatient Program and I have a psychiatrist and therapist. I know I will get through this. I think the onset of menopause is also a contributing factor. Thank you for your support.

[User1964 in reply to claire0410]

Oh. I misunderstood. I should get my husband involved like couples therapy.

[claire0410 in reply to User1964]

Yes, if he will agree to go. My husband wasn't keen on the idea, but he finally agreed and it was a lifesaver for both of us. Both of us realized that much of our frustration with what was going on was because he was getting angry/frustrated with himself because he didn't know how to help me feel better. I was frustrated with myself (and him) because I couldn't figure out what exactly I wanted him to do. Often I felt that he said or did the wrong thing without realizing that he just didn't know what to do. Talking with someone outside of the situation allowed us to learn to treat each other better and respect each other's feelings. It was one less thing to agonize over and has made a huge difference overall.

[User1964 in reply to claire0410]

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that he agreed to go and you were able to work through some of the issues. Maybe I'll ask my therapist if I could have a session with my husband as well.

[horizonwatch]

I'm sorry that your husband is not understanding and I see how that can make you feel even more anxious. Your anxiety and sadness are not your fault -- you learned that most likely from dysfunctional childhood, perhaps an abusive parent or parents who just made you feel shamed or selfish or bad or inferior, or made you feel invisible and that your needs weren't important. But you can un-learn those thoughts. It's ok to feel the way you do -- and be kind to yourself, you've been traumatized and you're doing the best you can. You can learn to help this -- please start with the book "Feeling Good" by David Burns, I read it years ago and I still to this day use the techniques he taught. I keep re-reading it as well to keep reminding myself, because sometimes we snap back into old behaviors.

[User1964 in reply to horizonwatch]

Thank you so much. Yes, I had a dysfunctional childhood. Thank you for the book recommendation <3

[Lostjoy]

Hello, I’ve been feeling pretty much the same as you. I think menopause is a big factor in my situation as well. It’s been going on for a year now with me.

Even though I’m having a few better days here and there I’m still struggling.

I’m looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so tired of this.

[User1964 in reply to Lostjoy]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, it's very frustrating. Today I'm not going to work because I just don't feel like it. lol That's where my motivation is right now. blah

[gogogirl]

Sorry you have experienced this. Haven't had menopause in awhile, but I know it can make one cranky.

[User1964 in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks gogogirl