My father Sammy

In this poem

Sammy cannot speak

because I have drawn his mouth shut

My therapist says I have to learn to be more forgiving

I tell her my mother

has taught me to be the most forgiving person I have ever known and I'm not sure if i could ever forgive her for it.

She says i need to learn to let go

but she doesn't know me

she haven't lived me

she hasn't drawn breath

from a war inside

that if I do not

feel anger

feel fire

I would burn away the music

like a song

i would play

as a child

a ring

round

roses

pockets

full

of poison

with ashes

and ashes

and eventually we all fall down.

She did not meet

Sammy

did not trust

Sammy

She did not watch

Sammy

lift a lonely finger on a little girl

She did not watch him teach her breaking at 8 years old

She cannot speak for him

no one can

ever again.

I write

to make sure he stays quiet for the rest of his life

In this poem

the monster is never given a chance to explain himself

What can a monster tell you that you need to hear anyways

When the damage is done

When the axe

finds the tree

the tree does not know what the axe is feeling

the tree remember

What the axe

forgets.

In this poem

maybe the tree forgets...

maybe the tree

has never felt

metal in an empty stomach

maybe the tree is never compared to a kintsugi plate

is never told it is beautiful because it is broken

In this poem

no one asks me to learn to let go

....because they see why I cannot

In this poem

they see that I let the fire burn

on

and on

because it it's the only way to keep the cold from coming in

In this poem

it never happened

I never meet an axe

it doesn't pick into my stomach

it does not break me

And I am still whole

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

🌻🌻🌻❤

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

(((((((((Hug)))))))))) and good vibes((((( 💫

[Indifferentlycalm]

I wish you would post the one you sent in the pm, it was raw and brilliant

[GreyeyesXander in reply to Indifferentlycalm]

Was it the one she posted about being triggering

[Indifferentlycalm in reply to GreyeyesXander]

Yes

[Hidden in reply to Indifferentlycalm]

I can't post it, it's a bad idea

[Hidden]

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌻🌻🌻🌻❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕xxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

🌻❤❤❤❤ hey love

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Xxxx hey

Back at ya 💕

[Hidden]

Deep and amazingly touching 🌹

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

❤🌻🌻 thank you

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

💕

[melbrown]

very powerful & raw... thank you for sharing... proud of you💗🌻💗🌻💗

[Hidden in reply to melbrown]

❤🌻🌻🌻🌻 love you

[Jeff1943]

It makes the reader think and use their imagination which is the first rule of all poetry and creative writing.

[Hidden in reply to Jeff1943]

True, true poetry always have some kind of effects on the reader

[MrZee]

Touching and powerful poem, Callmedanielle.

If I was a tree and the axe came to me for forgiveness, before I could render any kind of decision, I would tell the axe, “It’s not up to me to forgive you. But it’s up to you to forgive yourself.”

❤️ MZ

[Hidden in reply to MrZee]

Forgiveness is so complicated and thank you MrZee I hope you had an amazing weekend

[MrZee in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Callmedanielle. Yes indeed, forgiveness is a very powerful gift.

I grew up with an abusive father. He was the axe and I was the tree. Over two decades ago a few years before he passed away. He wanted to see me. I was on edge if I was going to see him because of his negative nature. But I did persevere and saw him. In tears, he asked for my forgiveness for all the terrible things he had done to me. He said he has always loved and admired me. Without hesitation I unconditionally forgave him. I mean why should I continue to carry baggage from his abusive past. He was amazed I forgave him so quickly. For me it was very liberating. Sure the abusive tapes from the past still play. Yet along with my forgiveness all I can do is feel sorry for his misgivings.

[Hidden in reply to MrZee]

I don't know if I would have been able to do it, I know people usually say forgive him not for himself but for me... I'm just not there yet. Parents are suppose to be protectors not tormentors. Did he say anything else after you forgave him, or did you leave

[MrZee in reply to Hidden]

He kept telling me that he has always respected me and that I have such courage in life. He said how my courage would make him jealous. He felt horrible for all the torment he caused me.

As I was listening to him while he was being so vulnerable in tears in front of me, I was thinking, ‘well I could read him the riot and really give him a piece of my mind and tell him what a f—ker he was to me.’ But if I did say that ... I would have been reduced to his level and acted just like he did all those years ago. Why be like him? Why should I be bitter? To continue to carry the emotional baggage? No, I think not. Then I said to him, “I forgive you.” Then I just sat there holding his hand while he wept. I actually admired the chutzpah he had knowing I could have railed him. But I chose to be compassionate instead and let him cry it out.

It was so amazing how freeing that felt to me. Sure the tapes still play where he’s the axe and I’m the tree. But you see, by my forgiving him, his axe never did chop down my tree.

He passed in 2001. I still remember him as a monster when I was a kid. But by forgiving I feel sorry for him. Obviously he had mental health and esteem problems. Sad very sad.

Forgiveness is powerful, hun. It shows when we forgive that they were the dull unsharpened axe and we were always the flourishing happy tree.

If you choose to forgive, do it when you feel ready. Remember, the one who forgives is the one who wields the power of letting go of a painful past.

Hugs to you,

MZ ❤️

[mrmonk]

There are moments when reading a poem where feeling and form (and by form, I mean any element of poetry) coalesce and the impact is so visceral it leaves a kind of hidden mark on the reader -- something that stays with you long after you've read the poem -- sometimes, it's a whole line or verse; sometimes just sounds or images or metaphors. I probably have thousands upon thousands of such invisible imprints in my mind and I'm grateful for every one of them.

Today, I add "it doesn't pick into my stomach" to the tapestry and I'm grateful.

Thank you for sharing with us something so personal.

Thank you for this mark.

[Hidden in reply to mrmonk]

Always a pleasure to read your replies. Thank you for taking the time to read it

[pink83737]

Love it ❤️