At my wits end!

[kmr1975]

I’m so beyond emotional right now, I don’t know if I want to cry, scream, or get so angry that I can’t control what I say and do.

I have a 14year old adopted daughter that feels she is in charge of the house. She has NO respect for me. She belittles me and tells her friends that I’m her step-mom or better yet she refers to me as her dad’s wife. I’ve pulled out her birth certificate and showed her where it says Mother says my name. She doesn’t care. And because she is “daddy’s princess” I cannot do a thing. She steals from me, even when I go in her room and show him all the things of mine she took, she says she has no clue how they got in her room and her dad believes her. He says since he has never seen her do it, so he thinks it hasn’t happened.

I have come to resent my own daughter now and I feel like a monster for feeling that way. She is beyond manipulative and everyone in the family sees it but her dad.

How do I live under these circumstances? How do I handle it? How can I stop being such a monster?

[hypercat54]

Hi how difficult for you. I think the thing to remember is that she is a teenager and they are notorious for behaving badly. However I think there should be some firm guidelines as to how she is expected to behave ie not stealing etc.

It sounds like her father is much too soft with her and isn't doing her any favours by letting her get away with this behaviour. I think you will have to have a serious talk with him but try and stay calm and state what behaviour you are going to tolerate from her and what you are not. You are one half of her parents and you have an equal say with her father after all. You have to be united in this coz kids are experts at exploiting parents differences. You have to be singing from the same hymn sheet.

Children, even teenagers, are still subject to their parents rules and must obey them. As for your daughter can you have a quiet calm talk with her? If you talk on the level of how her attitude is upsetting you rather than laying blame then maybe this would help. Good luck anyway. x

[kmr1975 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hypercat54. You have offered some reasonable suggestions that I will try when I calm down. Due to being in a deep depression and having back to back anxiety attacks, it’s hard for me to communicate properly so I have secluded myself in my room for several weeks with only leaving a few times. It seems any interaction I have with her is immediately hostile and I’m the one that gets blessed out.

[hypercat54 in reply to kmr1975]

I hope this works. I am sure you know the main thing is that you must stay calm and not rise to her insults. I do think her father must be made to understand what is happening first so you can provide a united front. At the end of the day though remember that no matter what she thinks, you are in charge and some things are non negotiable. If she doesn't like it tell her she can behave how she likes when she is responsible for herself but while she is under your roof what you say goes. Don't get into an argument with her or explain as this will give her the chance to come back at you. And most importantly follow through with any rules you make regardless.

I understand how difficult this is but she is only a 14 year old girl and an adult should be always be the one in control.

Mind you if I had tried this with my mother as a teenager she would have verbally ripped me apart and scared the hell out of me! You didn't mess with her! Not saying this is the best way but at least it worked for her. x

[kmr1975 in reply to hypercat54]

My mother did the same thing!

[hypercat54 in reply to kmr1975]

Yep Mine was only little and thin but she was a terror! Mind you I guess with 4 daughters she had to be sometimes.

I was always one to avoid confrontation but I remember on many an occasion her chasing my older sister round the sofa trying to catch and slap her! x