my mother died two months ago after a long battle with cancer. instead of remembering the good times, recently all ive been remembering is her last few hours of life. cancer is an ugly disease, and even though she died at home infront of family, and it was somewhat peaceful, to me it was still frightening. her body was so cold, and all i can remember is the smell afterwards and other details i wont get into. i have nightmares every single night, and wake up in a sweat. i have bags under my eyes and i cant seem to get a good night's sleep. the other day i was doing pullups in the park, and i swear i saw her face smiling at me in a tree. i started sobbing hysterically and had to go home. i know these things take time, but i don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.