SAD

[SadNurse32]

HI IM SADNURSE32, I suffer from seasonal depressive disorder and anxiety. Today for some reason I'm feeling really sad, so sad I wish I could just disappear. Wish I had friends I could talk to about this, but scared everyone's going to look down on me or judge me because I'm everyone else's "go to" person. I'm supposed to be the strong one 😞😞😞

[Loki1018]

I know what you mean by having to be the strong one but know what even cement cracks. My mom has SAD but she deals with it as best she can she tries to be out and walk and just take advantage before it gets really cold and dark and then it's hard to be in that cold.

[SadNurse32 in reply to Loki1018]

Thank you. And I do those things it just gets hard I guess because I have a soon to be 13 year old to deal with and all her emotions and I have no help so she sends me into spirals sometimes. Crying as I type this because I just wish I had some help. I just need a break sometimes when I'm having bad days that's all.

[Loki1018]

Sweetie crying helps it's not a sign of weakness at all, were human beings with feelings and emotions. The other night I smashed plates and glass ware at 2 am with a hammer because I couldn't cry and I was flooded with rage, aggravation, agitation, sadness, and anger. I know you not be able to that but after smashing those plates I felt better because they were the only casualties and not any one person had to deal with me at that state besides my bf but he didn't get the 3rd degree from me he didn't even know what I had done until I told him the next day because he was at his mother's handling a family situation and I just felt left alone I know it's kinda selfish because I felt as though I was just left to deal with it on my own when I needed him but what he had to handle was a top priority.

[SadNurse32 in reply to Loki1018]

Thanks, no I can't smash plates in my situation I can't even afford glassware and that's part of my sadness. My one and only child my daughter is about to be 13 and I cant even afford the one and only thing she's really asked for ever and it hurts. Her dad doesn't help, I was a foster child so the only family I had (my foster parents) are dead and can't help so I'm out here alone. The death of my foster mother is what broke the camel's back and I just cant recover on my own trying to raise my daughter on my own. Hell my internet phone and cable is off and just barely kept my electricity on and I work smh. I try so hard and can never catch a break swear that's been my whole life. I'm sorry to rant just sad and lost.

[Loki1018 in reply to SadNurse32]

No worries that's what we are all here for. Have you tried to apply for state help you are a single mother I'm sure you maybe able to qualify for some type of benefits and my plates and glasses were all from the dollar store so financially I struggle as well.

[SadNurse32 in reply to Loki1018]

I have all I get is 200 bucks in food stamps because i work and her "dad" my ex husband is "ordered" to pay child support. But he doesn't pay it and she eats through that 200 like its a snack smh.

[one-love in reply to SadNurse32]

I can relate to you completely I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder and I'm a firefighter I feel like I have no one to talk to all the time for fear of being judged or considered weak because of my profession and my mental health issues, today was a really rough day for me too with depression I try to put a smile on my face but inside I feel like I'm falling apart sometimes or going crazy. I do notice when the season changes to fall and winter that my depression seems worsen. I feel like it's extremely hard to get/ask for help or just even talk to someone for fear of losing my job or looked down on. I too don't have many friends which I'm sure doesn't help because I always feel alone going through this.

[Pearl67]

Awwww! I feel so bad for you!!! Perhaps you need to call a social worker to get the courts to get her dad to pay! Something!

Also, please consider seeking out a support group for single moms! I do not know where you live, but if it is a larger community, there "should" be a group! Or a church? Food pantry?

God Bless!

[Windy101]

I'm all for trying to make deadbeat dads pay! I know of a few cases where it's worked. It might be empowering for you, too, to feel you're not just letting him get away with it.

Have you taped out every social service program there is? There are so many. It's okay to go to as many as you can think of. You need a phone!

Also, you don't have to let your friends drain you. It's okay to say, "I can't talk right now" or "I'd love to help, but honestly I have so much on my plate I don't have any good advice." It's okay to make a conversation friendly and short.

Are you a nurse? Here in the U.S. they make pretty good salaries with job openings around the country. Maybe it's time to look for something better?

I also get SAD and even though I couldn't afford it, splurgied on a "happy light" that mimics the rays of the sun. It does help me, though they don't work for everyone. I know your money is so tight that this might be hard.

SAD is something you have to be a soldier and fight. Exercise, eating right, being assertive, positive self-talk, affordable counseling (sliding scale) if you can find it, Vitamin D supplements, a support group, getting as much sunlight as you can - all those things will help. They're the things we know we need to do and don't. I hope you will force yourself to do them, because you deserve to feel better, especially working and being a single mom.

I hope things are much better for you very soon, and meanwhile, we're here for you.