Do you ever get days when you are fearful of everything.....even beyond the veil.

[secrets22]

I am going through a phase when i feel everything is against me , and i just can't shift these feelings of dread, normally i can keep busy in the garden which lifts my mood enormously, but the weather here past few days is dreadful, its bitterly cold and blowing a gale , and even my wee dogs won't go outside , the wind would almost blow them away.

I feel hopeless, panic, useless and dejected , and i feel life is pointless .

The days just roll into one and i see no discernable headway with all the tasks i have laid out in front of me, i just want the world to go away.

Depression is real, it gnaws away at my very soul. No words, no feelings, are able to dissuade my utter despair of how i am living , this vast house seems to have tentacles which claw at me so tightly they wont let me go and move on with my life.

You may think its crazy but i am convinced that the ancestor who purchased this building more than 120 years ago is still here meandering through room after room , and indeed i have experienced some strange happenings, from doors opening and closing to pictures and items being moved. I am rarely affected by strange phenomena but i accept that houses have a past but i wish they would just leave me alone.

PS/ I am far from crazy, I am astute, well versed and knowledgeable, but i do acknowledge there are things we have no control over.

[Turnipgirl]

Yes I have had times like that when every little thing frightens me which came on during the process of getting evicted last May which really knocked my confidence!

Over time things have got a lot better and yesterday I did my first 12 hour shift at work and it was rewarding but hard going and I'm doing 12 hours Thursday and Friday as well then it's Baby's 20th birthday party on Saturday when I am off again and off Sunday as well.

Thing is when you are stuck at home all the time with no one to talk to your mind plays tricks on you and everything feels worse than it needs to be!

My sister in law said on Sunday she has seen a positive change in me since I started my new job last week!

I found job hunting soul destroying and had plenty of times when I had broken down and cried as I was fed up with it all but thankfully persevered and got there in the end!

Lately I am a lot better with fears of things coming through the door and Friday morning before work and swimming the post arrivrx but nothing for us and I had said to my sister in law what was all the fuss over in regard to that?

I am a lot more confident about going on crowded buses nowadays after I addressed that one head on proving everything was fine and there was no reason to be frightened!

First I started on the easy buses at off peak times and worked my way up to the evening ones and peak times which I can do but still find the evening buses from the city centre intimidating but time and practice will help.

[secrets22 in reply to Turnipgirl]

I am delighted that you are now in such a good place and that your confidence has returned. It takes real effort to never give up.

[Turnipgirl in reply to secrets22]

I'm looking forward to my 3pm swim later on and as a treat I bought a lunch out and really enjoyed it!

To practice getting used to getting home at 9pm this evening after swimming what I will be doing is going for a cup of tea after swimming in the concourse and then getting the 6.15 bus home which will bring me back there for 7 15pm.

Many many years ago when I was 17 I took a weekend job in a nursing home and one of the trained nurses there was my ex boyfriends mother who had remembered me and had said to me you don't stop trying do you?

When I had been asked to leave that job my friends had been very kind to me saying how the fact I had gone and tried the job itself made me a success after I had been shouted at and called stupid and useless by my father after I had been asked to leave the job and how at 17 I was very young to have been doing nursing home work and how casual jobs aren't meant to be fixed and forever.

Point is circumstances in life aren't fixed and forever are they for anyone?

[tommy2toes]

A great observation. As I grow older, I think more and more that optimism and so-called “resilience” are finite resources. Put differently, you can only go back to the well so many times before it runs dry. Of course, things like the weather being crappy can negatively impact our mood states. But more than that, it is the sense of being a boxer who has taken too many head shots. Sooner or later, you begin to question the necessity of trying to lift yourself off the canvas time after time after time.

[secrets22 in reply to tommy2toes]

Thank you so much for such a well thought out reply.

[Mrspjsmom]

The weather affects me so much. Especially when I want to be planting flowers. It affects me physically too. But I can't control the weather and the worse I feel the worse things seem to get. As for your upsetting experiences with someone from the past I have found that saying out loud This is my home now. I will respect and take care of it. Your actions are upsetting and scaring me so please stop. I've done it at my home, my sister's home and when my daughter bought her house I went through every room with a sage candle and the windows open telling the spirits this was her home now and to please leave my baby alone. She hasn't had any issues and when I first walked into her house I was overcome by negative energy that upset me terribly. I needed to step outside. I know many people don't believe in things like this but it has helped me tremendously. My wish for you is good weather, peace and hope. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[secrets22 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Oh gosh, i am glad to know there are people like me in regards to spirit, it can be very disconcerting and i will do the sage ritual, Thank you so much.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to secrets22]

You're welcome. I also heard putting a small piece of clear quartz in every corner of your house helps.

[Turnipgirl]

I know this sounds sick but nowadays I look back and feel getting evicted was the best thing that could have happened to me as it forced me to make a fresh start somewhere else that was extremely long overdue!

Again it sounds sick but part of me did look forward to getting evictee and a new start somewhere else!

[secrets22 in reply to Turnipgirl]

It doesn't sound sick at all , it sounds very progressive, and that's how i want to be.

[BluesTraveler in reply to secrets22]

So many great answers here for you ! I agree with them all and want to add that I make planned responses for times of fear so I have some power over my own thoughts and actions when something scary happens. Sending you good thoughts and I know you'll find the things that work best for you

[Pitalife in reply to Turnipgirl]

I'm so glad for you getting another view on life,I'm sole caregiver for my mother and my brother took his life,so it's just me and I suffer w health issues n bipolar disorder which is in a very high mode,no sleep no food in 3 days,just endless worry,I despise myself w feeling this way,something i can't get ever get used too,my social anxiety is flying high n I hide out indoors,thoughts of homelessness burden my days,

[Turnipgirl in reply to Pitalife]

What I decided to do on my days off was do practice runs to get me used to doing evening work with the 12 hour days so we decided to hang around until 6pm last night and tonight and come home for 7.15pm just to prove everything is fine and there's no reason to get uptight over evening shifts that finish at 8pm!

My sister in law has done evening shifts for many years and her body is used to it and her advice is after the 12 hour shift when you come in have a couple of hours to wind down and have a bath and perhaps read a book or listen to music and not to go straight to bed when I get in which is sensible advice!

[secrets22]

I am trying Mandy but my sort of house does'nt sell easy xx

[Pitalife]

You surely not alone,I'm laying here in pain,worrying about seems everything and anything,feelings of fear n dread,I suffer w bipolar depression,social anxiety is awful n I avoid public much as I can,been trying to cope for way too long,I have just pure feelings of fear,and anxiety,I don't sleep,no food in 3 days,just dry heaves, n shakes,oh please.......

[secrets22 in reply to Pitalife]

Oh that's terrible for you, my heart goes out to you and the feelings of aloneness makes everything worse.

[Zhangliqun]

i feel life is pointless

Whenever you feel that, ask yourself if that is actually true -- and I mean, actually, metaphysically, ontologically true -- in the world outside your head.

Your answer will go a long way toward determining whether you reach a cure or at least effective treatment.

[Midori]

I don't fear the dead, they cannot harm you, even though Hollywood would have you think otherwise.

I have a bungalow where the owner died; When my son and I first moved in she was pretty active (We have no pets), but I have lit a candle and talked to her, saying that we Will respect her house as long as she realises that We live in it now and we would appreciate some peace and quiet.

Don't hear a thing any more.

Cheers, Midori

[secrets22 in reply to Midori]

WOW.....thats very interesting. Thank you.