Those of you who are married.. was there ever a time you almost broke up?

[Heruga]

Preferably I would like to hear from those who have been married more than 10 years. Was there ever a time you almost broke up with your husband/wife or back then boyfriend/girlfriend? I myself have a girlfriend of 3 years and 7 months and just last week we were so close to breaking up. Nothing can describe the excruciating emotional pain we both went through from that even though we didn't break up. We are still a little awkward towards each other right now. So that means if we did break up I would be completely devastated and I don't think I can cope. I already suffer from anxiety and have a history of depression which doesn't help at all. BUT, I am not asking on how to cope. I just want to know whether this kind of situation is normal to happen once in a while for couples in long term relationships/marriage.

[HearYou]

Whew.....you are asking one of the most important and probably unanswerable questions because we live in a time where people are allowed to marry where love may be a major reason, and not for economics or arranged marriages between families.

So we sometimes think with our hearts and not our heads when one marries.

For the sake of my reply, I am not addressing some very serious issues such as crime, drug abuse, emotional or physical abuse, infidelity. That's an entirely different world that I will leave to experts.

Every couple is different. When the glow of that love settles and life must be faced together, it is not easy. Marriage or any commitment between people is hard work.

Once that is realized, divorce or parting ways may not appear so desirable. No one told you it would be work. It takes respect, effort, and energy to maintain a marriage or long-term relationship.

That argument may not seem as an impossible mission to resolve. Argue fairly, don't bring up past grievances, stick to the issue at hand, and compromise. You may not understand but you can learn to accept things your spouse does that annoys you.

Question: How do palm trees survive hurricane winds when other trees are broken?

Answer: They bend.

That's all I have to offer from my life.

My best to you and your lady.

[RiderontheStorm in reply to HearYou]

Long term relationships = what compromises can you live with? And live in the moment. The older you get the harder the decision to start over again. *The grass is not always greener on the other side. *A great book to read that I can recommend is "Too Good to leave, too bad to stay" How to define your relationship and if it is worth staying in.

[Heruga]

Thanks for the advice but can someone answer my question on whether you ever had a time where you almost broke up in the past but are now happy with each other.

[HearYou in reply to Heruga]

Hello again. I answered because there was an "almost" in my marriage and we are happy. Sorry if I misunderstood. I was trying to explain how the "almost" didn't happen and why we have a happy life, not perfect but better than just content. Best to you in your quest for your answer.

[Heruga in reply to HearYou]

Oh ok gotcha. Well that made me feel better. Thanks

[HearYou in reply to Heruga]

No worries. You asked a question that probably most people would like THE answer, and I play it day by day as I certainly don't know THE answer.

[HearYou]

Morning Heruga,

I searched and found the card a successful psychiatrist who specializes in couples counseling....before they break up and want to work to figure out how to stay together. Love is not always enough, change has to occur.

The following is what is printed on the back of his card:

RULES FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Don't bring up the past when arguing

Say "In My Opinion"

Don't assume How The Other Is Feeling -ASK.

Expecting Too Much Causes Anger and Such.

I have known him for years, but took me awhile this morning to find his card.

Wanted you the see his 'credo' that I typed above.

(His p.s. is: You love with your heart, but listen to your brain.

Sometimes it's just not the right person. )

My best to you in finding your way to successful love.

[Heruga in reply to HearYou]

Thank you for the information. My girlfriend usually brings up our past fights whenever we argue.. And she wants to expect a lot more from me but says she doesn't because she knows it won't happen, which is not true. But we are both currently working through this and trying to find a permanent solution for this.

[HearYou in reply to Heruga]

That's good to hear. And thank you for asking your question. Probably made many think.