So this weekend i have not been invited by friends.
there has been a big festival in my hometown and one of my friends has not invited me at all to any of the nights of this free festival and she has been to every night!
one of my relatives has died recently, i am getting used to a new neurology medication the past 6 weeks and this friend knows all this.
Just as a comparison- last year- this same friend got dumped by her boyfriend and i made an effort to attend the festival last year- so she had someone to go with and she was not on her own.
we went with one of my friends- and we said we would go again the following year. the following year arrives and i don’t even get asked and i just see a load of photos on facebook saying what a good time she is havinh with other friends.
it would have meant so much to have been asked!!
last year i drove! she got so drunk as she is fed up about being infertile and her 60 yr old boyf not wanting children with her- she got really drunk. i had to keep calling around for her to make sure she got home safely.
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friendly34
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hi have you got any other friends to go with get talking to your friend and say we went last year and I thought we was going to do the same this year see what her reply is are these new friends of hers do you know them
i haven’t challenged her on it yet as i am so angry i will it explode at her.
unfortunately i haven’t got any other friends that will go- i have got friends but not friends that are outgoing enough to go.
it is a really depressing situation to be in- as it makes me feel so low and lonely as dancing and living in the moment help me manage my health problems- so when friends don’t want to go out- i find it hard.
i don’t even drink alcohol due to my health issues- as they make my heart condition worse- i go out to listen to music and dance.
is there any local dance clubs there maybe other people in exactly the same position as you are maybe have a local face book page for people to meet up to go to a event it’s a good way to make new friends good luck 👍
I had a similar situation recently, going to shows with someone on a regular basis, then I started struggling and next thing I know Im not invited. It's disappointing I know when you believe it's a given you'll be included. I try to be understanding because I'm not sure what happened or if it's just me or bad timing. All I can do is give things time and see. Sometimes people go through their own stuff and don't know how to support someone else at the moment. I hope things work out for you
At a previous job a colleague had held a grudge for many years against another one all because she didn't invite her out to something and they had been great friends before that came along!
What had happened there was it was a genuine mistake rather than done out of deliberate malice as she had genuinely forgotten to ask the other colleague if she would like to come out.
Not getting invited out had brought up an explosion of insecurity in this colleague as she had been through it loads of times and this had brought back feelings of unworthiness of being invited out hence the grudge she held for years over not having been invited out!
It's amazing how seemingly small things like that can bring up years of built up anger and resentment and open up old wounds from years ago!
I know that hurts, I've had that happen to me numerous times. It's more about them than you. It shows you what kind of friend they are. Could you let her know you saw her online and that you really would like to go . Once you calm down, you might say I'm disappointed I didn't get to go with you. In my experience you won't get a satisfying response.
does it affect your self esteem and do you still have other people to go out with? as with me, i’m embarrassed that i don’t have many friends - so when friends let me down- its a case of either i go out on my own or stay in- i’m physically disabled so this makes things more complicated
There's no shame in not having many friends as most people don't have a string of friends to go out with so it's not just you.
Yes it can hurt but I don't let it affect me and I acknowledge it like an old friend and let the matter drop for my own sanity!
What I do do is I make it my business to make sure that others feel welcomed and included by asking them to do things and if not the main thing is I tried!
I am sorry to hear your friend is ignoring you this way. I can certainly empathize with you feeling rejected/left out because it has happened to me a lot. I would say to go out and try to make new friends, which might be good advice, but that doesn't make it any easier. Sending prayers for your strength and belief in your worthiness.
This is post is going to relate to nearly all of us I suspect! I too am physically disabled and really can't go out much or shouldn't go out alone often. I suffer terrible syncope and vertigo episodes which has limited my driving as well. Last summer, a long time colleague was retiring. There was a whole giant party and I was in town. Even though I was sick, I wanted to give him a hug and thank him for all our work. He really helped me in my career and taught me a lot. Two of our our mutual friends basically lied to me about the party being cancelled. It turns out, since the most senior guy there was mad at me, they wouldn't go if I was there. So guess who got the invite? It has taken me a year to reach back out to those two mutual friends. Sometimes I think people think we are dumb or stupid and don't notice. Most people don't even realize we tend to notice things even more than others at times due to our sensitive nature. It is truly painful and being disabled makes it so much harder to get out. I am sorry you lost your night out.....because I know how much you probably looked forward to it and how much it would boost your mental state. Instead you are experiencing the opposite. I just don't think some of our so called friends want to understand all that is going on with us. When you find that single gem....I have one wonderful friend far away...who will go to bat for me no matter what it is. We don't need to talk often, we just are who we are with each other. Sending a giant virtual hug!
It's upsetting isn't it when you really look forward to something and then at the last second the door gets slammed shut in your face when it's not happening!
Many years ago when I was 19 I had arranged to go swimming with a group and at the last second got told that it was cancelled as one of them had a cold with no attempt to rearrange or anything which would have softened the blow a bit and I became ever so upset like you would at 19 as you haven't had many years of experience like you get when you are 40 something!
something now and i’d expect when i help friends through break ups and loneliness and when i have been there for the same friend- that they would be there for me.
i think it just shows how much more selfish that friend is than me & shows my kindness.
I think that you are indeed 'Friendly' and what you have met is a 'Sponge'- it Absorbs A Great Deal BUT Gives very Little Out!
Yes 'They' can be Very Friendly, whilst You Are Giving- you DId say that You Drove.... Yes She can be very Attractive (with 'Desirable' Assets.... I'll leave 'this' idea here.)
However if you Phone Up 'they' will be Busy.... The Cat's not well, Have to take Susan to the Hospital, The Plumber's coming in, Fiona has just 'landed', The Gearbox needs replacing..... need I go on?
Call a 'Real' friend and Go To This Party, just 'say' that you are Mutual Friends- with (insert the name(s))- and their Expecting you...... Then Casually 'Introduce' the New Friend, to the Group.
If the Evening Is a 'Roaring Success' then maybe this was a Genuine Mistake,,,,, you will soon know. (If, as is Far More Likely, 'They' are always Running To The Toilet, Bar, The Car- Something Important is in the boot, you Understand.......)
Sorry, my friend, but YOU have been 'On A Piece Of String' and the Girl has- almost certainly- Done This Before.
Let GO, don't even Answer The Phone.... NO SUCKER are you! Write it Off to 'Experience'.....Yes I Know that 'It Hurts', She Was a 'Nice Girl'..... which is why/ how she 'Ensnared' you,
If you want to discuss this further please do P(rivate) M(essage) me.
I can relate to this and even got left out by my sister just yesterday on a holiday. I'm sorry this happened to you. Your friend doesn't sound like a great friend. It's easy to say, "kick her to the curb", but if you don't have many friends or it's someone close that's easier said than done. I have kicked those bad friends to the curb and in one way it was a weight lifted, but in another it made me sad and lonely. So do what's best for you.
I would suggest sharing your frustration with your friend if you want things to change. While it makes sense you assumed you would be invited, did you reach out this year to ask about the event? I know it may seem obvious to you that she should think about you, but in my experience I've realized not everyone's a mind reader or thinks the same way as you. Or there may have been a reason she didn't reach out, which it may hurt to know but it's better to find out.
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