I feel so sad

[vanessi]

Hello everybody I hope you are feeling better than me.

I'll be brief I feel deeply sad. I feel I don't belong to any place and my life will be miserable forever. I feel no one can help me and I want to disappear from this world. Nothing has sense for me. My heart will never be the same and I hate myself every day more. I wish I could die. More than a year now I cannot get better. I'm done.

Everything and everybody are fake and I'm feel more lonely than ever

I don't know what else I have to do

[leanneski]

Hi Vanessi

How horrible for you to be feeling this way. Life can be really tough and bleak sometimes. Life can also be really amazing and fun, it’s just difficult to see the good bits when you’re so sad, they are there though! I think that the difficult bits in life are sometimes a blessing because when the great bits do happen you can appreciate them a lot more. Have you got any help with how you’re feeling from family, GP or a counsellor?

Sending you lots of Love 💖 xx

[vanessi in reply to leanneski]

I don't wanna feel like this. I want to forget my past, my present. I wanna die. I cannot deal with so much sorrow anymore. Time doesn't help, having the mind busy doesn't help, psychologists don't help. No one can help me. I just live each day like being dead. I have no aspirations, no dreams, no hope, no faith, no love

I want to disappear. I saw a psychologist in the past and as you see it didn't help. I hate my life

[JAYnLA in reply to vanessi]

Hello love. I know that you are hurting. You also have a spark of life in you - it reached out here tonight. That spark knows that this horrible feeling will pass. That spark knows that you will eventually heal from this dreadful state of mind. Lots of us are struggling right along with you. You are no more alone than the rest of us, even though our problems can make us feel so isolated. I'm so glad that you shared yourself with us tonight. Hang in there.

[Hidden in reply to vanessi]

You should try another psychologist, therapist, or counselor....consider medication....it could help. I hate to say it, but sometimes you have to seek out the right person for you. The relationship between you and your therapist is so vital...if they don't get you and you them, it won't work out.

The one thing I keep seeing in your post is "no". You're going to have to start ignoring that instinct of "no" for maybe or a yes. Yes, someone can help you. Your dreams, aspirations, hope, faith, and love...they're there...probably buried under all the "no"! I promise there is good help out there specific for you...you're just going to have to find it.

[leanneski in reply to vanessi]

you have people here you can talk to, and you’ve posted here and been honest about how you’re feeling which is really brave. I think you should go to your GP and discuss support either with medication or counselling, probably both. Looking after yourself and being kind to yourself are two really positive aspirations, how’s about starting there, you’ve posted here so you’ve already started. Little steps at a time luvvy 💖 x

[Hidden]

Hey Vanessi,

I'm sorry to hear how sad you are and I hope you get to feeling better and maybe even happier. First and foremost, you're post heads right towards invalidated and negative thoughts. You do belong to many places....maybe you don't feel as close as the association is to a place (like here...you're here with us...you belong) or maybe you're irrationally (I only use this term because it works well with anxiety/depression) thinking you don't belong because it fits the mood. Either way, remind yourself of all that is around you and the support you have.

I have some more good news, there are people who can help you and sometimes it takes a bit to find the right one for you. Trust me, it can be like dating your doctors and therapists trying to find a good one, but you will. Disappearing from this world seems like a simple solution, but I don't think it's a good one. You would be missed and all those that are associated with you will hurt.

I can tell you with great certain, not much makes sense sometimes....in many different ways. I'm 35 and sometimes the difference between up and down seems flip flopped. I think it then gets deep into the philosophical...what is the meaning of life question. There's no good answer other than live life and do your best with the time you have. There is purpose for you and you WILL find it.

Your heart will change....all of our hearts change. Day to day, new people, old people, new events, things, moments. I know it's hard to conceive these things in your mind right now, but they're out there for you. Any hatred for yourself for being sad, depressed, or struggling to get out of those things...it needs to be let go. We all struggle internally on here. It isn't easy and to be so rough on yourself doesn't give you a break. Take a break, be kind to yourself: so I'm depressed right now, but I'm worth being happy. I promise...your mind is being too hard on you. Maybe try some things that are uplifting....music, deep breathing exercises, or a self-kindness audio session. They will improve how you feel...even if it's just a little bit.

I also think you don't want to die. No one who wants to die asks for help and we're all here to do just that: help. Our internal struggles can make that seem like the easy way out, but why not try to push all the negativity around and inside of you out and allow in some positive? You could identify some things that you may not realize make life worth living. Some positive things...what's your favorite thing to eat? Go get ten of them. Where's your favorite place to just sit and stare....and think? Go there...and eat ten of whatever of your favorite things. Sometimes we forget the little things that add up in our life to positive or good things.

There's one thing I can tell you that you can't do....put a timeline on recovery. If I could say...anxiety...you got 30 days to get out or else, I totally would. It doesn't work that way, but with good help, what if I told you things could get better....maybe sooner...or maybe later? You'll learn to cope, handle negative moments and thoughts, and find what makes you....you: a fantastic person capable of being happy. I want you to forget about the fake everything and everyone around you. They do not deserve a moment of your time. Misery loves company....so we're not going to visit. Let that all vanish and pass. That was yesterday, but let's work on today.

You aren't sure what else to do, but I think the answer is pretty simple and you may know it. Keep going and trying. Put all of the negativity out of your life...no drama, no fake crap, and no negativity. I think you should call a doctor to talk about your depression and see if he or she recommends medication to help. I also think you should find a counselor or a therapist so you can process what you're dealing with and also learn how to cope with everything going on. You also need to go ahead and give yourself that break I was telling you about. You can't be so hard on yourself which leads to this negative feeling. Is it going to be easy? No, but you'll have this place to post about the wonderful, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You'll need to remember...you have a place, are surrounded by people just like you, have purpose, and will end up finding a solution. If you believe this, you can make it true. I promise. Please let us know how everything goes and never give up....take care and if you ever need an ear, we're here.