Things are getting worse

[Honsanx]

since my last post, things have gotten worse. My ex is now seeing someone else. I have lost all my friends, I blame myself. I should never have isolated myself from my friends.

Last week I had some self harm thoughts, I tried my hardest not to act on it but the more I thought about it, I ended up doing it. I cut deeply into my thigh.

On Wednesday night I had the same thoughts but I didn't want to self harm this time because it was only going to be a temporary thing. I ended up going for a walk and tried to kill myself. I walked into a road where a car was driving by, they stopped and called for help. I ended up in the hospital until the early hours of the morning.

I have just cut again on my thigh and I can't stop having these thoughts.

[Agora1]

Honsanx, No one is worth giving up the most precious gift you have and that is "your life".. He made a decision. We cannot control what others do in our lives, we can only control in how we accept what they do. I think it goes beyond your up and down emotions or medication. For what ever reason, your ex had a different plan for his life. Now it's your turn to pick up the pieces of what's left and find out who you are and go forward.

BUT first, you need to get some serious professional help with your self harm. The next time you may not be lucky in that a motorist stopped and got you help. The help you received though was not long enough. I'm sure the ER must have recommended you seek therapy. This self harm issue must be addressed by a professional. Someone trained in suicidal tendencies. Those few hours you spent in the hospital were not enough. You need time for intense therapy and medication before you are allowed release for your safety and the safety of others.

You are going to be okay, as hard as that is to believe right now. Acting out on your grief is not going to bring him back. Now is the time to take care of yourself. Good Luck Keep us updated x

[Honsanx in reply to Agora1]

Went back to the hospital again yesterday and told them that I'm having the thoughts and eventually I will act on them.

I was happy to be seen by the same physiatrist I went to when I went for the first time. He was so helpful and said that whoever I saw on Wednesday, they should never haven't sent me home.

After updating him on what has been going on since our last visit, he admitted me into a mental hospital.

I arrived at 1am, extremely anxious as I had no idea what to expect. Filled in some papaer work and then went straight to bed.

I am waiting to be seen by a physiatrist today/Monday, they will work out a plan and see how long I'm going to need to be here for.

[Agora1 in reply to Honsanx]

Honsanx. You made a sound rational decision to get help. I'm glad you are safe. You will be given the care you are needed. Don't worry how long you may be there. This is about you getting better right now with medication and therapy.

Sending you strength, you will get through this and be better for it. xx

[Honsanx in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I was worrying about taking time off work. I just started this job 2 months ago but they called them today without saying too much why I'm here and they seemed to be understanding about it. So that's one less worry.