bad memories

my mother died two months ago after a long battle with cancer. instead of remembering the good times, recently all ive been remembering is her last few hours of life. cancer is an ugly disease, and even though she died at home infront of family, and it was somewhat peaceful, to me it was still frightening. her body was so cold, and all i can remember is the smell afterwards and other details i wont get into. i have nightmares every single night, and wake up in a sweat. i have bags under my eyes and i cant seem to get a good night's sleep. the other day i was doing pullups in the park, and i swear i saw her face smiling at me in a tree. i started sobbing hysterically and had to go home. i know these things take time, but i don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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  • Hey it takes time to come to terms with a loved ones loss so please be patient with yourself as 2 months is nothing. I am so sorry to hear of your loss though.

    My own mother died over 4 years now and I am haunted by being alone with her (apart from the care manager) when she passed. I will never forget that. I know it's a cliche but time really is a great healer and I no longer think about it every day now. You won't either but allow yourself to grieve as everyone needs to go through this process and it is different for everyone. Take care. x

  • I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum. It must have been such a difficult time for you and your family but how comforting for your mum to have her family around her. It is still so recent and the memories of the sad times will gradually fade and be replaced by the happy memories of your mum and the good times you had. Everybody feels differently but please don't expect too much from yourself and be kind to yourself.

    Have you considered bereavement counselling? If it isn't too painful to speak about your mum's passing and how you're feeling, it may provide some strategies on how to cope when it overwhelms you.

    I had no idea how much grief can affect us until I lost my own mum last year. She had lived a VERY long and happy life so I was very fortunate yet I struggled to cope.

    I hope you get the support and love you need and deserve to get through this time and I'm sure you'll find this site supportive. Take care of you.

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