Newly divorced and lost

[cmae118]

So I am not quite divorced but moved out a month ago. I dreamt of having my own place again and it finally happened. I have a beautiful apartment and everything I need. Part of my divorce was due to my mental illnesses, GAD, PTSD, depression, OCD, and bipolar. I’m on several medications and have been in and out of treatments and therapies... the loneliness is setting in and my heart is heavy and I don’t know how I am going to make it a lone. Even on our worst days he was there. On our worst days there was still a warm body in the house or on the couch with me. I try to keep busy, but there is only so much I can do around the apartment. My illnesses keep me from going out in the world. It’s hard to even go get groceries, pay a bill, go to the mail box, take a shower. I don’t know how to cope with any of this. I try long baths, breathing exercises, eating healthier.. but I end up in fetal position crying on the couch and ignoring texts and calls from friends and family. I really need help. Any help I’ve gotten so far has not helped. I’m completely lost and empty.

[Lostjoy]

I am not divorced, but am mostly alone. My husband is gone all of the time for work. He is a truck driver. I used to drive with him, but since I have been feeling bad I haven't been able to go. We live far away from all friends and family so I am totally alone. Today I haven't gotten out of bed except to go to the restroom, and get something to eat and drink. I feel so very lonely. I really need to get better so o can have my life back.

So anyway I know I got off subject, but I can relate to how you are feeling when it comes to being lonely.

[Vrt14 in reply to Lostjoy]

Is there any way you can move closer to your family and friends? Maybe try going to church? I personally don't like the traditional churches, but there are other kinds of churches out there, like the Unitarian church, they believe in all religions and are pretty liberal.

[Fishmonster]

Good evening

Your words break my heart and I wish I had some magical words to make it better

Sometimes to find the right help or advice can be difficult and time consuming but don't give up on it

even though we want to be alone sometimes but if family and friends are reaching out to us just pick up and say hi because we don't want to turn them away when we need the most

[Fishmonster]

Good evening

Your words break my heart and I wish I had some magical words to make it better

Sometimes to find the right help or advice can be difficult and time consuming but don't give up on it

even though we want to be alone sometimes but if family and friends are reaching out to us just pick up and say hi because we don't want to turn them away when we need the most

[blackcat64013]

Hi cmae118,

I am sorry to hear of your tough times. Do you have a pet?

Pet therapy, or animal-assisted therapy, is a type of therapy involving animals as a form of treatment. The goal is to improve your social, emotional, or cognitive functioning.

Any pet will do, from a bird to a gold fish to a cat or dog.

The benefits of Pet Therapy

include:

Decreased blood pressure and stress

by giving you a feeling of being ‘needed’.

Teaching a bird to talk is fantastic - my budgie took a while to learn but is great company now.

If you have a pet that goes outdoors, this may motivate and encourage you to stay healthy and exercise.

Hoping you find a pet who can become your friend

[cmae118 in reply to blackcat64013]

Yes I have a kitten who never leaves my side and she’s been a big help at times.

[Vrt14]

I highly recommend the book Positive Solitude by Rae Andre. But maybe try to make your life more meaningful, like volunteer somewhere. If you are scared to go the first time, get a prescription for xanax or ativan.

[cmae118 in reply to Vrt14]

I am prescribed Xanax and I have many books on anxiety. My brain is so stubborn. They just make me feel worse. I would love to volunteer but I don’t know how to get out of the house, even while medicated.

[Vrt14 in reply to cmae118]

When I first started living alone, I was like you too. My therapist said, some day you will get sick and tired of being sick and tired. And one day I pushed myself and went out with the local Hiking club and I am so glad I did. I made great new friends and we got together pretty much every Sunday for 5 years and had many adventures together. Just give yourself time, sweetie 💕

[Mimimylon]

I understand you. I have experienced similar. I left one man to go righ away to another ...remember the definition of craziness, doing the same thing but expecting different results. Nobody can help you but you. Stay alone and ride the wave...it will do you good to first suffer and really feel the pain...it will set you free in the long run. To have someone in bed or on the couch who has no idea what you are going through is worse than having no one. I start to resent partners who don't understand when I tell them to just leave me alone. I don't need their mothering and their patronizing...I rather be alone and meditate, and pray, and read books and talk to people like you who have been there in similar terrains....you have friends in our support groups...keep sharing....

[Windy101]

When my husband and I first broke up and I moved to my new apartment, I cried all day for two weeks. It was terrible. I wanted to leave him, but discovered living alone was a huge change and really hard.

A warm body in the house is a comfort when you're feeling bad, but it's not a marriage. You deserve more than that. If your bed feels empty, get one of those big body pillows and hug it. Curl up with your kitty and enjoy her purrs.

My suggestion is to call a hotline and explain your situation. See what local services might be available. You're going to need food!

When you can't leave your house, force yourself to make it as clean and cheerful as you possibly can. Put on the radio, but not music - talk radio. Don't watch any love stories. Tell yourself, "I can do this. I will not give up. I'm just adjusting to living alone."

Even for a person without a mental disorder, divorce and suddenly living alone can be very, very depressing and stressful. Divorce is one of the biggest life changes you can go through. But you're going to be okay. You will make it. We're here for you and care, so you always have us. You are not alone at all.

Sweetie, I was a basket case, and if I can get through it, so can you. Today I have such a busy and happy life. I still live alone. I've met a lot of men, but none that I think will make me happier than I am right now. So you hang in there. It will get better. Don't ever, ever give up on yourself.

[Hidden]

Hello! Maybe you can try an online dating site? Eharmony is really good and not too expensive. You can meet a lot of nice men. Also, try Jet or Walmart.com or Amazon.com's Fresh Grocery delivery! If you are finding it hard to leave the house...Focus on YOU and your STRENGTHS right now and excel at those! Pretty soon you will be attracting what you want in life. Just get that good energy flowing! No sappy energy! It will just attract more of the same. I see your picture and you are young and beautiful!! Try not to worry too much! I am in a loveless marriage with no job or support or friends and family. I am very lonely as well and I only wish I had a lovely apt of my own! You are very blessed and I KNOW that very soon the right person will come along. Just learn to love yourself right now. You deserve it! I'm going to leave you with a recommend book suggestion-You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Visit her website; just type in her name or "Hay House" and you'll find it. She offers a free e-newsletter. I wish the best for you!

[Hidden]

Hi Cmae118. I just signed up for this site and came across your post. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Divorce is so difficult and painful. I've been through so many relationships, break ups, etc. so I completely understand what you are going through! The pain is so real and it hurts bad. I do know that if you hold on it does get better!