Ahhhh!

[Hardlookcap]

I slept a lot today, I feel more weak than normal. I’m sure it’s from not eating and drinking much the past month. My best friend just sent me a message she’s coming over! Coming over! I’m not ready! Flung me right into panicking instantly. My house is a mess, my kids are arguing, I don’t think anyone aside from my mother has seen me with no mascara on! I tried to make excuses for her not to come. She’s insistent on visiting me since she hasn’t seen me in weeks! I know she’s just being a good friend but this has really ruffled my day! I’m typing this and practicing breathing!

[AnxietySterling]

I understand the feeling but try to look at the bright side... she cares and wants to see you. Apply your mascara and forget about the house... everyone has a messy house sometimes. And the distraction may help you feel a little better

It is hard now but once you start talking and being distracted it may help! Good luck!

[Hardlookcap in reply to AnxietySterling]

I know she cares. I hate to see people’s faces when they see me and notice I’m visibly sick. That one second of “omg, she IS sick!”. I feel guilty because I’m always upbeat, energetic, always laughing and joking. The world doesn’t see this me. I have no expression, no personality right now. I’m in survival only mode. Everyday is an uphill battle just to accomplish a few daily living tasks. It’s a lot right now. Thanks for the encouragement. I know i won’t die from a friend visiting but man does my body sure convince itself it’s possible!

[Hardlookcap in reply to AnxietySterling]

I was able to control my anxiety during the time when she said she was going to come up until she arrived. When she arrived my anxiety spiked and I got flushed and blotchy and my mind was cloudy. I caught myself utilizing my phone out of nervousness. I didn’t hit panic levels. I’m shaky but I was able to win the battle this time w minimizing my reactions. I would say I have about a 70/30 success rate at tackling this with my mind ... that 30% has gotten the best of me lately so for me it’s like playing the lotto... stroke of luck.

[gogogirl]

She's coming to see YOU , and you may enjoy her visit- perhaps just seeing someone who cares about you might help ground you.

[Hardlookcap in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks. Oops I replied Above by accident.

[gogogirl]

Okay

[Forestina]

You have my sympathy. Even speaking on the phone is an effort that I would rather not make. Just want to be left alone but then sometimes the thing that happens without you worrying and getting anxious is the best and easier to cope with.