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Anxiety and Depression Support
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Fear of abandonment

Hi all, I just wanted to talk about fear of abandonment and see if anyone else suffers from this as a part of their condition. When we are children and the world only extents to our parents, we can often feel a fear of abandonment as all our trust and safety lies with people rather than anything else. You know the "what if they don't pick me up from school?" or "what if I wake up and they are all gone". As we grow up, this fear normally goes away as we learn about how the world works and that you can spend time apart and then come together again. People come back from work, they don't just disappear and even if they did, you can cope on your own, you know how to survive and how the world works, so you will be OK. However, I have found that I still suffer from this fear of abandonment as a part of my anxiety. I am convinced that my other half will find someone else if he goes out on his own. That if he is late from work, I assume he doesn't want to come home to ME. I think something horrible is going to happen and he won't be here. I can almost physically feel every mile between us when he has to travel for work. I travel for work too, so it is the same, but slightly better as it is I who is the one going not him. I feel best when we are just home and in the sofa and watching TV...

Now, I know this is a part of my anxiety, so I try not to act on these emotions. He knows all about it and we try to manage it together. He has never done anything to give me reason to think in those ways. He is nothing but loving and supportive. But these feelings can be so strong and I do suffer massively when home alone. I can self-harm sometimes out of sheer panic and I spend hours just sitting and staring with all sorts going through my head. I am socially closed up so seeing someone else is not on the cards. I can barely have the TV on as it is just too much noise. Distraction doesn't work. Anyone recognise this? how do you cope?

2 Replies

Hi Dragontears. I did felt like you so many times. I still feel them too once in a while, but I try to cope with them. What can happen if this happens ? We would be all alone or start on a new path? You don’t have to think about that and try to live the day. We attract what we think at. Stop being negative and try to see the good things. You have a man who help you going through and wiling to accept as you are, so work on yourself and enjoy what you have. Most women here don’t have this happiness. You are strong. Start loving yourself and think that you are a great person who needs to be loved and accept what you have. Big hug and kisses


I have abandonment issues from an emotionally absentee and abusive mother, no father in my life, never knew him. And your fears sound familiar, but I did not read you were actually abandon by your parents, forgive me if I miss-read. I also take medication to dull those constant fears, they disrupt my life like it sounds like they do yours, have you thought of getting on meds to help with the anxiety.


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