Feelings.

[tomb_raider]

I’ve always known I was a little different. Ever since I was a little kid, I don’t seem to feel. My body reacts to things the way it’s supposed to when I see that things are supposed to make me sad/mad/glad/etc, but in my mind I don’t feel anything.

I react the way people think I’m going to react to things. My body does what it’s supposed to do to help me act it out. But in my head I don’t care or feel anything towards what’s happening to me.

The only exception is with death. My body can’t take a reaction to death because I have none. People die and they’re gone. No one notices my body not reacting to death the same way they do because they’re grieving.

I don’t understand. My body tells me I should find out what’s wrong with me so I can put a label on it, but my brain doesn’t care.

I don’t feel anything towards the people I know. The people around me. I don’t care about my sisters, my brothers, my mother or my father. I don’t even care about my boyfriend. He just provides me with safety and food and warmth.

My body is telling me this is bad, but I don’t care. If I can act properly around people and pretend that I care, why should I investigate this problem further? Why should I try to get treated if no one knows?

[mo9012]

Potentially getting better, allowing yourself to heal and feel, getting help; I think that’s a great idea. You’ll be able to fully experience life. What you are experiencing may not be something I’m familiar with, but I know what the wonders of psychological help can do, and I encourage you to work towards a fulfilling life. ❤️

[Justswimming]

I think you might want to talk to a therapist to find out if that's just the way you are or if it's based on something else. Its good to be able to feel connected to people.