Desperate.

[doingmybest2017]

Sitting here on my couch sulking. I know when I have these nights I feel so depressed. I want to go out but I feel like it’s so hard for me to be normal around people. Anxiety or depression feeds bad thoughts and then I become inward. I shut down because I don’t want to embarrass myself with the sudden negativity that’s going on in my brain. I don’t talk. When i don’t talk the thoughts just get louder. I don’t want to say anything because Im afraid I’ll say something that will drag people down. I don’t want to be a burden. They are so happy, living their lives, having fun just living. I so desperately want to be like them. I’m crying as I write this. I just want to be normal.

I feel like a loser. No one really cares if I’m around. Why bother anymore?

I’ve spent so much of my time, money and energy just trying to fit in. Anytime I’ve been around people I’ve spent at least part of it trying to be accepted. I can’t accept myself. I don’t know why I do this to myself.

[bluebayou]

Hello from the couch as well! Just got home and I'm feeling pretty down too. You can't be that much of a loser because I'm literally doing the exact same thing as you (sitting alone crying wondering why I can't seem to just enjoy life and be a normal person)... unless I'm also a loser? Actually don't answer that question... pretty sure I already know the answer to it.

Well if you ever need to talk to someone who feels just as out of place, let me know. Also happy Halloween weekend! I hope you feel better soon.

[Windy101]

I also sometimes feel hopeless and sit on the couch feeling like a loser, I also turn down fun things to do. One thing i've learned about myself is that I'm an introvert. I have a personality where I like hanging out with one person or very small groups. I hate crowds - they drain all my energy. Sometimes I'm afraid of turning into a little old lady who lives alone with her cats and hardly ever goes out - ugh. I guess there are worse things that could happen! But that is not the life I want, so I understand that loser feeling.

[doingmybest2017 in reply to Windy101]

Totally feel you. I worry about that too at times, but I have come to accept (or am actively working on accepting) that I am an introvert as well. I am actually an extroverted introvert which is kind of strange because I love being around people but I’m very introverted. I think there are other people who are like that lol

[Sprinkle1]

Hi, are you getting any outside help, sound like you need to talk to your Dr. and probably be on an antidepressant. Also go and talk with a therapist, and the negative things you say about yourself are not true, that is just your brain lying to you. I would ask you to go and get help. I do I have my Dr. my psych. Dr. and am looking for a support group - they are great. So please be good to yourself and look after your mental health, if you do the rest will come together. Wishing you the best, sending Love & Peace. Sprinkle 1

[doingmybest2017 in reply to Sprinkle1]

I am way too hard on myself and always have been.