Help: I think I’m about to have to do... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Svtempus
Svtempus

I think I’m about to have to do something I really don’t think I want to do . This guy has been coaxing me into doing things I don’t think I should. But im scared how he will react if I say no. What’s going to happen when he decides to take things too far? How can I escape?

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Svtempus
Svtempus in reply to Hidden

I want to stop him, i dont want to do this, but i feel trapped, forced

Hi you take your power back and you decide how far you want to go. Never let a man determine this. If he loved you he wouldn't be making you feel like this nor would he try to 'force' you into doing anything.

I am just wondering how old you are please? This could affect any advice we give you.

My advice is to ditch him and run as fast as you can and as far as possible! x

Svtempus
Svtempus in reply to hypercat54

I am 29. This isn’t my first time but this guy who showed up has turned out to be someone who scares me. Last night I was able to get away but I’m scared now, i have a feeling he wont stay far for long.

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Svtempus

Don't be available to him or be in. Don't take his calls and block him on social media. What is your circumstances? How comes he has access to you without your consent? Or is it with your consent? x

Svtempus
Svtempus in reply to hypercat54

Initially I consented to a friendship nothing more, but he has been making uncomfortable advances that I did not consent to, I will try to message him putting my limits clearly and if he refuses I’ll block him and ignore him completely

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Svtempus

Hi why bother? Just tell him your relationship is over and that's that. You haven't got to get his agreement to anything so just state what you want and how it will be. If he agrees to limits would you still want to see him anyway? I wouldn't to be honest. Just tell him it's over and leave it at that. He might lie again and say anything to keep you so don't even give him the chance. Stay safe. x

Hidden
Hidden

Please get away from this guy! If you have to, call the police. Don’t allow a man to make you feel obligated to do ANYTHING with him. You don’t deserve to feel pressured or pushed one way or the other. Please please be safe!!!!!

why are you putting yourself in harms way to begin with.....you don't have to do anything you don't want to do...nor should you put yourself in a position to have to make that kind of choice....never let anyone use you for their own needs or wants......set your boundaries up front and stick to it.... or move on to someone who will respect your boundaries.

Thanks everyone for their advice and support, I do want to make some things clear, I only offered friendship and he has been the one attempting to cross a line I’m not comfortable with, he turned out to be someone Very different the more I got to know him. Yesterday was an unexpected situation that really scared me but I managed to, in the end, get out before anything happened that put me in harm’s way.

socalpoppy
socalpoppy in reply to Svtempus

I am so glad to hear that you were able to get away and safe. Your description of him makes him sound very dangerous for you. I hope that you are hearing each of us. Stay away from him! Do not be alone with him! End the friendship.

Is this some type of submissive relationship?

Svtempus
Svtempus in reply to socalpoppy

I don’t, we started out as friends, his kid is sick (he is divorced btw) and I work with kids so iT was like a support type of thing but he’s turning out to be very different from what he originally said.

socalpoppy
socalpoppy in reply to Svtempus

Good. It doesn't sound like a relationship that will be too hard to get out of. Be safe. You sound wonderful. I love that you like to help people so much.

Flee! Flee from the situation! Go to some other friends house, tell them the situation and ask them for help. Go see your family and tell them and ask them for help too. Do not get yourself trapped! Surround yourself with family and friends.

I texted the guy and explained how I was feeling uncomfortable with his behavior and that if he did not quit his behavior it would be a dealbreaker. He became defensive, he said I was giving him ultimatums and that those were offensive. He told me I was not being civilized and that I will always have trouble be dealing with people if that is my attitude. However, he hasn’t messaged back nothing else so I hope this is the end.

socalpoppy
socalpoppy in reply to Svtempus

I hope this is the end, too. I'm proud of you for speaking up. That was brave. Remember that "the end of this" depends on you. If it is the end, then it is the end, no matter if he apologizes or tries to talk you back into the relationship. When you say, "It ends now." it is over. You have that power.

Did you use the word dealbreaker as a metaphor for your friendship or do you have some literal deal with him, like you will help his child if he does such and such?

Truth: What he is doing is offensive. He is not civilized if he is scaring you. Your attitude of protecting yourself is precisely the right attitude for dealing with people. You are dealing with us here very well. Don't believe that lie.

I pray you get away.. I hate hearing things like this..

I'm truly interested in how you are doing this week. Are you done interacting with this man? I hope he isn't still trying to pursue you. I went back to see your old posts and see that you have had a very rough couple of months at least. You are my friend now, svtempus. I'd like an update.

Svtempus
Svtempus in reply to socalpoppy

I am happy to say that after I spoke he did not contact me again. I’m still struggling with other issues but at least he is not of them.

socalpoppy
socalpoppy in reply to Svtempus

I'm so very glad! And I am very sad that you are struggling with so much. I hope you see something beautiful today. A beautiful tree, the sound of a bird, the scent of a flower.

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