So today I realized something that’s not that profound. Something that I’ve heard and been told before, but there was something different about coming to the conclusion myself. It clicked. While I experience so much anxiety and depression, I’m missing out on the basic moments of “now.” How can I value what I am today if I’m so worried about tomorrow? Lately, much of my anxiety has been triggered by thoughts of motherhood. I’m scared to the core that my mental illness, pain, trauma, etc would be projected in the worst way on my future family and end up ruining my future-kids lives. My fiancé is extremely supportive and reassuring. I even get so worked up that I insist that he might be better off without me. But while I worry so much about motherhood, what am I missing out on as an engaged woman living in the city with no kids, great job, great apartment, great family, great (few) friends, great God, etc.? Though, I also realize anxiety and depression aren’t controllable, I can decide to try. I can try to remind myself to be intentional. Actually live in the moment. I’ll take as many positive days or even moments I can get.