Introduction: Laurie 0

Introduction: Laurie 0

Hi, I'm Laurie. I am dealing with diagnosed Clinical Depression and Anxiety which are not responding to treatment with multiple different medications. It's good to be here, but it's also hard for me to read (and respond to) some of the sadness and loneliness I see in messages from others because I am in the very same situation. I guess I am not at the point yet where I am helpful to anyone other than coming out to look around and know I am not alone. My support system is very sparse: just my husband really. I've pretty much pushed away everyone else in my life (friends and family alike) by being honest (what a wet blanket I am), or just by detaching because I can't deal with their fake or the BS or questions anymore. And all that is left is just my husband to trust. It's pretty lonely and scary, but I can't pretend anymore for everyone that I am ok when I'm not. Others out here, know you aren't alone, too. If you don't get a response from me, you'll know why... not here all the time and it's difficult for me to engage right now. But this is a very worthwhile community for those who are dealing with MH issues. Thanks for listening and maybe I'll have something else to contribute later. I'm just very glad I stumbled upon this group because I was feeling very alone. Thanks.

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  • Oh my gosh, if that is your photograph you are so beautiful! I know it’s hard to be so beautiful on the outside and feel so horrible on the inside. I remember feeling like I would rather be paralyzed than having to drudge through my days when I felt miserable. At the time I was a home health aide taking care of a woman that suffered a stroke after giving birth to her 3rd child and all she could move were her eyelids. I wanted to trade places with her. I’m happy to report I’m much better now. I too have a very understanding husband. I also have 2 children. They are aware of my condition. (I have bi-polar) I don’t think they understand it.... I don’t think anyone truly can unless they have it. You’re right though, people don’t generally want to hear the truth. They just want platitudes. It’s a shame really.

  • Wow... thanks for such a nice compliment and such kind remarks. I too this as a closeup shot on one of my better days, but I felt like I could still see the sadness in my eyes. The filters hide the wrinkles 😉.

    Working with someone like you did would not only be sad but in a way maybe put things in perspective and make one think about the things we should be grateful for... our mobility, being able to pick up, kiss, hold and tell our children we love them, and all the things we really take for granted that this woman you worked for could no longer do. Thanks for sharing that.

    You know, my last doctor thought towards the end of my seeing her that I might be bipolar. But with the meds she put me on (one of the mood stabilizers, Topamax, I still take), I don't see any big difference. My new Dr is going to be putting me on something different...Trintellix (just started weaning off Pristiq, which didn't do anything, and finished weaning off Wellbutrin, which I was on for years). Well see how that goes... fingers crossed. I've tried so many different things without really any "lift." May I ask what you are taking?

  • Sure, it took many years to find the best cocktail of meds that worked for me. It ended up being Topomax, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Trazadone at night. I still have my ups and downs, but they’re manageable for the most part, and God is Good! He carries me when I cannot walk.

  • I am feeling this way too...:) I have been feeling detached from nearly everyone apart from my son, he has Aspergers and finds it difficult to see me like this but I also was diagnosed only last year with the same condition which makes my depression and anxiety even worse...If u need to chat I'm here....take one step at a time....:)

  • Thank you for your kind reply and offer. I may take you up on that. My sister's teenage son was diagnosed with Aspergers. He is the sweetest boy in the world... always calling grandma (my mom) to chat and see how she is. Our son we also suspect is on the spectrum, although we've not had him formally diagnosed via a specialist yet. But the school and his pediatrician, from chatting with them and observation, they suspect he's high functioning, but still shows characteristics of being on the spectrum. These things have come into play socially and with learning for him. So that's another worry and challenge. We grapple with do we get the diagnosis and label him, or do we just work with him as hard as we can and not give him that label. We're still not sure what's the right thing to do. We let him know he learns differently from his brother and other kids and for some things he may need to try harder, but some things will be easier for him.

    I digress. We have a common worry for one of our children... and share with mental health struggles ourselves.

    One day at a time is a good motto. Truthfully, I no longer have the ability to think beyond that without getting overwhelmed these days and shutting down. The mail overwhelms me so my husband does it, all the bills, all the grocery shopping. I dont even answer the phone unless it's calling. That's a sad commentary about how far away I have strayed from living a normal life. Some day I'll move back toward the way I used to be... outgoing, smart, fun, able to handle a job, a household, and kids. Someday. Today.I won't judge myself. 😐

  • Hey, Hope youre a bit better today :) Its really tough when u yourself have problems to deal with and then also worrying about your son...I totally understand..I would say to u that having your son diagnosed would be better for him...I'm in Scotland and there was after support for my son when he was diagnosed...the hardest part is there is no support for an adult, ive been struggling badly since my own diagnosis....hopefully your son would be given the right support which may help u too :) My son suffered bouts of depression and anxiety and it was helpful the Dr had seen his diagnosis as we sometimes react badly to normal doses of meds that someone not on the spectrum can take without any problem...this happened in my case pre- diagnosis and I ended up in hospital..I think we are both overwhelmed by our circumstances, who wouldn't? :) I have hardly any energy left to tidy up the house and like u I avoid phone calls and when my door is knocked I jump as I'm so hypervigilant....it is sad, I feel for u, as I used to laugh at lots of things, I'm too drained now, I used to paint and I haven't looked at a canvas for a long time now never mind paint, but I liked the way you said Someday I will move back towards the way I used to be....and u will.. because theres hope in your message....:) Chat anytime...x

  • Have you ever contacted an organization called POAC (Parents of Autistic Children) ? I believe you can reach them by: www. POAC.net

    Fabulous organization!

  • I can relate! I do the push and pull thing where I need people and I'm so desperate for support and connection, but then I hate everyone and people suck. I constantly struggle with this. Not sure if it's the same thing you're going through but I understand how MH issues get in the way of social functioning, BELIEVE ME! For me, the most important thing is understanding. I need people in my life who are real (as you mentioned falseness and BS can be pretty much intolerable), so someone who's authentic and real is key. I find the main support for me is my mom. I have friends but I've learned to keep boundaries w them bc I know when I have no boundaries, I get hurt.

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