depressed/anxious/medical issues= I don't want to live anymore. My last attempt to connect with others.

[Anyhopeleft]

Long story short. I'm 38 no friends, weak,cold and tired all the time. 5' 10" 117lbs. I have a bone marrow condition, celiac disease, pacemaker, arfid, severe panic disorder, agoraphobia and depression. I am in pain everyday due to my autoimmune stuff and fibromyalgia. I get sick if I eat much and have a narrow range of foods I eat. I'm so sick of being tired, weak, lonely, afraid and depressed all the time. I have tried to meet people locally but no luck. I've tried anything I can think of and that my therapist has suggested too. I've really been fighting hard to get better physically. I was 110lbs and so I have improved there. But it's such a long hard struggle to make any progress with my health.

My pacemaker needs replaced and if I don't get it done then one day I will pass out and die or go to sleep and and not wake up. This sounds great to me. It seems like a comfortable way to die. I would never kill myself but this seems like a great opportunity to finally get some relief from life.

My cardiologist keeps calling me as it's in saver mode and i have 30 to 60 days approximately before the pacemaker completely dies.

This is my last attempt to find a support group. I have tried a few others online and no one showed up to the video meet ups.

Ideally I'd love to find a local in person support group or a friend but I've had no luck there. 2nd best would be some zoom type support group.l dealing with anxiety, depression and or medical problems and how to cope.

Anyone has advice on meeting new people as an adult I'm all ears or eyes I suppose as I'll be reading your response lol

Also do you on here have video group meet ups or is it all chat form based?

Thank you

[Marysblue]

Welcome to the group. This is a really good chat support group.I know how hard it is dealing with chronic illness. I was in really bad shape about 20 years ago for 10 years. And I know how isolating it is. People just don't understand. Fellow sufferers do.

Perhaps try NAMI in your state if U S. They have zoom meetings. Youve probably tried meet up for meeting people. I accidentally found a depression support group in my town at a church that does a lot of AA meetings. There should be support groups for people going through chronic illnesses. Maybe there are.

It takes a lot of courage to deal with what you're dealing with. You seem to be making some progress with your health. Dont give up hope. They're always new treatments coming out . Please go get your pacemaker.. I'm told that's a very simple procedure now.

I write daily five things I'm grateful for. Even if just little things and it seems to help. And I try to walk a mile every day. Helps my mood and my health. God bless.

[Anyhopeleft in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you for taking the time to respond I have never heard of NAMI so I will look into that. I live in ohio. U.S. I did try meet up that is where people kept not showing up unfortunately.

Gratitude Journaling is helpful. I used to do that a lot. Art therapy has helped the most but right now in my funk I just don't feel up to doing it. Just very lonely

[Marysblue in reply to Anyhopeleft]

I understand loneliness.I isolate way too much.. When you're depressed it takes real effort to get out around people. I can't motivate myself to do art by myself, my local library has a free craft class once a month. The library might have some book clubs or groups for you.Volunteering is a good way to meet kind people. A lot of community events, festivals, animal shelters and homeless shelters need volunteers. And with health problems you can do it as little as you like.

I understand about meetup, people just aren't socializing like they used to.

[012703060610]

I am right here living it with you too. I am 44 and lost it all. First a nasty divorce, then a move from CT to ID to have custody (long story), then health loss, then job loss and about to lose my parents. I too have several autoimmune conditions and I live in the chronic pain. I have been up since midnight and it is 11AM now. I circle the toilet like a hawk, I have to take such toxic meds, I can't predict a single moment in a single day. And now getting evaluated for POTS. I have never felt more alone in my life. I do have a husband now and three kiddos with my ex. I love them so much but I'm just not happy. I really truly adore them, but I have no self love left. I can't get to do any of the fun stuff they can do. Today I was backed up and had to take milk of mag, now I'm soaking my bum in epsom salt, I have to do 60 mins of nasal lavage a day, I have a super intensive dental routine. I can barely handle keeping myself alive. I have to keep up with over 20 doctors and different therapists. I find this site to be OK for general depression support or anxiety. I too am looking for a place where someone will understand me too-physical, mental, emotional. I had to leave all my friends and family behind to get my half of custody. Making friends is impossible. Sorry for the rant. There are many of us here with major medical problems.....I'm sure you'll get more responses. Thanks for the Marysblue, I need to research too!

[Anyhopeleft in reply to 012703060610]

I'm really sorry for all you've been through. I went thru a divorce as well and moved somewhere different several years ago and haven't made any new friends. It's hard as an adult to make friends. Add to that anxiety, medical issues and not being a drinker lol and where do you meet people? I wish you loads of comfort.

[Monkvsmonkeymind in reply to 012703060610]

There is a link between mind and body. When we feel shame, as I grew up feeling, it feels very physical. All sorts of thoughts and emotions take hold in the body and can build over years causing dis-ease. There’s also of course luck of the draw- one’s proclivity due to our genes etc that causes not having optimum health, but there is also epigenetics, that we do have some capacity to sway. Once things take hold it can be extremely hard to turn it around I know. I’ve found that trying to lower any kind of inflammation with outside things like food and vitamins, but also inside with my thoughts and feelings- body scans and relaxing, awareness. But mostly letting go of anger and shame and all those hard feelings. I try to do this by expanding my consciousness and trying to have a broad perspective. It’s crap when something crap happens to you, but compassion, perspective, looking at challenges as the gift of growth and strength-building, caring about others and wanting to make the world a happy existence for all people, doing what will truly make you feel calm and good, and deeply appreciating how funny people are and this life is, and how beautiful nature is, all can help. Life is so very difficult. I read once pain is a part of life, but suffering is a choice. Some days are better than others. I’ve been so suicidal and I have 3 amazing kids and a husband, but have this deep feeling that no one really loves me- that there is something intrinsically wrong with me- and I have autoimmune disease. My emotions are way too intense, but all of this feels better when I can expand my consciousness through meditation and do all the things outlined above. Good luck and care to you!

[Anyhopeleft]

I hate anxiety especially panic attacks. I've not left my town in 3 years. It's no way to live being constantly on edge/afraid. I'm sorry you experience that too

[012703060610 in reply to Anyhopeleft]

I get it! I have to fly back East for surgery in July to where everyone I used to know lives. I'm too anxious about the whole thing anyway to even reach out. I don't know why I mentally can't even reach out to the people I saw every day at work. Plus the thought of this flight is going to have me spun out for a month. I guess I don't want them to see me. I too am having problems keeping any weight on and I feel exhausted all of the time. Giggled below on the not drinking......I used to be able to have wine glass of wine. Now I can't have any! So true, harder to meet people when you are older. I will say I have tried, but I am a bit of an older Mom. I can't seem to relate and/or cope with any type of parental interaction.

[Anyhopeleft in reply to 012703060610]

I'm sorry you're stressed about your upcoming flight/ going back to your home town. I've never been on a plane and I would be terrified lol so you are doing great by doing it We seem to be our own worst critics and we all change as we age. If they were really friends then they'd love to see you and wouldn't care if you had grown a horn. lol

[Marysblue]

I wrote to health unlocked administrators to ask them to start a group for chronic illness. I've never done that I don't know if they'll answer. But if they do I'll let you guys know. I sound like my mother but have you tried church. And I'm not a churchgoer because I can't get out of the house before noon. There are Unitarian and non-denominational churches even Buddhist churches and some of them have small grps, maybe not in your town though. I'm also not a big fan of Facebook but I swear I find all the fun events in my town and neighborhood there.

Another idea.. recently I was at a neighborhood bar and I'm not a drinker I go for the music. But there was a new woman in town and a friend of hers was taking her around to everyone in the bar and introducing her and she gave me her card and we are friends now. I never thought to just go around and introduce myself to everyone.

[Anyhopeleft in reply to Marysblue]

Oh that's a cool idea 💡 about conic illness group. That's brave of that woman to do. I have trouble talking to new people let alone pulling that move. Creative though!

[Hidden]

Hi. Besides NAMI look into if there’s any support groups in your area run by DBSA, that stands for Depression and Bipolar Support Association. Also based on 12 step programs there are groups like Emotions Anonymous and Codependents Anonymous that can be helpful. And sometimes on meetup.com there’s anxiety and depression groups.

[bethelbee]

Try Livewell-Foundation.org They have great online Zoom peer support groups weekly. It helped me for several months. It was always very organized , great moderators. You can go to their site to find a list of their groups. It's all free.

[Anyhopeleft in reply to bethelbee]

Ok, thank you I've not heard of them so I will check them out

[Hellouandme1996]

Wow uve got alot going on !!!