I know people can change. I’ve changed a lot over the years. In some ways better and some ways worse possibly. I just feel more impulsive at times and I don’t like that. I think to do extreme things though it doesn’t always last long. I can have it happen for good or bad things. Like having big aspirations for a certain high level career I would like but later on I don’t think it’s realistic if I’m not well or stable enough.
I sometimes get upset and want to delete my social media or make a new one. This just happened this evening. I didn’t make a new profile but I felt like it and it scared me because how often can I change stuff like that in a healthy way? How can I be so high and so low (though not for long). I can be fine for most of some days and then something triggers me to be high or low or angered/agitated. This evening was one of those days. The last few days I got a lot of housework done that I was glad about. Then yesterday I crashed and slept most of the day. Then this evening I fell asleep on the couch in the evening and went to switch to bedroom to sleep and asked my husband to put the leftover dinner in the fridge so it wouldn’t go bad and he asked me to do something else but I felt like a zombie so tired and that’s why I asked him to do this for me. It so triggered me and some argument happened cause it brought up other stuff and I had a total break down. I’ve been trying to keep myself occupied since but it’s been rough. I’m more calm now than then but I don’t like how easily I can change. It feels scary and unpredictable and I would understand if others didn’t like it or want to hang around me even though I don’t usually express my anger in front of others. That’s probably why it builds up and then my husband triggers it or I write online. Lol :/