Just don't care anymore

[Raelyn71]

So I have not posted anything on here lately. But I don't know any other place to express how I'm feeling without being judged. I am really really struggling with just doing the bare minimum to live and care for my kid. I worry that how I feel is affecting him as well.

I just don't care about myself. I just got a promotion at work and I should be happy. But I don't care. My house is a mess I haven't cleaned in months. Dishes have piled up in sick and counter, laundry has not been folded and put away. I only shower once a week. Because it takes to much energy to shower daily. I just don't care. I don't even care if I died. Except for how my kids would take it and if they would survive. My daughter would because she's out on her own with a boyfriend and in college. But my son is still in high school and I am his sole care giver. I just force myself to go to work to pay bills so he has a roof over his head and food in his belly. I just don't care about myself.

[Yumz199725]

Sounds like you have alot on your mind please see someone about how down your feeling hun x maybe see if you can start on medication.

[Raelyn71 in reply to Yumz199725]

Funny thing is, I am on medication. As a matter of fact a lot of different medication and supplements.

[Yumz199725 in reply to Raelyn71]

Oh maybe this anxiety and depression is a side effect of one of them?? I really hope this improves for you! ❤️

[Raelyn71]

I'm so done with therapist. I have seen so many over the last few decades and they all say the same thing. I have been on medication for this for decades also. My last ditch effort is seeing this new Dr. Who prescribed all these supplements and other meds. It's been about 3 weeks that I have been on them. I feel like my life consists of taking pills every 4 hours and work to payrolls. No joy in anything. I don't even want to see or talk to my boyfriend of 4 years LDR. I'm just done.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Raelyn71]

I am so sorry. These times when you don't care about anything are so hard... We all have lived long enough for the most part to see them come and go. I would look for new things to try, and I think a new doctor is good and even perhaps this medication cocktail. I went to an inpatient facility and it helped a lot. I have since started ketamine therapy. I see a new therapist and love teh book "Feeling Great" by Dr David Burns. There is also electrical stimulation therapy, the psilocybin stuff Prisadeco mentions, and other stuff. Again, I am so sorry, these times are so depressing. There is hope though, keep on living.

We took a huge financial hit sending me to an inpatient place and are still paying the price (getting a home was set back a couple of years) but it is better than wishing I was dead. I wish you peace, hope and strength

[Marysblue]

Please let your providers know that you're not doing well on your medication, they may need to increase it. God bless, I can see how depressed you are.

[CLB1125]

Keep fighting for him. I don’t know if you have ever lost a parent but it’s gut wrenching. I was in my 50s when I lost my mom. That’s why I keep going for my kids. My kids are in their 40s but my daughter told me she knows I'm there when she needs me. So what if the dishes are piled up and the laundry isn’t folded. The world won’t stop. And I totally understand the showering once a week. I mostly sponge bathe because I don’t have the energy either and shower spray on my body feels like needles when my fibromyalgia flares. I’m here whenever you need to talk.

[Raelyn71 in reply to CLB1125]

I'm trying... I don't want to be like my mother but I get it... it's hard. She took her life 11 years ago after multiple attempts.

[kenster1]

scammer.

[CLB1125]

IM so sorry

[bonkers65]

I feel the same way. I'm in Survival Mode

[Raelyn71 in reply to bonkers65]

Exactly

[PeaceNeed]

You are a good person.