Today I understood that I live...

[deea21]

Today I understood that I live for nothing. No one appreciates me, not even if I help them for free , I become a failure. I understood that If i kill myself it’s the best option to let everyone free and without more problems. I prepared everything: the place, how To do it, what it and a goodbye letter. I set up my favourite song to listen it for the last time , and I tried to leave the chair .... I’m so stupid and a big coward. Of course no one likes me , I’m sure now that even death hate me ... I tried for the last 8 months to recover, but I think I will remain a shadow in the dark. I’m sorry I’m not all the time here and can’t help others more, but now I’m losing my soul... It says universe doesn’t give nothing wrong ... I’m sure he did that 1% mistake with me . ....

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador]

Hey deea21 I am very sorry you’re feeling this way! However killing your self I promise is not the answer at all! Regardless of how you may feel people out there do appreciate you! Do you have anyone you can talk to family? Friends? Husband? If not there are people you can call at times of need or reach out to someone here. Plenty people care about how you’re feeling and would be more than willing to talk if you so chose! Don’t give up yet!

[deea21 in reply to Loveydovey0519]

Hey Loveydovey0519 . I think it is the only good way. I am antisocial and no one likes me so I don’t have friends; my family lives miles away in another country, my kid will end up broken as me if he will stand too much with me; my husband prefers others . I think he has someone else and want to divorce. I’m me myself and I. I don’t work , I am volunteering for the last 3 Years in a school but no one likes me besides children. So basically I’m alone everyday. I know I hate myself and if I do, how others can love me ?! Who do you think would care ?! No one. The only time I talk with people it’s here in few posts I got or when I go to shops .... amazing life,no?!

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador in reply to deea21]

Maybe not the beat life, however you need too stay here for your little one! Things will eventually get better I promise, they always do! I have been dealin with a anxiety and panic disorder set back that lasted almost a full year and then finally there is some light at the end of the tunnel! It will not last forever, you just have to keep going and going for your child. And you say people do not like you? Maybe that’s how you perceive it since you have social anxiety! If you ever want to talk to someone you’re more then welcome to message me. Just know this feeling truly will NOT last forever!

[deea21]

Thanks. Unfortunately I was never liked since I was very young. I do have depression and suicidal since I was 13. I keep fighting for the last 18 Years. I took pills, been in hospital, talked with some psychiatrists and psychologists but I’m worse . My kid need more than someone like me, and I know that from the bottom of my heart. I’m glad you could work through it .

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador in reply to deea21]

I guarantee you can work through it also. Just have to find the right people to help you through. Just don’t give up, keep trying and you will see the light!!

[Hidden]

Hiya, sorry to hear you are unhappy. Why do you think people do not like you? There are people here who will not judge you and will listen to you. You say you are not from the UK? Your English is very good but it not easy to communicate in another language, so well done. How often are you able to speak to your family abroad about your situation? Please be kinder to yourself and keep reaching out to others. We all need each other. We all have a place in this world and we are all connected.Take care,

[deea21 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sebastian58. I said here it’s the only place I can talk with people. Most people in real life don’t like me for other reasons,they don’t know about my mental illnesses. I’m Romanian and I’m trying to improve my English everyday. To communicate my feelings is hard in every language possible. I did told my parents about my problems and they freaked out, so I told them in the last few days that i am recovering. I don’t know it’s a good idea to talk with someone from the family who doesn’t live close to you, because I would make them worry too much. I lived 31 Years helping others mostly, I always been a volunteer in different places. When I’m a bit better, I try to encourage others. I wish I could do more, but sometimes I’m ashamed to reply to people. I’m trying to be kind to everyone , but you know; now in the society, this means that I’m stupid. I’m not just trying to please others to like me, but to be respectful and nice. I know we are all connected, but sometimes I feel really strange that I don’t belong from this world. Thank you for your time ....

[Hidden]

Hiya, thank you for your reply. As a parent myself of someone who has had many problems this year, I definitely would like to know about their issues, because although, yes, I do worry, at least I can ask my child how I can help and support them, even when they are far away. If you share your problems with other people, sometimes, together, you can work out a way to deal with them, which you might not have thought of. It is fantastic that you have worked as a volunteer. That must be very rewarding for you and I respect you very much for that. Take care,

[quieturban]

I feel the same way too. Wish I had a friends like you I can talk to. Everyone around me seems to think they are better than me. Always judging or criticize me. I am anti social too. It's hard for me to be social with people. Not sure why. I just feel at the lowest point in my life right now. Hope things get better for you though and myself. I'm here to listen anytime you wanna vent. Xox.

[VirgoMum13]

I’m so sorry you feel like this. I’ve been having meltdowns thinking this same exact way and you know what I told my Husband that if I die no one will be at my funeral! It makes me sad to think like this.

I hope you don’t go through with what you’ve been planning. Life’s good and precious. I know it’s easier said than done but Let’s find the good in it. I’m here for You ok. Don’t be sad 😢 it sucks feeling like this but now I know I’m not alone. Keep helping others even if you don’t get nothing in return. I help lots of people and it makes me feel better because I know I did a good thing. I’m here for anytime!

Just hit me up. ♥️

[Want2BHappy3]

Please reply if your ok? Problems are a temporary situation. Dying is Forever. You should call 911 for help or a hotline. We all at one time or another feel that way.

I had a brother who committed suiscide at 19 over 40 years ago. He is still missed. I refer to him in the presence so I don't forget him. I hope your ok and have gotten some help ? Take care

[deea21 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Hey PJRR . I don’t want to make others to do that and I’m working hard to stay alive but sometimes it’s so hard. When everyone behind you thinks you are childish or you are looking just for attention, and you see that in the end nobody cares for real and life’s so hard; you just want to put that big dot to end with everything. Why to call 911 because in the end I don’t want to seek help. I just want to stop it. Sometimes I feel that I’m in that point when I just don’t care about anything or anybody, I feel empty like a shadow. I’m crawling for my kid as much as I can. But I see I’m not even a good mother so why should I search help?! My life, my intention, my decision, my own personal buck sack to carry.... thanks for your care and compassion.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to deea21]

I'm glad your Ok, but how do know not seeking help won't work if you haven't tried? You know who the people are who think negative things about you. So you don't speak to them on how you feel.

Is writing on this site helpful? People on this site do care cause we know how HARD it is.

I have a friend I would SO BADLY like to speak to, but she can be HARSH lacks compassion in giving advice. We need understanding and compassion from others to get through this. They just don't want to be bother simple as that.

I'm going through bankruptcy right now, I'm feeling nervous about it NOT sure what to expect? I'm nervous to call her with questions because she makes me feel uncomfortable, like I'm bothering her from pass calls to her.

It will maybe make me feel better? With my anxiety I don't want to deal with negative people at this moment trying to get my nerves up to call

Well, consider getting help, it could help? You won't know till you try RIGHT?

[deea21 in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I’m really sorry what’s happening to you. I know it’s a big problem our days with banks. Nothing it’s safe this days. I did search for help so many times. I have problems since I was a teen, like 18 Years ago. I had my ups and downs, but now I’m at my lowest. Maybe because I grow up and I feel everything different. Maybe the society I live in. I don’t know. To much hate to handle, to much corruption and thefts, criminals and bade vibe in the end. It’s hard to see the good part of life. People who never suffered from anxiety don’t understand it and they can be harsh. My friend is the same. For me at least, writing here helps a lot. Or writing anywhere. It makes me collapse , like for some people is when they are crying. I feel like all my energy is getting out . And the people around here are so great.