Past keeps catching up

[Crazymama1962]

I’m new here and I’m struggling with being mentally abused by my father. Telling me that he never wanted me and that I would never amount to anything. After I moved out to become a nurse, he did not allow me to see my mom. Needless to say he terrorized my mom too. As I’m an only child, my mom and I were very close. So I didn’t see my mom until she was in a nursing home because of her Alzheimer’s. My father and I never spoke again until after my mom passed away. In the meantime I got married and had a daughter. She was born with Goldenhar syndrome. When my so-called father found out about her condition, he said: “ See? You cannot even produce a healthy child.”

Now I’m 55 and remarried to a wonderful man. Full blast menopause and more and more I’m struggling with myself. Making the people around me worried that I might do something stupid. Sometimes I feel the world would be better off,without me in it. I just can’t shake it off and move on. My father is already residing in Hell, but he is still making my life miserable.... I hope to find some support here..... and give some back...

[Agora1]

Crazymama1962, I think your father has more than taken enough of your life away from you. Chipping away at your self esteem over the years. He may be your father but doesn't deserve the respect of one. You have your own little family to cherish and love. Your father needs you more than you need him at this time of your life.

Give yourself the gift of life with your husband and child. No contact is warranted in order to give you some peace of mind. This is only my opinion, the choice is yours. I wish you well. Choose wisely xxx

[Windy101]

I'm with Agora. You do not owe an emotionally abusive dad anything. And menopause can be a challenging time.

I reccommend finding a therapist that you can trust and relate to so you can learn how to set healthy boundaries with your dad and manage this major life change. . You owe it to your family and most of all, to yourself!

As a child you had to put up with him, but now as an inteligent and lovely grown woman, you deserve so much more . Do not let him rob you of more happiness or good feelings about yourself, please!

I wish you all the best.

[Crazymama1962]

Thank you so much, I really need this kind of feedback! For the longest time I have been feeling worthless because that is what I have been told my life. He has passed away a few years ago. We never had a healthy relationship .